Gaming the psychotherapist

Good luck! And the bolded part reminds me of something that happened in session a few months ago. I had a dream about my T where I threw a champagne glass at him -and hit him in the chest. I couldn't stop laughing when I told him, and he made the comment, "You enjoy taking down authority figures, don't you?" Yeah, doing anything to even out the power imbalance feels mighty good...........

Good luck tomorrow

I hope you have a good session tomorrow and are able to as honestly as possible talk about this with your t.
I don't think I've ever done anything like this, other than sometimes at the beginning of work with a therapist or someone I try to act fine all the time when I'm not. But that's more about being afraid about how they'll deal with my feelings, rather than a manipulation I think.

I haven't done this but I have done stuff to control the session - I have control issues too. I know how you feel when you say it makes you feel powerful. And the numbness too. It feels good (and very powerful) to be numb but you always have that niggling feeling in the back of your head that feels like cr4p. Its not bad at the start but over time that niggling feeling eats away at you like a parasite. Its like one of those spiders that burrows into your skin and digests you from the inside out while you are still alive. Sorry that was graphic, but it describes it very well, lol.

Thank you all for your interpretations and I'm not offended. I don't like manipulating my T. Well that's not true. I like the power of manipulating someone who is succesfull, good looking, has he life organised. And despite all this I can pull her strings and she doesn't know it. But it's not good, and I have mixed feelings of feeling good and bad. And what I'm doing is wrong.

To paraphrase Virginia Satir, "If you choose not to reveal yourself, you allow others to make you up."

Don't let fear stop you. Reveal who you are.

"You have learned what you have learned very well. It has helped you survive."

~ Virginia Satir


You don't have to just survive anymore. Work with your therapist to trust. Yes, it will be painful in the beginning. Sending positive thoughts your way, Lycanthrope.

It's interesting because the first time I was in therapy, I spent a good amount of the time "gaming" my therapist... Making things work in my favor.. so i could have a feel good experience. I wasn't manipulating her as much as knowing that I was in control... and she wasn't as smart as me.. so it was really easy...

When I started therapy this time, i told my therapist my old experience and luckily she is smart as a whip.. and she calls me on anything that might possibly sound like BS.. but I'm also in a position where I was ready to get help.. and be honest.. if not completely open.. generally honest.

My T has also charged me with manipulation.. she says its the way I made it through my family and all the personalities, was to be what people wanted me to be, so I know how to work a room, work a system and make it for me. She also says that I don't believe that the rules of life are made for me... For example.. I'll work hard to get out of anything I don't want to do... so that makes it very difficult when I HAVE to do something.
And it's all me running from myself and any uncomfortable things.

Making me high off "winning" and escaping what I don't want to do...

Yeah it sucks.. therapy's a b!tch LOL But you just gotta work with it. :-) and talk to your T and break down the walls.