Birthday & T

It's a gift to you right? Other than your father being utterly clueless and hurtful, the way I see it is that once it is given to you - it's yours. He has no right to demand it back (clueless and hurtful again).

I would have sold that puppy on ebay so fast!

3K buys a lot of books. You've got the so-called bully pulpit here. "don't you want me to happy dad?"

I suspect however it became more about the principal of sending it back to your father and openly rejecting his gift.

In that way, good for you for making the effort to just send it right back.

And so, because there is a lot of money involved, in his eyes for you to not return the present in time would be an exceedingly unloving gesture.

I'm with elliemay, sell that sucker on ebay or craigslist or something.

And if he asks about it at Christmas, tell him the truth. You have told him repeatedly what you would like and what you do not want. So, rather than incur the shipping fees and end up with a negative $70 as a present, you sold the item to purchase yourself what you would like. Very simple. No judgments, no harshness.

In the alternative, can you call his assistant/secretary just before the next gift giving occasion and give HER your list? Email it to her and ask her to be sure that the appropriate item gets purchased. Most executives I know have their secretaries handle that stuff anyway.

Yup ...ebay sister gift = scorpiosis $ = books

Or...non confrontational without a lie...

Dad: How did the Birthday gift work out
You: It worked out just fine, thanks

then proceed to plan secretary next year.... My youngest send me power points for her birthday and Christmas as to what she wants and where to get it.

The folks who have suggested that you put it up on ebay or otherwise dispose of it in ways that don't cost $70 and your time (much more valuable than that) and your energy (even more so) make a good point. A $3000 charity donation to Goodwill would result in $$ back on your tax return, as well. There are dozens of ways that you could dispose of the gift, but for some inexplicable reason, you would get "sick". That is your issue to work on, that is your part in this. Kind of an interesting choice of words, given that you have some troubling medical issues that you're currently dealing with.

Your description of this gifting narrative between you and your father sounds like the two of you are enacting a play from way back when. Gift-giving is often symbolic between parents and children, grown or not, and the dynamics of it are often reminiscent of the other "stuff" that parents have given us.

You are right, I think, that it will never change. Unless you walk away from your role. You don't have to play whatever this role is that you and your father have agreed is yours. It's just . . . not.

I am so glad you are sharing this with us. really, it's a bit like my mother saying my SIL wants x to eat on my birthday, now what can she make for me? I can't ask the old lady to cook something MORE, I don't have the balls my SIL does! omg, has your sister been getting YOUR birthday present all these years? or the secretary? or what or who? this is great, really. get over this, ie solve the issue, and you will find your perm r/s in no time. you will be ready for it.