[Chopin99]

T told me Wednesday that she had a lot to say regarding people skills. Turns out, she really doesn't. She believes much like my boss does that they are not something that can be taught. What she wanted me to know about dealing with people in general:

1. Everyone is going through something. They may act out, be silent, have a chip on their shoulder, be jovial, do their job well, not do their job well, be kind, try to get away with things, be honest, etc, etc.
2. Never ever think that as a manager, I am more important than those who work for me.
3. All people want respect. All people have worth. Treat people with both.
4. Ask people for their help rather than ordering them around. People like to help. They don't like being told what to do.

I also learned more about T herself today:
1. She said one day she went home and told her H, "Sometimes, I just wish people would leave me alone." Her H asked her if she'd made that comment to anyone else. She told him no and asked why. He told her, "Because you're a counselor. If you told any of your colleagues, or worse, any of your clients, you'd sound like you hate what you do." I said, "Well, you just told me." She said, "You work in human services. Haven't you had a day like that?" I said, "Yes. Many of those days." (For example, I had one day as QP where one client was sick, one client had a toileting accident, one schizophrenic client had a psychotic episode, and one client threw a tissue box and a chair at me...all within 2 hours.) She said, "You understand, don't you?" I said, "Yes. All kinds of stuff can happen with clients and it's tough, but I love them anyway." She grinned.
2. Despite her past as a cheerleader, my T is only a borderline extrovert. An event like the Thanksgiving dinner we had at my work last night (100+ people) would make her extremely uncomfortable. I was only mildly uncomfortable. She said she's as happy reading a book at home as she is at a dinner party for 10. We're actually alike this way.
3. T talked about how we have to be careful with gossip. She's told me several times about her BIL and his wife who are staunch fundamentalists. They anger and frustrate her with their judgmental ways. Her daughter has told her twice that she has never felt so judged as she does in their presence. T said one day she was "discussing" them with her daughter and had a realization. She told her daughter, "Do you realize we're gossiping about them? We are guilty of the same thing they are; we're just doing it behind their back."

I was able to share a couple of things with T.
1. I told her that Brene Brown is doing read-alongs with Daring Greatly. She gave me her iPad and let me show her. T's chomping at the bits now.
2. I showed her my work website. She said she'd already visited it (I sent it to her one time), but she wanted to see my boss' picture. She said he looks familiar. I said he looks like Stephen King (he does).

I'll see her again next Tuesday. Back to shame, I guess.

[granite1]

wow your T is so real chopin it is amazing how she can be so open and human and yet be so strong and ok .and again you are so open it is so nice to hear about

chopin, I enjoy reading your posts, but rarely comment because I don't feel like I have much to contribute. This time however, I was going to tease you a bit about the "chomping at the bits" comment. A horse can only have one bit in his or her mouth at a time, so the saying is "chomping at the bit." Singular.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

chopin, I enjoy reading your posts, but rarely comment because I don't feel like I have much to contribute. This time however, I was going to tease you a bit about the "chomping at the bits" comment. A horse can only have one bit in his or her mouth at a time, so the saying is "chomping at the bit." Singular.

Hehe. I had no idea. My mom always said people were "chomping at the bits". I know you are horse people. I've never been near a horse in my life. I know it's probably hard to believe that, but it's the truth!

Thanks for the tease. I figured I wouldn't get too many responses as this was a pretty mundane post compared to my Wednesday one.

[Anne2.0]

I have been thinking a lot lately about the ways that T reveals himself to me and what it is for. One of the things I really like about talking about my work with T is that he really understands it and understands me and understands that who I am at work is very much who I am as a person.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

chopin, I enjoy reading your posts, but rarely comment because I don't feel like I have much to contribute. This time however, I was going to tease you a bit about the "chomping at the bits" comment. A horse can only have one bit in his or her mouth at a time, so the saying is "chomping at the bit." Singular.

You're right, the saying is singular... However...! You don't have double/Weymouth bridles in America? Two bits are used at the same time in some disciplines... (not that I'm saying I love the idea or personally do this - two pairs of reins? Hassle I can do without, and the less metal in my horse's mouth the better, but y'anno...). (Sorry to be a wiseass ).

Sounds like a good session, Chopin, you and T seem to be rolling happily along... I want to get back to this kind of stability, no more drama!

[feralkittymom]

O/T: We have Weymouths and all manner of double bits here. But they do tend to be more commonly used with gaited horses and other show breeds more than hunter/jumpers.

MKAC and Girl--do you have hunter/jumpers or event horses? I really miss horses in my life...

[unaluna]

http://grammarist.com/usage/champing...ng-at-the-bit/
says that the original word was champing, as a bit is metal and therefore not eaten. chomping means to eat noisily, doesn't really apply to bits. but both are being used now.

Originally Posted by hankster

http://grammarist.com/usage/champing...ng-at-the-bit/
says that the original word was champing, as a bit is metal and therefore not eaten. chomping means to eat noisily, doesn't really apply to bits. but both are being used now.

Haha, hankster!

Well, my horse CHOMPS!!

I'm in fact going riding my horse now, not an eventer/jumper - though she probably could have been, the way she's bred/built, but I'm not into all that - just happy hacking

[EeyoreSmile]

I think all of those insights are true and I do love the sessions when it's more like a conversation than drudging through the "process"

I don't know about champing, chomping.. or bits.. but I do know this thread makes me wish I had a horse in the backyard!! I miss horseback riding. (not that i've done it besides on vacation)

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by hankster

http://grammarist.com/usage/champing...ng-at-the-bit/
says that the original word was champing, as a bit is metal and therefore not eaten. chomping means to eat noisily, doesn't really apply to bits. but both are being used now.

Thanks for this...I now have that site bookmarked. I love it. I'm going to continue to use "chomp" rather than "champ", but I will modify "bits" to "bit".

Anne...my work is a large part of who I am. I do use it on occasion to avoid dealing with the real issues, but T knew I seriously needed to discuss it this time because the change of job duties (I'm going to keep the job title "Program Development Coordinator" since this change is supposed to be temporary) is causing me some distress.

JSG...I hope you get back to some semblance of comfort in your therapy very soon. I know the drama is distressing.

Eeyore...I do love these sessions, especially after a difficult one like I had Wednesday.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

She believes much like my boss does that they are not something that can be taught.

Gah! I hate that mystic attitude.

Anything that can be learned can be taught. So there!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

1. She said one day she went home and told her H, "Sometimes, I just wish people would leave me alone." Her H asked her if she'd made that comment to anyone else. She told him no and asked why. He told her, "Because you're a counselor. If you told any of your colleagues, or worse, any of your clients, you'd sound like you hate what you do." I said, "Well, you just told me." She said, "You work in human services. Haven't you had a day like that?" I said, "Yes. Many of those days." (For example, I had one day as QP where one client was sick, one client had a toileting accident, one schizophrenic client had a psychotic episode, and one client threw a tissue box and a chair at me...all within 2 hours.) She said, "You understand, don't you?" I said, "Yes. All kinds of stuff can happen with clients and it's tough, but I love them anyway." She grinned.

Um... What's the lesson here?

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Um... What's the lesson here?

That sometimes, when you work in human services (and it's not exclusively related to the mental health field but any job working with people), those humans are going to get on your nerves.

T and I both have "set" clientele for the most part. If one (or all) of those clients frustrate, anger, and/or sadden us, it doesn't mean we love our clients any less.

My T grinned because I called her on what she said (as a client), but since I am a service provider also, how I feel about my clients (I love them) is also true for T. A really roundabout reminder that she loves me and that will never change (as she expressed to me recently).

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

You're right, the saying is singular... However...! You don't have double/Weymouth bridles in America? Two bits are used at the same time in some disciplines... (not that I'm saying I love the idea or personally do this - two pairs of reins? Hassle I can do without, and the less metal in my horse's mouth the better, but y'anno...). (Sorry to be a wiseass ).

Sounds like a good session, Chopin, you and T seem to be rolling happily along... I want to get back to this kind of stability, no more drama!

Ah, a very few people DO use those, I forgot.