Should I ask my Therapist if she has dealt with this before?

I just had a session with my therapist last weekend and I'm due to see her again next Saturday.

During the session, we touched a lot of issues - primarily my dad and grandma's death. Those were the topics I intended to speak about. But towards the end, the discussion veered to my recent relationship with a much older man. I wasn't comfortable divulging the details and so I didn't disclose a lot of these stuff (even lied about some parts)

Now I have thought about it and would like to talk to her about it. But the thing is some parts of it is related to Sadism and Masochism and I'm not sure if she is capable of handling it. I don't wish to be "treated" by someone who has no experience in this field. Would it be okay if I ask her whether she has had any experience in dealing with these issues? Or would that sound rude?

-- Juju.

I don't think you have to worry about being rude with your T, and I think it's fine to ask her any questions you like. If you are suggesting that you will ask her if she has personal experience in her personal life with bdsm, then I don't know if she will answer you directly. If your real issue is that you want to know if she is comfortable with bdsm, or knowledgeable because of other clients, those are different still. But I think expressing what you have here, that you would feel more comfortable talking about your relationship if you knew that she had some awareness of these kinds of relationships. Or maybe you just want to ensure that she's not bigoted or prejudiced against these kinds of relationships. I do think you need to clarify exactly what you want to know before you ask it.

My guess is that no matter what experience she has and hasn't had, you still need to explain how you see things. Just because I'm married, it doesn't mean that my therapist understands what being married means to me or how our marriage plays itself out on a daily basis. Even if your T has seen 100 clients in bdsm relationships, it doesn't mean that she "knows" what you expect her to know.

I would tell her that you have a bdsm relationship and you are not willing to change that. I feel a good therapist will not be bothered by this.

It would not sound rude.

Well it's not something I go out of my way to talk about, but I'll share here in the hopes that it will help. I told my t about my bdsm relationship as soon as I had established enough trust with her that I knew she would be able to handle it. (It sorta came up in a dream, and we do a lot of dream work, so that was the perfect opportunity to get it out there.) I also told her that it wasn't something I was looking for help with, as it is a part of who I am that I don't want to change. And she was fine with that. It wouldn't sound rude for you to ask, and like miguel'smom said a good therapist wouldn't be bothered by it anyway. I wish you luck!

Yeah I've asked my T many personal Qs- my guess is that they are use to them. As has been already mentioned here, a good T wouldn't be bothered by this.
It's valid if you need to ask- nobody can guarantee that she'll answer you but it'll get the discussion started.