[Miswimmy1]

Just curious. I asked my t once if she had any disorders of her own, and if that is why she went into the field. She didn't answer my question, and instead went on to talk about her family. It sounds to me as if her family has many various disorders in the family line, most of which are hereditary. It makes me wonder if she really does struggle with some herself. I was wondering if she thought it was inapropriate to ask that and that is why she didn't directly answer my question, or if she just doesn't have any. I'm curious because I feel like if I knew she had 1sthand experience, I would have a little more faith in her, and feel like I could relate better. But Im not sure if pursuing this is appropriate. Thoughts?

Therapy is supposed to be about you.... so I don't think its appropriate for her to respond.

You can ask, but it is her prerogative not to answer and you would have to accept that if that is what she does. That's not where faith in your T needs to come from though. Your T has shown to be quite attentive and able. Why this? Why now?

[healed84]

I think my T would turn it around to me and ask why I want to know.. Depending on my answer he may or may not disclose any pertitent information, but like ready said, T is about you.

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Why this? Why now?

I dont know. I was just curious. Im still thinking about why she made the decisions that she did. Im really trying hard to accept that she apparently thinks that its the best for me, but its hard. any ounce of extra faith would be enormously helpful at this point. so im just looking at all my options.

Her decisions are based on her experience and training as a professional, not on any personal issues she has. Perhaps you need to trust her decisions and do what you need to do to accept them and carry on through the next few weeks.

[rainbow8]

Somewhere on her website or another site where she is listed, I read something my T wrote about her "going through grieving in her own life" so I figured it was all right to ask her about it. She told me that her parents had passed away, one of them when she was a child, and also a sibling. I think it would be inappropriate to directly ask a T "what are your issues", though.

When we started doing EMDR and I wanted to do it about accidents in K, T shared that she also did EMDR on the same subject. As far as her current concerns, unless she mentions them, they are off-limits to me.

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Her decisions are based on her experience and training as a professional, not on any personal issues she has. Perhaps you need to trust her decisions and do what you need to do to accept them and carry on through the next few weeks.

yes. i know. easier said than done. i really need to learn yoga or something to make me mind stop thinking. maybe its cuz im not on meds anymore, but i find that i am almost hyperfocusing on her leave of absence. :/

[Nightlight]

I think it depends on the therapist and the client. It's okay to ask, but they may not answer questions like that. I think it's their right to decide how much to share when it comes to things like that. They may also not want to share because they don't think sharing that information would help, and they want to keep the focus on the client.

I've been really helped by building what feels like a genuine relationship myself. It's what I missed out on and it's what my therapist gave me. I feel quite privileged that she has always been quite open with me. She will give me examples of times when she's struggled. I know she has had some difficulties with her family relationships before, but she has not struggled with life in quite the same way as I have.

[granite1]

i think if i ever asked my T this after she picked herself up off the floor that i accually would ask her a personal question she would probibly ask if it was some kind of test and go from there .i dont think she would answer it though

[sconnie892]

I think that since therapy is such a one-sided relationship, it is somewhat natural to wonder about your t.

While I would never outright ask my t about her issues, I don't think asking completely crosses the line. It may prompt a discussion about therapy being focused on you and what the boundaries of the therapy relationship are. If you ask, you have to be ready for your t to say she is not going to answer your questions for the reasons others have stated above. However, pursuing the issue after your t makes it clear she is not going to answer would be crossing the line.

[autotelica]

I don't think it's inappropriate unless you can't handle getting an honest response. We are perfectly free to ask any question we'd like. We just aren't entitled to receive every answer we want.

Chances are your therapist will not feel comfortable divulging her personal issues with you. For one thing, you are young and impressionable. Her issues may be mild, or they may be mature-audiences-only kind of stuff. Secondly, it's not important to your therapy. Your therapist has amply demonstrated that she has compassion towards you. She shouldn't have to push her boundaries any more than necessary to continue doing this.

No one is ever really going to completely understand what you're going through. Even if your therapist had all of your diagnoses, you would still find yourself disagreeing with her and feeling misunderstood sometimes.

Everyone's experience with mental illnesses is different. For instance, I don't really *get* what most of the folks on this board are talking about half the time, even though I have my own tales of woe and messed-up experiences. This doesn't mean I can't offer good suggestions or opinions, though.

I don't even think it would be a good thing if our therapists had similar experiences as us. They have to maintain some level of objective perspective. I would imagine this would be quite difficult to do if their clients were a spitting image of themselves.

[unaluna]

I have asked pretty specific relationship and depression questions ie how does he deal with something. That looks to me like where you are going when you say you're expected to have faith. Maybe just ask more questions? Altho I know she's out for a while right now. Been there

[Wren_]

I don't think it's inappropriate unless you can't handle getting an honest response.

i like autotelica's response; sometimes we ask things and the response if it comes can make things worse rather than easier

my first T told me (unasked for) detailed stories of the abuse she encountered as a child and as a grown up; I then always felt that I couldn't share things because what she encountered was worse. Another T I had briefly told me similar things and the same thing happened

[autotelica]

I meant to add, my therapist has shared some of her issues with me, just because she talks entirely too much! Maybe it's just me, but I can't say it has made me feel closer to her since her issues are nothing like mine. But I think this is why she felt comfortable telling me in the first place.

[franki_j]

My T specializes in eating disorders, specifically binge eating disorder. She is normal weight, but also kind of tall and sturdy, definitely NOT petite or lean or anything like that, so I used to wonder if she had struggled with weight issues.

Through my online stalking, I found a super grainy picture of her taken about 15 years ago where she looked a lot heavier (and my T doesn't have kids so it wasn't pregnancy weight or anything like that.) This kind of confirmed for me that she had struggled with weight issues of her own and overcome them, which made me respect her a lot more and also made me see her as more human and as having vulnerabilities. Of course I would never admit to her I saw this picture.

So anyways, I don't think it's inappropriate to ask your T this, as I have wondered the same thing, but I wouldn't expect an answer.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

i like autotelica's response; sometimes we ask things and the response if it comes can make things worse rather than easier

I have to admit that I like being able to accuse my therapist of not getting it since her life is seemingly so "normal". If I thought she could out-do me in the freakshow department, my self-righteous outrage would lose a lot of its steam.

[amandalouise]

here where I live and work in NY, USA it is not inappropriate for a client to ask any questions regardless of what the question is, that said sometimes it is inappropriate / against the policies of the therapist or mental health agency to answer personal questions relating to the treatment provider....

for example here at the crisis center those I work with can ask me whether I have my own issues and what they are. but my work rules prohibit me from discussing or even answering yes or no when asked those questions. my work rules state all focus must be on the client and the clients own issues and if they ask us any personal questions relating to our own mental health we must answer with statements that reflect why we are seeing the client. I have found that those I work with usually ask me about my issues/problems at a time when they dont want to discuss their own issues/problems for many reasons.. So I follow the agency rule but do so in a creative way in which the client can enjoy a bit of fun banter while at the same time see we both know what is going on...

for example one of my answers to this kind of questioning is

"ah a therapist in the making I see before me and like the therapist sitting before me is doing, I think I will use the same tactic of deflecting the therapist off of my own issues by asking the therapist a question about their self.. lets see now what shall I ask... "

then I ask the client a question about the topic we were discussing before they attempted to turn the session off of their own issues and on to mine.

sometimes I will hand the client a pair of fake glasses to put on the edge of their nose and, and a pad of paper and pen to take notes with.

with my own therapist asking personal questions is allowed but her answers are always with in the scope of what we are talking about. she never says yes I'm dealing with this problem right now and heres the details.

right now our sessions are centering on my pregnancy and how thats making me feel. I know she's been pregnant because she has to schedule her sessions with her clients around her children school/ functions...

I can ask her for example did this happen and that happen to you and she will smile at me and not say a word. but if I word it a different way like

is it normal for pregnant people to feel fat and ugly?

her answer was "Ah yes I remember that well, tell me when you feel like that what do you do, are you continuing to eat a well balanced diet,....." checking in with me about my eating disorder to make sure I'm staying on track.

in a round about way I got my answer while she followed the rule that therapy sessions must focus on the client.

my therapist has also told me things like ..thats none of your business we are here to talk about you statements, sorry we are here to talk about you not me statements..

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by autotelica

I have to admit that I like being able to accuse my therapist of not getting it since her life is seemingly so "normal". If I thought she could out-do me in the freakshow department, my self-righteous outrage would lose a lot of its steam.

Good point

[EeyoreSmile]

I don't think it's inappropriate at face value, but I'd never expect a full response if that makes sense. It has helped me to look at my relationship with my therapist just like I look at my relationship with my students just in reverse. When my students ask me questions, some of them are completely ridiculous and inappropriate, but I can honestly say I don't take them personally.. the 4 times I've been asked if I was pregnant for example LOL Some they ask are more innocent but still none of their business... Why don't you have children? Do you and your siblings all have the same father? etc etc.. and sometimes I answer, sometimes i deflect, depending on the student and the circumstance and why they are asking.

I spoke to one of my classes about my father dying because it was poignant to the conversation... but I would never go into that detail just on a random conversation.

I say ask what you want.. and then just trust your t to not make you feel bad/shame/guilt about it... Trust that your T will support you through it.

[feralkittymom]

I haven't read all of the responses yet because I only have a few minutes.

Generally, I think asking for this sort of information is a distraction. I know you think it will help you to feel more comfortable, knowing that your T has faced issue X. But it may also very well boomerang, undermining your trust in her competence. Personally, I always wanted a T who was emotionally healthy. While it is certainly possible for someone to have faced major trauma and recovered and become a T, there are an awful lot of Ts out there, especially with MA degrees, who are not over their own stuff, and their decisions to become Ts are more closely connected to their pursuit of their own healing than anything else. I didn't want to be their client.

A good T will respect their own limitations, based upon their self-analysis, and not work with a client on issues that have unresolved emotional resonance for themselves.

If she hasn't shown you through her actions any reason to doubt her, it would be wise to think about why you have a need for this info right now.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Miswimmy,
Here is my experience with this:

My xT and I came to a point earlier on in therapy where there were a few ruptures. During one of them, I told him, "I have analyzed myself to death and it feels like you are the one who is holding us back. It feels like you want to accept my feelings (neediness) but you can't." He said that , yes, it was him, and that information was really helpful because I kept thinking it was all me. I then learned that relationships were, in fact, a two-way street.

He did tell me point blank that he was having countertransference issues at the end right before I left forever, although I wasn't really sure about much of what was going on then. He had changed his behavior, became much more distant, I was clueless. Was this his unresolved issues that were causing him to be distant? It was shocking to be honest. One day I felt he cared, I did become really stressed he was leaving when his distancing started and my attachment issues escalated, and then I felt he cared no more. I think in order to trust him, he would have had to tell me point blank what was going on, because it eroded my trust in him. This would have happened whether or not he had disclosed information. Changing tactics and not letting the client know is terrifying. Anyway, I don't know if his countransference due to unresolved issues was the main reason he chose not to work with me anymore, and why he pushed me out. (my perception of how things went). I need to understand in order to move on. I need to talk to him and hear it from him. I hope it happens, but I don't think it will. He doesn't want to talk to me

So, that is how therapist disclosure worked out in my relationship. I think it was a positive thing that he disclosed this. The termination part went south because I was dissociated more often than not because it was so jarring, and because I was trying to grasp at straws. But, I don't think it had anything with the disclosure of him having issues (he didn't go into much detail, just a little), it may have been a cause, but the lack of communication during that time is what made it so hard.

I think in therapy you are able to bring up whatever questions you have, just know that she might not want to answer. I wish you the best of luck!

i ask t why he became a t and he told me his story... and the why was because of things that happened to him while growing up. he said it was of his opinion, most t's had something that effected them and that is why they became t's ,,, i believe t, but idk???? just another point to ponder

[Sila]

jb, that's similar to why I'm going to occupational therapy as a career to specifically work with autistic/developmental disabled kids. I went through crap as a kid cuz no one understood what my 'issues' were, I was just stuck in my own world and no one could get me out of it. There's so much that I feel I can do to help kids avoid the pain i went through by not understanding what was going on, so I want to be there to help them. And OT is a great way for me to do that.
I suspect the above is a similar situation to why T's go into therapy as a career. They probably faced similar issues themselves and saw just how it felt to both go through it yourself, as well as help someone else through their issues.

Course that's not to say that's for everyone. But it's a possible explanation for some.

I know what several of my t's issues are because we've talked about some, but shes asked me to keep them private since a lot of people know her and shes not comfortable with the world knowing. Some of the things i have asked her, and some of the things she has offered while we were talking about my stuff, to let me know she could understand what i was going through-- and that was helpful.

I personally am not all that comfortable asking people what their issues are in general. However, we have one alter who is a teenager and she and our T are so much alike in their personalities, and they are a lot like friends...and she can get away with talking to our T in ways i wouldnt even dream of so she is generally the one who asks t intrusive questions about her life. T usually answers her. There is also a little one who is about 6 who is very shy and doesnt talk much at all, and usually any time she is brave enough to say anything at all, t will engage her in conversation-- even if it is private stuff about t, so t will answer those questions too even if they are about her personal life. She might not always give specifics but enough to make us feel like the question has been answered.

In general though i think it depends on the client and the t. Just like in life. W all have our personal boundaries and are comfortable saying different things to different people, or in various situations. I will answer almost anything that my t asks, some things my sister asks, but deflect nearly everything that most other people ask just because i dont trust people.I would imagine its the same with ts and clients they feel they can trust, unless they just have a blanket policy of not sharing personal info.