[retro_chic]

I saw T today and we discussed the email I sent her ( I always send her an email with the things I want to discuss because it is easier for me to open up if I do that). Anyway, I mentioned in the email that I wanted her to hug me and tell me everything is okay. It is something I have wanted to bring up for a while and I am glad I finally did. I said that I know it is not her job to do that and I should be going to friends/family for that kind of support but I can't open up to any of them.

T said it is not necessarily that it isn't her "job" but it wouldn't be what is best for me to give me that kind of support. She said it is understandable to want affection from her since it is a safe environment and I have shared a lot of personal things with her but it would be more helpful to work on my relationships outside of therapy to get the affection that I want rather than relying on our 1hr sessions every fortnight.

I guess I wont be getting a hug from T anytime soon but I think it is probably for the best!

[Wren_]

I'm glad you were able to talk about it with your t and in a way where your needs were acknowledged and understood ... and that your t gave good reasons for her response

I think we are to rely on that 'hour' too It's where we internalise it and then use that in the outside world. That 'hour' is our secure base. We or I check-in emotionally with all that hour gives me. Then other people fit into that rather than the other way round.

I am glad you seem okay with that response, retro_chic. I would find it incredibly difficult to deal with. You are so strong!

[FourRedheads]

I totally understand wanting T to hold you and wanting a hug.

I want this from my T too, but I have not asked her. I've written about wanting to be held in my journal and T has read this, but she has not brought it up.

I admire you for bringing this up to your T.

[Miswimmy1]

I am so happy that you were able to bring this up to t. I think she gave good reasons for her response and I admire you for dealing with it so well. I brought this up to my t a while back, and if she had told me this, I would hav not dealt with it well.

[retro_chic]

Thanks everyone for your responses! I think what has helped me to deal with it the way I have is that I already knew that it wouldn't be best for T be my only emotional support. If she had obliged and hugged me it would have been very easy to become dependant on T and further neglect my personal relationships instead of building on them.

Don't get me wrong, there is still that little voice that is saying "T regected you, she doesn't like you" but I am learning not to pay attention to unhelpful thoughts. It also helps that common sense tells me that statement is completely false.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

I think we are to rely on that 'hour' too It's where we internalise it and then use that in the outside world. That 'hour' is our secure base. We or I check-in emotionally with all that hour gives me. Then other people fit into that rather than the other way round.

I agree that it is important rely on that "hour" in the sense that we should take what we have learned and apply it to our everyday lives. What I was saying in original post though was that I shouldn't be relying on T for my only emotional support especially if I am using that as a way to avoid working on my personal relationships. One of my (many) issues is that I have been keeping people at a distance for a long time and as a result I am not getting my needs met in those relationships. I think I am finally ready to start building closer relationships again.

[Bill3]

In the past, closeness to T was sufficient such that you didn't feel the need for any other close relationships and so you did not work on them.