omg did i make a big misteak

so i went to T unsure what i was going to talk about. so i sat down and T asked if i wanted to continue working with my T journal .i said yes that i didn't care if she wanted to it was OK .so i gave her my journal and she started talking about the drawings .it was so so hard.we actually talked about some of my perceptions of the world. it was so so hard,she talked a lot. we got on the subject of my grandmother and i did want to tell her my son was home and the impending drama. she loudly said what???your son is home and you didn't come in here and tell me first thing instead let us sit and talk about this unimportant stuff.i was crushed i said i thought this stuff was important. she then said it is important. but my son being home was super important

did i make a huge mistake showing her my drawings, i really thought she liked them and was interested in them and what they say. they may not be perfect but they were my heart and she now shows that she feels they were unimportant.i don't thin i could ever show her any more. i wont be able to get that out of my head.no matter how she spins it. i find it impossably hard to talk about this stuff and can always talk about my son. i know it was important to talk about this stuff but omg. i feel so vulnerable now .i dont even want to share what was talked about the drawings i feel so stupid to fall for all this stuff.

((((((((granite))))))))))) i think your t did what is called a major stuff up in using the wrong words ... and is probably kicking herself for it reading it from a distance .... more likely she was thinking that what was happening with your son was more time sensitive wise as far as being helpful to you; and that you could go back to looking at your drawings more later (less time sensitive in her mind). from what you wrote the other week she knows they are important ..................... but maybe she is still learning just HOW important; we know, you know ... she is a little slow i don't think you made a mistake at all; i think she did ............... and hope the two of you can find a way to move on and that you can feel comfy sharing with her still; it seems really important that she is coming to know the granite of the drawings
you weren't stupid in this; she just (and i know it feels like a massive just) made a mistake

Did she actually use the word unimportant? If she did I think she knew that was a mistake, that's why she said the other stuff was more important instead. Sometimes it's hard to tell our T's how we feel about what they are telling us right in the moment. You didn't really make a mistake or do things the wrong way round, your T just didn't understand for a moment, and that's okay.

You were continuing to work on something big that you started on last time, that actually was hard to talk about. When you were ready to talk about big issues happening right now, you even did that too! You're amazing. Maybe next time you can tell her you felt like after what she said that you made a mistake, but maybe tell her that you were building up to what you said and that was the way you needed to do it?

((Granite))

Your T made a mistake. I hope you will forgive her.

Granite, you didn't make any mistake. You are there to talk about (or express) what you want / need to talk about. Did she actually use the words "talk about this unimportant stuff"? If she did, then I would say that she is the one that made a big mistake.

yup those were her accual words .it hurt a lot .i know i can forgive her but i really dont think it would be a good idea to continue showing her my T journal . i'm ok with not showing her it. i believe in order for her to say this she had to feel it on some level.but at least i was able to say it was important to me,

Sounds like your T got excited, that's all. she DOES know you, and she just wanted to share in that excitement. there WERE about 20 OMG's here on PC yesterday (but who's counting?). you do happy pretty good, better than anyone here that I can see. she doesn't know that about you, does she? your H, your craft room, the tea cubby your H built - these are not trivial parts of your life. they are as meaningful as my weird hoarding messes are. T's need to see ALL the pieces of the puzzle to be able to figure out the big picture.

granite i don't think this means you have to never show her this journal. somtimes T's say things that come out wrong. tuesday my T was telling me how seh thinks my reaction to my grandfather's death is something bigger than just the death. she said "it isn't like this was a tragedy. he was sick, and old and lived a long full life." i wanted to shout at her "oh, so my poppa dying isn't tragic?!" of course, i didn't. she followed that up by saying that death is a big thing on its own...etc.

i probably won't tell her that it hurt my feelings, made me feel like i was grieving my poppa's death wrong but i do also realize that she was trying to explain that his death seems to trigger other stuff in me. i think she could have worded it better, but i guess she can't be perfect all the time

seriously, i hope you can say that you now never want to show her your journal again. and when she asks why, you can tell her that you called it "unimportant." see where it goes. maybe all she can do is apologize, but i know she still wants to talk about this stuff. it IS very important.

Do you know the old Bing Crosby tune, "Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative?" Sometimes in my therapy, I often do the reverse. Accentuate the negative, and forget about the postive. I think she meant to share in your excitement about your son being home, and inadvertently stepped on your toes in the process. I hope you can forgive her. It seems like an honest screw up.

I am sorry that happened. I think she got excited about your son being home & didn't think about what she was saying.

Granite, if your drawings weren't important she would not have brought them up again this week. She remembered them from last week and wanted to continue working on them...

IMO she probably felt bad because as you said "she talked a lot."... maybe she felt like she had monopolized your session and you really wanted to to talk about your son.... remember you haven't always said what you want in the past ....

Your T simply made a mistake. If I didn't forgive all of my T's mistakes, I'd never talk. She even said today, "I know what I want to say, but it just isn't coming out right." It was true, it wasn't coming out right.

I think you're dealing with the same type of thing. She had good intentions, but it didn't come out right. I understand what she meant. Your son surprising you coming home was HUGE.

I agree. YOU didn't make a mistake. Your T's choice of words was bad but I think she was just surprised you didn't tell her your son was home since it's something so wonderful!! I understand, though. Sometimes I want to work on something from the past that seems VERY important to me, and IS important, so I skip over good things that happened during the week even if I know my T would want to know about them.

Ts make mistakes. I think she'll be happy to see your journal again. It would be helpful if she knew what your reaction to her statement was, though.

I also want to say: I got MARRIED one weekend and didn't tell my T beforehand. boy was she mad. I was like, what business is it of yours? But that was like 20 years ago. Things would probably be different now. T knows when I poop.

I saw my first T for about 4 months before I told her that my mother had died a few months before I started seeing her!

Granite, she was just basically saying that your son being home and all the stress that might involve might be more immediately important and that you might need to spend time discussing that as it is a current, immediate issue in your life that you are going to have to cope with. She wasn't really saying your drawings were unimportant; she was sort of ranking your son's visit as perhaps more immediately important and that the drawings could be discussed at another time.

Don't hang all your judgements on a few misspoken words. Think about this in context. She was quite interested in your drawings; she showed that quite clearly. Her actions need to speak more loudly in your head than her words. She simply wants to help you in the best way she can, and she most likely felt that dealing with the immediacy of your son's visit might should take precedence right now as it could be a stressful time for you.

This was my reaction too. Granite just enjoy yr son's being home.

I'm hoping you will continue to share your drawings; it's a whole new venture for you and T.

i do forgive her and i am trying to let it go.i agree that talking about my son being here is important .but one of my thoughts is that i went in to T with no agenda.i was a bit panicked but still in a great mood i was willing to talk about my son but cautious about it i didn't want to create a crisis about my family if it wasn't going to happen .i didn't want my bubble to be burst (this did not happen even with talking about it,I'm so glad)at the same time when she asked me if i wanted to continue talking about the drawings i agreed because although my son being home was important i felt my willingness and ability to try and keep talking about these things that terrify me was more important because i know me.it might have been month if ever i was willing to talk about them again. i think i am also mixing in the fact that she said that it was unimportant as a way out of ever talking about it again.in my head it is validating that it was a bad idea etc... weather this is reality or not. this is my big struggle now so think the drawing are just going away for now but i have forgiven her for what she said i do believe it was a mistake .but am having a hard time believing it didn't come from her on some level believing this to be true

Yikes! Maybe she is just one of those clumsy people?

i know i am being hard on her and i have forgiven her i really have, but it hurt. i really am going to just forget about it and move on put it all away

I can totally understand how that hurt you. You are vulnerable to sharing and then she said something clumsy like this. Ouch!

I agree with the majority, she made a mistake, poor word choice.... I am sure she was more concerned in the moment stuff, as far as son being home and immediate issues it would create. Remember how taken aback and happy and honored she felt when you shared it last week? She made a mistake in wording.

granite i don't think you should "put it all away" and leave it at that. hopefully she wont let you. i think you are placing too much emphasis on the word "unimportant." she probably just didn't think it through before she spoke. (Bad T!) i really hope you can tell her some of this. you are doing so so so great