Quitting meds, quitting therapy

Ok, I have been mulling this over for a while. I don't know if you know this, but I am a competive athlete, swimmer to be exact. Before I was in therapy, I trained 6 days a week, 4+ hrs some of the days. Yes the rest of my life was a mess but at least my training was working. Since being in therapy, I haven't had the time or the mental energy to keep up the rigorous regime. My times have been as slow as they were when I was 12. I am 15 now. I feel like I lost 3 yrs of training in the yr I've been in therapy. Swimming was my life. The medication I'm on is effecting me and so it the loss of training time. I can't lose swim now, not when I've given so much to it. I feel like I have to pick between t and swim. And right now, swim means more to me.

Be honest with me. Those who have been reading my posts, is it a bad decision to quit?

I think it boils down to you and your therapist obviously, but I think you should consider it more heavily before you jump into a decision. You're in therapy for a reason, has that reason been healed enough to where it wouldn't impact your swimming if it came back up? Do you think you've got what you need from therapy and you're in a place to quit safely? Talk it over with your therapist next time you see her. You still have your whole life ahead of you. I'd say take advantage of the help you have now... I personally regret quitting counseling when I was 16, because I ended up getting really depressed just a year later and had no where to turn to. I had unsolved problems that had been shoved aside and ignored and they turned around and slapped me in the face just a bit later.

Hope you can figure out what to do though. *hug* Also, with the medication, how is it affecting you? Lower energy or something? Maybe you could get a dose or time adjustment to work around a training schedule. I'm sure your T would understand if it's something that means that much to you, and I'm sure she'd try to help you figure out something balanced.

I have a hard time keeping hold of all the good stuff in my life. you DO spend a lot of time on PC - couldn't you spend less time here, more time swimming, and stay with T? Exercise (esp swimming, before I went cross-eyed), T, and PC are the 3 best things in my life - well, after eating, sleeping, and pooping regular! My question would be, why are you punishing yourself by taking away a good thing?

Good advice. The meds issue is a practical one and there may be a solution short of just stopping all meds.

Swimming is clearly not just a talent and a valuable experience--joy?-- for you, but also perhaps a strong part of your identity. It could be helpful for you to devote more time and energy to it.

I do think you should talk to T about it. You also need to make sure that you're not looking to swimming as a way of avoiding something emotional in therapy. I would think your T would want to support you in any healthy goals you have for your life--you just need to find the best way to do it. It may not be an either/or situation.

It wasn't just talent... It was something I *excelled* at. It made me my coach's favorite. I got attention and people liked me! It was a great feeling. I thought I could get similar things out of working with t, but I'm not... And most likely won't. I don't know if that's "avoiding" but...

i think that therapy is good for you. i also think that swimming is good for you. and i totally would have made the same decision when i was 15. i understand how when youre 15, you want to excel at something and be the best and be on a team and fit in and all that--i totally get all that. and really, all that swimming stuff,it really for a limited time. i still think being i therapy would be helpful for you. but your choice for swiming in high school/ college is there for such a short time. so i support your choice.
however i do wonder,is there a way you can do both? does it have to be one or the other? is it a possibility to just go to t bi-weekly or monthly or something, and do your swimming as well?
i think that being physically healthy and mentally healthy are both equally important--so if you can figure out a way to do both somehow, that would be the best option.

I get that you've excelled at it , and you deserve congratulations for that! (for me that's part of talent). But it's interesting that as you describe it here, what you got from it seems to be from other people: being coach's favorite, attention, people liking you.

Has swimming influenced how you feel about you? I suspect therapy is more about exploring how you feel about your self, how you see your self, how you shape your self. Not how your T feels, sees, or shapes your self.

If you can honestly say that the swimming experience is important to your relationship with your self, then it may be beneficial to get more serious about it again, independent of any therapy arrangement.

But if it's really mostly that you miss the external validation, then I'd say you need to explore that in therapy.

I dont know. It just gave me a spot. It gave me a sense of who I was: I was a swimmer. I felt like I belonged, and whether that was because I was good at it or just because they liked me as a person, I dont know, and it didn't matter. I had somewhere to say that I was a part of. and I felt wanted. Without swimming, I feel really like I hav no purpose in life, and that no one wants me. I wish t would tell me that she wanted me, but she cant, and wont. I know that. So that is why I want to quit t and focus all my energy on swim.

Okay, as a former swimmer that spent the same hours as you. Can you train in the AM before you take your meds and therapy? You really need to fix you schedule because you need to be healthy all around. Are you in public school? There are options to work around this. I think before you quit anything you need to look at all avenues. PM me if you need help with finding one that works for you.

Swimmy, I'm not a huggy type of person IRL, but I really feel like giving you hugs.

I think I understand how you feel as a swimmer. I used to show horses when I was your age, and I felt about it much as you've described. It was the only area of my life where I felt any self esteem at all. And I had the added benefit, perhaps, that I felt a "relationship" with my horse. He gave me the unconditional love that I didn't have elsewhere in my life. In their own way, horses give great hugs! It was a break from a lot of loneliness, feeling of no consequence, and believing I had no value just for being me. It got me through, but it didn't heal me. But I didn't have the option of any other support.

Life went on, and it wasn't until I was in my 30's that my lack of an emotional foundation caught up with me. Luckily, I was in a position then to get help. But so many years before were half-lived in a haze; I wish it could have been different.

When you say that without swimming, no one wants you, that tells me that you have a challenge ahead of you. Belonging is important and a great feeling, but if you only feel visible during that activity, it sounds like a temporary distraction to me. It's a beneficial distraction, but it's not an ultimate answer.

Isn't there any way that you can incorporate swimming into your therapeutic goals? Maybe that's something to talk to T about.

You are so much more reflective and insightful than many I know in their 40's. You will come out of all this full of self-power for whatever direction your life takes. Hang in there.

Be wary of making "all or nothing" decisions!

You see your therapist 3X a week, right? That has to eat up a lot of time. Why not cut back? You could alternate between 3X and 2X a week for a while, and then gradually make yourself go down to 1X. I know that may seem weird since you are so used to a more intense regimen, but most of see our therapists 1X a week and we're (somehow) able to hang in there. In the meantime, while you pare back on therapy, you bump up your swimming.

I have always questioned a 15-year-old spending so much time on a mental health forum (not just you; all the teenagers that spend so much time here.) You had said in another post somewhere how since coming here you spend so much more time thinking and worrying about therapy. Honestly, that just doesn't seem terribly healthy at your age.

I hope you can find a balance. Rather than throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak, perhaps you can come up with a schedule for training for swimming, which I agree is an important focus for you. Stick to your training schedule. I would discourage you from stopping meds; I kind of doubt they are causing your training issues. Arrange your therapy at a time that won't conflict with your training and school.

It seems like you can have the training and school and therapy and meds, but you are going to need a bit more self-discipline on all fronts. Limit your time on PC to 30 minutes a day (perhaps). Get on. Allow yourself A post or two. Get off. And go swim. Go study. Go to therapy. Use your free time more constructively toward your swimming goals/school goals. I suspect you have A LOT more free time than you realize; you've just been spending it all here instead of the pool.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to get rid of you or anything. It's just as a parent of teenagers and a teacher of teenagers, I do have concerns that being on PC is working a bit as an obsession/addiction for you and is probably feeding some of your issues with overthinking your own therapy/ruptures in therapy. Many adults here on PC have fallen prey to the same problem, so don't feel bad about that. Just recognize that perhaps you have an issue that you DO have the ability to solve without having to throw out what is most important to your ENTIRE mental health and well-being: your therapy, your medication, your swimming.

Talk to your T about coming up with a solid plan/schedule, etc. that can enable you to do all that you need to do without sacrificing any of them completely.

i think that you know that this is a decision you have to make. i thimk you and your T need to talk this out. you have so much going on in your life and a lot of it may seem so hard and imposible but it is doable. swimming is so much a part of you and i do believe it does make you feel good about you. i would say enjoy it ,it is an amazing thing.but do it for you. maybe cut back on therapy you dont have to choose. only you and your T can figure out how much of you emotions are growing pains that can be horrible in itself but manageable .

I agree with a few others who've said don't jump to the all or nothing conclusion too quickly. Talk to your t about what you've written here. T may be able to help you find some ways to balance your time.

I was also a competitive swimmer at your age. We put in a lot of hours before and after school. And I understand how important it can be in your life. I swam for three years on bad shoulders. My parents wanted me to quit, but I kept swimming because like you it was part of my identity. On those bad shoulders my times weren't as good as they could have been - but it didn't mean I wasn't a swimmer. You're still a swimmer too.

(((( Miswimmy))))

I know you love swimming, we've talked about it before. But I know you also go to T three times a week. I don't know your therapist other than what you've said but I would have thought that if you were in the right place to stop therapy right now, she wouldn't still have you coming three times a week. Maybe try what others have suggested - go down to T just once a week, or even once a fortnight, and see if that helps you to have more time and see if it is less emotionally and mentally draining, so then you can put that energy into swimming.

I'm just worried about if you stopped going to T altogether - because it seems to me like there are times when you are really struggling and T is what helps you. If you're still having those sort of situations, I don't think you should just be quitting T altogether.

As for meds, like others have said. maybe there is a way to change them or change when you take them/dosage of them so that it doesn't affect your swimming so much?

I'm really sorry that you're even stuck in this position that you have to consider this Miswimmy

If you continue with therapy you will be less reliant on swimming to give you an identity and purpose in life and make you feel wanted and like you belong. These are excellent things to work on in therapy. These are the things that need to come from within, not from the outside. You can acquire these things by working in therapy. Good insight, though, figuring all of this out.

You have grown a lot in the past year.

Your grades are way better. You have been accomplishing impressive tasks, including your bus trip home that included you asking for help from someone who you thought hated you.

And you long to get back to your old, intense swimming self.

These are all great things imo, and i am very happy for you.

To me, all these things do suggest that you could well be ready to try swimming with greater intensity again. Perhaps this new interest could be coupled with a reduction in therapy from 3X per week. Perhaps medications could also be adjusted--talk to your prescriber.

Think of a journey of recovery, a pilgrimage of recovery. Travelers, pilgrims go step by step. Travelers, pilgrims don't get there all at once. They take a step at a time. I suggest that you explore with T and your prescriber and maybe your coach what combination of less therapy, less medication, more swimming, perhaps less PC (see below), perhaps other changes in your life, will allow you to continue your journey back to health.

I admire how you are so willing and able to take charge of your future.

*********

With regard to PC: I personally have not been concerned about the time you have spent here. You were looking for help, and you found a way to get help--here. You were resourceful and life-enhancing, self-preserving, in doing that. But perhaps your enhanced strength in other areas of your life means that you have less need for help from here. Not no need...just less need. Same thing with T...perhaps less need, but perhaps not no need. Yet.

(((miswimmy))) I can relate to your contemplation. My pdoc asked me if I would consider giving up the marathon I've been training for in the last 5 months. In some ways I think it would be ok to miss it and the other side would be crushed. While I'm not an 'athlete' running is such a huge part of my life and this even I've trained so hard for. It's who I am. I have to decide which side of the coin would make me feel worse.

On the subject of your time being slower if you are depressed that can be effecting things. Also if you are overtraining or have too much going on all at once you could be taking a toll on your psyche. For example I don't over exercise/over train however I am a mom of two young boys and a pt college student, training for a marathon and I help run a weight loss support group and I have a running group that I'm in charge of that meets once a week. Plus other family/personal stressors = the depressed state that I'm in. One of the symptoms of over-training can be depression. If you increase the amount of exercise you do too quickly it can cause 'overtraining' and do more harm than good. Here's an article about overtraining and depression: http://www.livestrong.com/article/39...se-depression/

I hope what ever you decide you are happy with. If therapy is too much then perhaps change up the type of therapy or frequency? However if you are suffering from depression such as myself I wouldn't recommend stopping therapy all together.

I understand the urge to get back to 'normal' but there can be diminishing returns to do too much too soon. I don't know what the recommendations are for swimming but for running it's recommended to not increase your total distance in one week to be no more than 10%. Also there will be plateaus with your performance, speed, power. Be patient with yourself and I must say I'm so impressed with your swimming! Our bodies have to work 4x harder to swim than to run when covering the same distance!!

For every setback there's a comeback!!

PS - I'm a health and exercise science major and we just covered the topic of overtraining so it's a big interest of mine.

I've been there and done that, and it can be done. It is what you can live with. If I can just suggest a couple of things that I think can help....

a. If you're on meds for mood, you're going to notice life without the meds. I got around this by rationalizing my reactions by saying "Oh that's just the bipolar side of me acting up" and I was fine afterwards. You just have to have the power to call out those mood issues, address them, and then let it go.

b. Have an air tight back up plan if you find you can't hack it. Find out if you can come back to therapy if need be and get back on meds if things fly south on you. This might mean having a couple weeks of meds on standby that you can restart while you're waiting for a Pdoc or GP appointment.

c. Talk it through with your therapist before you make the final decision. Be open to your T's comments, but don't lose yourself. Ultimately, you make your life decisions.

I talked to t about it. She basically said no way can u quit meds, you won't make it. Which makes me want all the more to quit. She told me to weigh possible options, and suggested that I see her say 2x a week instead of 3, so I wouldn't spend so much time out of the pool. I miss practice 2x a week cuz of t. I don't know. Gah.