My T is very glamorous. I don't know why this distracts me so much but ut does. She like high heels, pearl necklaces, lots of pink and leopard skin dresses with knee high boots. Her jewellery is very classy and most of the time I just sit there looking at her clothes. I find them very distracting, am I being too fussy or would it annoy anyone else?

I totally get this. My T is very stylish. She looks like an older version of Angelina Jolie. And while I 100% am sure I am straight..sometimes I just can't ignore her beauty and style. And yes, it can get distracting at times. But..I'm not gonna comment on it to her. Maybe thats her way of dealing with the world. To always look her best. Everyone has their thing.

[retro_chic]

I remember being quite distracted/ envious of my last T's figure. She was about the same height as me but noticeably thinner. I always felt like a lump compared to her.

Originally Posted by Jersey01

I totally get this. My T is very stylish. She looks like an older version of Angelina Jolie. And while I 100% am sure I am straight..sometimes I just can't ignore her beauty and style. And yes, it can get distracting at times. But..I'm not gonna comment on it to her. Maybe thats her way of dealing with the world. To always look her best. Everyone has their thing.

Well if my T looked like that thee is no way I could concentrate. My T is a lot older maybe in her fifties and is not very thin but manages to make the best of her figure.

[stopdog]

I never notice what the therapist is wearing or if she has style or not. It would probably bother me if there were a lot of bangly jewelry things that made noise or looked painful or reflected light at me.

My t is very very laid back. Old sweatshirts, flip flops, and pants or shorts. Makes me feel lots more comfortable around her. If she dressed up it would be really weird.

Old t dressed up all the time, nice expensive clothes and shoes, and i always felt like crap around her.

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My t is very very laid back. Old sweatshirts, flip flops, and pants or shorts. Makes me feel lots more comfortable around her. If she dressed up it would be really weird.

Old t dressed up all the time, nice expensive clothes and shoes, and i always felt like crap around her.

Yeah I can relate to that Starry, i feel the need to dress up when I go see t or else I would be a total stuff. I didn't think that therapists were supposed to flaunt their money ...I know they have to be smart but flaunt no.

Yah... I felt like my ex t flauntd her money. Maybe she wasnt but that was my perception. And there i was, she KNEW how much of a struggle it was for me to pay her outrageous fee every week, she knew i often had to sell stuff around my house to pay her. And there she was always in new clothes and fancy stuff. I resented it...and her.
New t CLEARLY doesnt make much money (she doesnt charge me much, either) and she doesnt spend money on herself, either. I know for a fact that when she wants something, she has to save up money for a while. Just like i do. That makes me feel more comfortable. Levels the playing field. And yah, i dont dress up around her either. With old t, i used to think about what i was going to wear that day-- did i look good enough to see her? Geesh. Not so with this t.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by button30

My T is very glamorous. I don't know why this distracts me so much but ut does. She like high heels, pearl necklaces, lots of pink and leopard skin dresses with knee high boots. Her jewellery is very classy and most of the time I just sit there looking at her clothes. I find them very distracting, am I being too fussy or would it annoy anyone else?

It really doesn't matter if you are being fussy.
It really doesn't matter if it would annoy anyone else.

You find it distracting, and that's a good enough reason to bring it up with T.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

Yah... I felt like my ex t flauntd her money.

My T lives in a big house in a nice neighbourhood, but she doesn't seem to spend her money on herself. Her clothes and jewellery don't look expensive, and her mouth is full of mercury fillings.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by button30

My T is very glamorous. I don't know why this distracts me so much but ut does. She like high heels, pearl necklaces, lots of pink and leopard skin dresses with knee high boots. Her jewellery is very classy and most of the time I just sit there looking at her clothes. I find them very distracting, am I being too fussy or would it annoy anyone else?

You like what you like (and she likes what she likes) and you feel what you feel.

Now, would this annoy me? Yes. I would like to think it doesn't matter, but it does. My T dresses in high style also. She always has, and in addition, during the time I've been seeing her she lost a lot of weight and is now thin. I think part of the annoyance is the separateness - she is she and I am me - and another part is that, for me, it increases the gap between us because the disparity is accentuated. As I write this, I also think that is creates more disparity because when the style of dress is something that stands out so much, I think it can be such a distraction in therapy.

I feel other things about her dress style too: that it reflects that she continues to be engaged and interested in the present, including fashion; that she feels free to be who she wants to be; that she has no expectation of me turning into a more feminine looking woman, unless that is something that I would want for myself.

Sometimes I laugh to myself about her clothing choices. Like when she wears a skirt or dress that she has to keep adjusting, pulling the hem down toward her knees - that would drive me so nuts that the dress or skirt would end up in the "I'm never wearing that again pile

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

It really doesn't matter if you are being fussy.
It really doesn't matter if it would annoy anyone else.

You find it distracting, and that's a good enough reason to bring it up with T.

I don't understand.

Why should button bring this up with the therapist? Do you think the therapist should alter her style to suit button's comfort level?

My therapist dresses very nicely. I notice it, but it's not distracting. I hope that I can dress that nicely one day.

Originally Posted by autotelica

I don't understand.

Why should button bring this up with the therapist? Do you think the therapist should alter her style to suit button's comfort level?

I would hope not. I think that's would be asking too much. This is one of those things perhaps she may want to bring up because is distracts her, but it is HER issue, not her T's, so button is going to have to deal with it I would think. Sometimes we just have to learn to deal.

I doubt button expects her to change her style though. It sounds like she just wants to figure out how to get past this.

Originally Posted by autotelica

I don't understand.

Why should button bring this up with the therapist? Do you think the therapist should alter her style to suit button's comfort level?

My therapist dresses very nicely. I notice it, but it's not distracting. I hope that I can dress that nicely one day.

I personally won't bring it up with my therapist as she is entitled to wear what she likes and I like the way she dresses only it is very distracting for me. But I don't think my T should have to change her style for anyone.

Originally Posted by ECHOES

You like what you like (and she likes what she likes) and you feel what you feel.

Now, would this annoy me? Yes. I would like to think it doesn't matter, but it does. My T dresses in high style also. She always has, and in addition, during the time I've been seeing her she lost a lot of weight and is now thin. I think part of the annoyance is the separateness - she is she and I am me - and another part is that, for me, it increases the gap between us because the disparity is accentuated. As I write this, I also think that is creates more disparity because when the style of dress is something that stands out so much, I think it can be such a distraction in therapy.

I feel other things about her dress style too: that it reflects that she continues to be engaged and interested in the present, including fashion; that she feels free to be who she wants to be; that she has no expectation of me turning into a more feminine looking woman, unless that is something that I would want for myself.

Sometimes I laugh to myself about her clothing choices. Like when she wears a skirt or dress that she has to keep adjusting, pulling the hem down toward her knees - that would drive me so nuts that the dress or skirt would end up in the "I'm never wearing that again pile

Exactly Echoes,
And I like the fact that she looks after herself and takes care of herself and makes an effort for her clients.
MY therapist is the exact same, always adjusting her skirts- pulling them down and pulling her jumpers up...its quite funny really as I would definitely throw them into my never again wearing them pile. They are only human too.

[Asiablue]

I like my T's dress style, she wears professional, age appropriate clothing and always looks lovely. She's 20+ years older than me so our styles are totally different, so i'm comfortable in how she dresses. However if i saw a T same age as me and who dressed super cool i'd probably feel inferior, i'd be distracted with thoughts of not feeling good enough.

[feralkittymom]

I can't help but notice all the replies are about female Ts. I wonder if thoughts would be similar for male Ts? I just wonder if it's like with politicians, that women are always scrutinized in a way that men aren't?

My male T always wore a jacket or sweater, sometimes a tie with jacket, and occasionally a full suit--I always knew that those were days when he had committee meetings or court appearances. This was in his University job.

In his private practice, he always wore a shirt or sweater, depending upon the season. Never a tie or jacket. And always chinos, etc--no jeans.

Always seemed appropriate to me either way.

I have only really worked with male T's long-term. In fact, they've all been middle-aged, male T's who dressed pretty conservatively (basic male business work clothes). I hardly pay any attention to their style of clothing because, quite frankly, they don't have much style. Always professional and appropriate though.

[likelife]

I like the days when my T wears jeans the best. I seem to feel the most comfortable around her then. It's not that she is super dressy on other days, but I just like the casual look better.

Though I have to admit, I was thrown by her decision to wear what are basically mom jeans tucked into knee-high boots. Took me a little while to get used to that look

[murray]

My male T wears dockers and a nice sweater or polo shirt depending upon the temperature. Usually the colors not too bold or aggressive. One time I saw him for something on his day off, outside of the office, and he was wearing jeans, a bolder shirt and mirrored sun glasses. Totally freaked me out. He seemed so much more aggressively male, not the softer safer T in the warm sweaters. So funny how something as simple as clothing choices can make such a difference in how we perceive another.

[Dreamy01]

I don't think I could see a T who was stylish. I don't mean to sound picky but it would make me more self conscious than I already am. I couldn't talk about issues with my appearance with a T who looked like a super model.

My T is middle aged and dresses smart but casual. I'm totally happy with that.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I can't help but notice all the replies are about female Ts. I wonder if thoughts would be similar for male Ts? I just wonder if it's like with politicians, that women are always scrutinized in a way that men aren't?

I have never been to a male T but if I did go to one and he was someone who I would consider "attractive" I would have the same feelings. For me, it is not really about how the T dresses but more just their natural appearance (their figure, face etc.) If I think someone is more attractive than me, I feel insecure. Pathetic but true.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by autotelica

I don't understand.

Why should button bring this up with the therapist? Do you think the therapist should alter her style to suit button's comfort level?

No, but T might help her to "unpack" her feelings. It might be a clue that leads to something bigger.

You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the
Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the
parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
-- Sherlock Holmes

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I can't help but notice all the replies are about female Ts. I wonder if thoughts would be similar for male Ts? I just wonder if it's like with politicians, that women are always scrutinized in a way that men aren't?

That's a good point.

[Sunne]

T dresses well. He wears button down shirts, nice slacks, plain shoes. Nothing flashy. I think I would find that distracting. He's too good looking so it's hard to not think whatever he wears doesn't look good.

He does have a cool vintage hat. English looking.