Is it inapropriate to ask t what their issues are?

No way... my T doesn't talk about herself at all. I don't think they are allowed to over here, or maybe she is just strict. Either way it is OK with me because I think if I knew anything about her, it would corrupt my sessions. She is supposed to re parent me or something along those lines, and if I knew any of her flaws, etc, I think that would ruin that process. I know parents are human too and they have flaws etc blah blah but when you are reparenting someone in a therepeutic context, you have to do it in with as clean a slate as possible, so to speak.

Honestly, the only time I want to know stuff about my therapist is, if it is in the form of appropriate self-disclosure - if it is relateable and therapeutic to my process and work with her. it's normal to be curious, but i don't think satisfying that curiosity would be helpful, imo.

I know things about my T and that includes some of his "issues", the things he has struggled with in his life. I think that the key is past tense, as I think for a T to share ongoing or current issues would be weird. And then there's the level of detail sharing-- I know few details about said issues, and I think a detailed disclosure, as opposed to a one sentence or two factual statement that is oriented towards sharing how he moved from place a to place b or something like that, would be more uncomfortable for me.

But I do think that the instinct to want to know more about what T has overcome, as opposed to currently going through, may come from a healthy place of reaching out for connection in a deeper way. I know it has been good for me to relate to my T as a real person, as a man, not just as a role, my T.

@OP: You can always ask, but be prepared for disappointment.

One other thing I was thinking of is that when I asked current T something about himself and he did respond, it just made me more curious. Might be neverending?

I thought you have good, appropriate reasons for wanting to ask. There are some disorders or disabilities that you can't understand as deeply if you haven't experienced it yourself. That doesn't mean your therapist can't be a good therapist if she doesn't have the same issue as you, but it's natural you would trust her more easily if she does. I think the way you explained your reasons for wanting to ask in your first post on this thread was positive and that would be a good way to explain it to the therapist.

Of course, she still has legitimate reasons for not wanting to answer, whether she has the same issues as you do or not. But she should respect you for asking even if she doesn't answer.

hehe.

My T has told me some of his past wounds as they related to mine. We were both badly bullied in high school. I know he understands this pain. Also our fathers were similar.

I would never outright ask him though. If he shares because it relates then I find that honoring, otherwise it's not really something I would dig at.

I think we do ask these kind of questions to begin with. It's a way of trying to master the world around us.

Personally I have no desire to know what my T's issues are. I don't want to know that he is human like the rest of us. Everybody has issues. T's are not exempt. He has shared parts of his life that have been good and at times funny. He has shared one particular part of himself that really undermined my confidence in him. We dealt with it.

Be careful what you wish for.

I go under the idea that all therapists have their issues or they wouldn't have taken on this taxing field. That said it depends on the relationship. I can't even get a straight answer about her lunch time. Now my pdoc I'll be asking why he switch fields from physics to psychiatry.

Had another thought about this.

I suspect that the more intensely one feels a desire to know such information, the less advisable it would be to receive it. And a competent T will respond accordingly.

Mswimmy, I know this separation is difficult, but I think you may be pleasantly surprised in hindsight by your response to it.

I while back in T I took a "Schema Quiz" ( a schema is like a pattern of thoughts/behaviours incase you haven't heard of it before). Anyway, I scored high on the perfectionist scale for example and my T shared that when she took it she scored highest on the fear of abandonment scale. The other thing T has shared with me is that she gets nervous about the dentist. Other than those two things I don't know anything about her issues. I am curious but at the same time, I know it is not in my best interest to know too much about T.