[delicatefade26]

Hey Ya'll

Wow...these last couple of days have been surreal. I have been struggling for awhile now...really intense depression (I wasn't sleeping or eating and my thoughts were really bad and my emotions were all over the place)...I called my T a bunch of times...I called my T on Tuesday and said I was going to the hospital-well I got too scared and turned back around. Then after not sleeping at all that night-I went to work for supervision for an hour-then as I was driving to my clients house-I just started to feel out of control-my head was spinning and I felt like I just couldn't do it anymore-I felt so unreal-and I couldn't handle it. I called T-crying hysterically saying I didn't know what to do-he kept saying to go to the hospital-but I kept turning it around on him-saying nevermind it doesn't matter...he started getting frustrated. Then after going on for about 15 min-I just sobbed/screamed out-please I just need someone to tell me what to do-and he said "Go to the hospital"...he asked if I needed an ambulance called and I said no-I would drive. Then I spent 8 hours in the hospital-they evaluated me-and decided I'm going to do a partial hospitalization program for about a week...so I can see therapists and have groups and a psych for meds. They gave me xanax to help me sleep-and it worked! I actually ate a lot for the first time yesterday...that felt good too. I took yesterday and today off work-I will start the program Monday since they were full til then. I will work a few hours in the evening (thankfully thats my usual timing anyways)...I know it's going to be expensive but I'm going to apply for financial aid. The docs and my T agree this is worth it-if not I will only get worse.
After all this though-I'm soooo eternally grateful for my T-we texted the entire time I was waiting-he was helping me...then after they figured out what they were going to do-we talked on the phone and he was just amazing (I wish I could explain) but he told me he I did the right thing-and that he was so proud of me...I see him Monday night too (long day)...I'm just thankful to be taking steps to take care of myself and to keep living this life. It's also a relief to have my family know-they had no idea-I didn't tell anyone. I'm still sooo exhausted though...so I'm off for a nap now!!

Wow, delicatefade! Thank you so much for sharing that. How intense and painful, and how frightening it must have been to take that step to go the hospital. I hope things continue to improve, and you maybe inspire others to go ahead and go to the hospital if that's what it takes to get better.

I'm so glad you got help and that things are better now. It was a big step to admit you needed help and take the steps to get it. I'm so glad you're safe and that your family knows now, so it isn't a secret you have to keep. I'm so glad you posted, because I was kinda worried about you.

[rainbow8]

Thank you for posting. I'm glad you're getting the help you need and that your family knows. I'm proud of you too!

[murray]

I am so glad that you were able to talk to T and that he was there with you via text and phone as you did this. Sounds like you made a good choice for your well being and I hope the program is very helpful for you.

[adel34]

Hi Delicate,
I'm so glad you got the help you need and that you're safe!
Good luck with the PHP program. Let us know how it goes. You're t sounds awesome too!

Awh delicatefade, I hope you are ok now? That must have been a very traumatic ordeal, thank god you had your T for support

(((((((delicate))))))))

So, so glad you're safe and you got the help you needed...and that T was there for you throughout.

Be gentle with you.

[Miswimmy1]

So proud of u!!!!!

[delicatefade26]

Thank you everyone for the hugs-it really means a lot to me <3 I feel like this has been building up inside of me-and I was heading towards absolute destruction...I cried to T at one point "I'm dying...I can't do this anymore"...and I feel so much relief...that I'm going to get help and that my family knows...them not knowing was horrible. I feel like it has been released from my soul and not crushing me as bad by just giving voice to it...I had no idea it would end up having to go to the hospital...but it is what it is.
I hope I like the program...and I hope I can get on some meds besides the xanax (which I've slept more since I've been home than I had been in a week and half-thank God-and the docs)...I hope I like the other people in the group (I hope I don't know any of them-it's kinda a small town-almost everyone in the mental health field here knows my T)...but I'm going to go in there and give myself over to what it has to offer...this weekend I'm going to REST and EAT!!! Thanks again to everyone...I know I haven't been posting support and all-I've just been struggling obviously...I hope to be back soon!! xoxoxo

I'm still hiding it from my family... maybe unsuccessfully. My sister stopped by for a surprise visit last night and saw the bandage on my arm from recent stitches... I hope she doesn't tell.

I will keep you in my thoughts and I hope that your treatment goes well and you start feeling better soon.

[InfiniteSadness]

will i get sexually assaulted by other patients in the hospital? i'm a male

[InfiniteSadness]

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

Hey Ya'll

Wow...these last couple of days have been surreal. I have been struggling for awhile now...really intense depression (I wasn't sleeping or eating and my thoughts were really bad and my emotions were all over the place)...I called my T a bunch of times...I called my T on Tuesday and said I was going to the hospital-well I got too scared and turned back around. Then after not sleeping at all that night-I went to work for supervision for an hour-then as I was driving to my clients house-I just started to feel out of control-my head was spinning and I felt like I just couldn't do it anymore-I felt so unreal-and I couldn't handle it. I called T-crying hysterically saying I didn't know what to do-he kept saying to go to the hospital-but I kept turning it around on him-saying nevermind it doesn't matter...he started getting frustrated. Then after going on for about 15 min-I just sobbed/screamed out-please I just need someone to tell me what to do-and he said "Go to the hospital"...he asked if I needed an ambulance called and I said no-I would drive. Then I spent 8 hours in the hospital-they evaluated me-and decided I'm going to do a partial hospitalization program for about a week...so I can see therapists and have groups and a psych for meds. They gave me xanax to help me sleep-and it worked! I actually ate a lot for the first time yesterday...that felt good too. I took yesterday and today off work-I will start the program Monday since they were full til then. I will work a few hours in the evening (thankfully thats my usual timing anyways)...I know it's going to be expensive but I'm going to apply for financial aid. The docs and my T agree this is worth it-if not I will only get worse.
After all this though-I'm soooo eternally grateful for my T-we texted the entire time I was waiting-he was helping me...then after they figured out what they were going to do-we talked on the phone and he was just amazing (I wish I could explain) but he told me he I did the right thing-and that he was so proud of me...I see him Monday night too (long day)...I'm just thankful to be taking steps to take care of myself and to keep living this life. It's also a relief to have my family know-they had no idea-I didn't tell anyone. I'm still sooo exhausted though...so I'm off for a nap now!!

How did u only spend 8 hours in there? last time i was admitted they kept me for 2 weeks almost.. and im scared to go back and i thought u have to be an immediate threat...?

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by InfiniteSadness

will i get sexually assaulted by other patients in the hospital? i'm a male

WTF is wrong with you....please don't use my thread for this...I don't appreciate it...

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by InfiniteSadness

How did u only spend 8 hours in there? last time i was admitted they kept me for 2 weeks almost.. and im scared to go back and i thought u have to be an immediate threat...?

I don't even know why I'm bothering to answer you...but I was sent directly to a program in the hospital-go home to sleep-I have someone at home monitoring-and my T as well. I've never been been so bothered by a post than with you...leave me alone...Im handling my mental health...not everyone is same-please leave me alone now-if you "truly" have questions about other patients do it in your own thread-and don't worry about how long I stayed-I trust my treatment providers...uggg you pisssed me off

[InfiniteSadness]

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

I don't even know why I'm bothering to answer you...but I was sent directly to a program in the hospital-go home to sleep-I have someone at home monitoring-and my T as well. I've never been been so bothered by a post than with you...leave me alone...Im handling my mental health...not everyone is same-please leave me alone now-if you "truly" have questions about other patients do it in your own thread-and don't worry about how long I stayed-I trust my treatment providers...uggg you pisssed me off

IT was a SERIOUS question dude. I dont know how i pissed you off. Wow your real friendly. Thanks for helping someone that needs help.

[InfiniteSadness]

Moderators please delete post number 12, as it offended the original poster here. And that WASNT my intention.