T refers to gay/lesbians as your kind

This would completely piss me off. .

I don't know where you live, but in NYC, if a T referred to LGBT people as "your kind," that therapist would be out of business or have a very diminished clientele. It is not OK and you need to talk to her about it; she seems very ignorant.

I thought we got past this usage when h ross Perot referred to a particular segment of the population as "you people".

It bothers you. Say so. It is really rude and unfriendly and offensive, to me.
I would have to tell her so. I'm really surprised she would be so unaware of how the words she's using are generalizing. What kind? I might ask innocently. Brunettes? People who like oranges? People in therapy? People with pets?

.. you get the picture

(People with offensive therapists?)

That'd be so funny- perfect reply. Now I kind of wish my T'd say ppl of my kind.

Well thanks guys you are certainly giving me something to laugh about I am not the best at telling t personal things; although she always says that we can talk about anything in therapy and that it will be nothing she hasn't heard before.
I mean T knows how uincomfortable I am being a lesbian so her comment about our kind is making me feel even worse about it because people think of us as being different.

Most people can understand why "you people" irks. It's very Archie Bunkeresque.

So maybe you can tell her that "your kind" belongs in the same pile of you-know-what as "you people." If she doesn't see your point and apologize right away, something is wrong with her.

Thats very true, I mean how would she like it if I was to say all of you people ( as in T's) are crazier than their clients. That statement would be highly offensive. I don't want to damage our relationship as she is so good to me in other ways. She has offered me appt on her days off and everything. She always goes over time and gives the besat hugs

One lesson we can all take from this is that not everyone who says something offensive is trying to put you down.

You certainly have a right to point it out, though.

Exactly, I genuinely think she doesn't intend for it to be offensive and has asked me before if I call myself gay or lesbian and I said call me button

Ha! Yeah, the DSM "Therapist Edition" 2013. I'd pay for a peek at that. Ha! You're funny, Live For!

-Fleeing

I would be offended.

I don't think you need to wait for it to come up again. You could just say, "I was thinking and something was bothering me..."

It would be hard for me to work with someone so ignorant of a group that I belonged to. Does this concern you?

Best,
EJ

It does concern me but I know a lot of older people are accepting of the gay community and of anyone who is different in general. So i know it is not t s fault is a problem with society in general.

I don't know where you live (not USA?), but in the US, this just isn't true. I've noticed that you keep referring to "older" people, meaning those in their 50's. I'm in that age group, and I don't know anyone who has the attitudes or speech of your T.

I know plenty of people like button's therapist. I don't think they intend to be offensive or say inappropriate things. It's just that they've never had anyone tell them their words are hurtful and that they should be more thoughtful.

My father used to be a lot more vocal with his anti-Semitism. It used to make me seethe inside when his slip would show, but I (and my other siblings) was too scared to say anything. Finally, one day he directed his ignorance towards me and I started crying--which I haven't done since I've been an adult. Through tears I told him how hurtful his words were. He totally freaked out, but in a good way. He not only apologized then but the next day too. My father had to really humble himself to do this. He has kept his pig-ignorance to himself since that day.

My own therapist is a loving person but I have caught her saying stupid stuff too. I can see her saying "your kind" and worse. Not that it matters much, but she is also "older".

I think it is compassionate that you are able to see your therapist in a forgiving light, button. Let's hope she appreciates it too!

Awh Auto, that must have really hurt you. Parents sometimes don't realise how much they actually hurt with their words but at least your dad ate humble pie which is something most men would find so hard to do.
Age doesn't matter here, i have heard young people be more ignorant. Its just the society we were raised. My country is catholic and being gay is a sin here. Its like America and its gun laws different countries different cultures.

Does your therapist consider homosexuality a sin?

I have never directly asked as I would be afraid of the answer.
She has never treated me any different or made me feel uncomfortable about it. I think she just hasn't been exposed to it or doesn't know anyone who is gay

I think it would benefit you greatly to ask. It sounds like something that begs to be known.

Important.

And for the record, if she does, she needs to go into a different profession.

I think this is the real issue, whether it is objectively offensive to gay folks as a whole is less important. From the context you describe, it doesn't seem to have an edge in the way I have heard some say "those people".

But it makes a lot of sense to me that the impact of her saying this would be to create a chasm between her and you, which probably isn't productive for your therapy and probably isn't what she intends.

Maybe she should practice saying words like, lesbian, homosexual, gay etc. to get comfortable with them. That's what my T had me do when it came to talking about Sex. I can see her using you as a tool to learn and I don't even think that's a bad thing. However, she needs to remain non judgmental and open minded and allow you to determine your sexuality without her input... and that seems like it will be a challenge for her.

Amen to that. I am in that age group too and all the folks I know my own age do not have attitudes like your T's. This has nothing to do with your T's age.

I disagree. This is your T's problem; I don't believe that she is not to blame because there is prejudice of society toward gays. That does not make it OK, and she can choose to have accepting and respectful views or not. I hope you will give her a chance to learn ("have her consciousness raised" as we used to say in the olden days) by bringing her behavior to her attention.

Sometimes shouting at T is exactly what you need to do.
It makes the relationship stronger in the long run.
T once said to me, "I welcome your anger."

I remember someone complaining that T didn't understand her (lesbian) culture, and then saying that she wasn't going to waste her time explaining it.

I felt that the real waste was to throw away the opportunity to reach a better understanding.

PS:

Just because your T doesn't know what (for example) a "pillow princess" is, it doesn't mean she's anti-gay. It just means she doesn't move in those circles.

She probably has never really used them before so she is not used to saying those words and is probably worried about offending me so she THINKS that saying your kind is probably less offensive.
I agree totally Lola about letting ME determine my sexuality without her input. I do apprecaite her input though and have found it useful most of the time but not regarding my sexuality. She has suggested I have a baby and I try sleeping with men just to make sure. I told her the thought made me want to vomit, so I gguess there is my answer. I am gay but I am afraid of women awhhhh, why does everything have to be so complicated.

I am gay and don't know what a pillow princess is.