What when therapy becomes only about the therapist?

yet, it's only a taster because it will be taken away from me again. How is that ethical or helpful for anyone??

But it isn't taken away: you choose to give it up, at least in its intensity, when it's done its job, and you are ready. Actually, you don't even have to give it up for the feelings to fade of their own. Yes, there may be a loss, but it's a natural loss, and it takes its place in your life along with other losses. And there is learning in that experience, too.

I think it's natural that you can't see this because you are in the middle of it, both in time and emotionally. Your T sounds like a good one who will support you in working through this.

If you didn't have a satisfactory relationship with your mother, then you are already carrying a loss. The transference gives you the opportunity to heal that loss. You're assuming that when the time comes to leave therapy that you will be the same person emotionally as you are now, but that's a faulty assumption.

The process takes guts and a willingness to trust in your T's support enough to risk new feelings. But it can also result in great gains.

Transference is so complicated because it is a mixture of past and present, of wishes and needs and real things too, of joy and hope and also loss. In a way, all relationships have that potential mixture, but it is often more intense in therapy. That's why therapy is set off from other kinds of relationships. It is set up to be a "container" for sometimes very intense and early reactions. The safety and trust that go into building the relationship in the first place allow these emotions to surface in ways that they wouldn't with others. And that also means it's a safe place to explore them. For many types of therapies, this is the main way to work. It is in a sense all about the "therapist" if by that we mean the relationship. Right now the "therapist" is pulling on some mixed emotions of longing for a maternal figure which also has fear and pain attached. That's a rich area to have come up and be able to work through.

I don't agree with this at all. Without transference there can be no therapy.

Those who are "sucked in" to the process are those who grow fastest, in my opinion.

Over time you learn that it isn't about your T, it's all inside of you. It's not the T that has something that you need, it's something that you already have inside of you that your T is trying to connect you with and show you.

We grieve the loss but T teaches us how to grieve, how to accept our pain so we do not suffer, and how to heal.

I cannot allow myself to worry about the end because the end is not important right now, and now is all we have.

When the end comes we will be different. We will have different skill sets, different feelings towards our T and our self. We will learn through the attachment how to carry T with us. How to hold on to it. T's can have the one of the strongest relationships we have had. But it has to end. This is what makes it so special.

If your therapist is good and competent (which it sounds like they are)... It'll be okay. I do think people come out of it okay and even better in the end. You are not there yet, which is totally okay. Right now if it was to end, yes that would not be helpful. But that isn't happening yet. Keep with the journey and trust in your T.

Yes, you are probably right. That was a sweeping statement by me in the middle of my rant I was just trying to say that I wasn't against therapy as such or saying it was all bad.

Thanks for this Sunne. This was a really helpful post and has given me more to think about and actually given me a bit of hope that this can turn out okay. Thank you.