[lemon80s]

Hi folks,

As some of you might know, I'm leaving therapy to work abroad for a year. I've been in therapy for a few months and since we can't continue we are sort of wrapping it up. I feel like there are a few things that need discussion though and there are things I need to say.

The trouble is, as soon as I walk into T's office I turn into a passive and nervous person. I've never been my more assertive self with T and I zone out constantly. She has to work to keep the connection going. I've felt unable to get her to understand my needs and I sent a few e-mails. It hasn't really done the trick and to wrap it up good I want to use my last session for discussing a few things.

Like, adult to adult. Not my therapist as the adult and me as the scared kid I turn into every time I go there. How do I tap into my normal/assertive/adult self to achieve this?

Any tips are more than welcome. I've never tried before but it needs doing.

[critterlady]

Can you write things down and use that with your T?

[lemon80s]

critterlady - I'm gonna try that for sure. But if I turn into this stumbling half zoned out person then the note isn't gonna help because I won't be able to say it. Hehe

[critterlady]

Hand her the note!

I agree with writing things down. I like to bring a list of bullet points I hope to discuss each session. When I'm feeling really nervous I prefer to just hand T the list so she can help me start talking (otherwise we could very well have a silent hour), but sometimes just looking it over myself is good too. Sometimes I will send T an email before the session saying something like, "I've written out a few things I really need to discuss, but I might need some help getting started."

[nessaea]

Hey!

I think it's great that you are trying to find a way to say the things you need to say! It shows your strength and maturity.

When I've had trouble saying the things I wanted in sessions, these are a few things I've tried:
- sending an email ahead of time with important points (if that kind of contact is allowed)
- writing things down in a letter and giving it to T at the beginning of a session
- if I thought tone was important, making an audio recording of the things I wanted to say, and then playing it for T in session
- if it was something that I couldn't plan ahead of time, I found not looking at T was helpful (I spent a lot of my difficult sessions talking while looking out of the window, or I starting bringing something to do during the sessions (knitting etc.) so I could look at what I was doing while I was talking, and not have to look at T)

Hope some of those help. Best of luck!

Ness