[haier]

I'm having some issues with therapy. I really like my therapist. i started therapy 8 mo ago and it's the first time ever I've been in therapy. I have talked about a lot of things i would never have thought i would talk about. My therapist is really nice. I have had some conflicts with her but thankfully have been able to work it out.
Lately I've just been feeling really paranoid. I have no reason to not trust her but i can't stop. First she offered a different day and time for me, which is good. I was seeing her in the afternoons and i didn't like it. She switched my appointment to another day and early in the morning. Which i prefer. But i just don't know, first of all the day she gave me, i always thought she was off that day. Then the office I'm used to seeing her in, she said we're not meeting there anymore. The office I see her in now is nice because it has a window but i don't like it cause it's hidden, you have to go in a hallway, around a corner. I also don't like the inside. I fee like I'm trapped, like a caged animal. I have a lot of anxiety. Inside, i am scared. The desk is right by the door on the left side and there's a small bookcase on the right. So her chair sits directly in the way of the door. This bothers me. The other office had that space clear...i would sit directly in front of the door, with the way clear. I have no reason to not trust my T. But i've noticed i do have more anxiety now and i feel really uncomfortable. I can't help but wonder what she's up to. I wonder if she's trying to trap me. Or if she's just planning something and she's making sure i can't get out. I feel bad for doubting her but i can't stop thinking. I don't even know how to get out of there without her telling me which way to the exit and it bothers me. I feel like crying and my heart is beating so fast and all i want to do is get out fast. She asks me last session if i was ok, said i looked more anxious than usual and i couldn't be honest. My face felt hot and my skin was tingling...i felt very scared. I hate that i feel this way, i shouldn't be feeling this and it bothers me. I already feel like I'm complicated and I'm just scared she'll get frustrated with me like, "what now!" I don't know if i should tell her at my next session or just keep this to myself. But it's making me really want to cancel. I missed 2 mo. of therapy over another issue and have had 3 sessions since then. So we're just getting back on track and i don't want her to get irritated by my stupid issues. I don't know how to deal with this.

[Melody_Bells]

Haier, You sound very scared and uncomfortable in her new office. You feel anxious there, like you cannot exit easily, your heart is beating....These are your honest feelings, very valid, and not stupid at all.

Your T would probably be glad to hear how you are truly feeling. You are helping her getting to know you better, so that she is more able to help you.

You are not complicated, you are interesting and a nice person to know. It's wonderful that you are aware of how you feel, when you feel ready you may want to share this with your T!

[Perna]

Originally Posted by haier

I. . .wonder. . .I wonder. . .Or if. . .

You have to check out your thoughts, see if they are correct or not; everything else is just imagination spinning its wheels in your head. Tell her how you feel about the new location; she may not like it either! You can be anxious that she is trying to trap you or you can know and deal with it; I'd rather have a distinct problem to deal with than forever be anxious, wondering? Allow yourself your curiosity; follow it and find out.

[growlycat]

She may make office furniture changes if she knows how much this affects you.

I have a similar fear of being trapped in small places (nightclub fires etc.) and cbt guy and I meet in a teeny office. On my second appt with him, after telling him this we left the office and went for a walk---he interpreted what I said to mean his office. I didn't realize that his space was having that effect on me, but after that walk, the space didn't seem scary anymore.

So yes, telling her will help her find strategies to improve the situation

[haier]

Thank you, i think i will try and talk about this next session, hopefully she won't get irritated..hopefully she won't think this girl is really nuts....

[Perna]

I don't think she'll get irritated or think you are nuts. It is kind of interesting if you think about it objectively; I mean all these designers, etc. getting paid to tell people what color to paint their walls, etc.; how we interact and feel about our environment is important. I remember when we moved our office and there were 2-3 people who quit because they couldn't take the change? Same people and work, etc. but change of environment. It has been scientifically studied! For all you know, your T has lost some clients because of the move because they weren't able to articulate their discomfort and couldn't deal with it. You could help make it better for everyone, be a real heroine

[Willowleaf]

I went through a similar thing although her room didn't change but part way in I suddenly decided I always needed to be closer to the door than her to feel safe. Luckily I was able to tell her this and she was always careful to make sure I was. It lasted for over a year before I could change and I have body psychotherapy which means we sometimes move round in the session. Poor woman but she could see that I got really anxious so now she just asks me where I want her to be and if she moves without asking even now I notice she never goes between me and the door.
I hope you are able to talk about it and that she is able to move things round for you. I can so understand the anxiety and I had to talk about it and work through it for ages, but it did improve so hang on in there.

[haier]

Thank you so much, the more i read about your experiences and thoughts, the better i feel. Thank you for listening and offering support and feedback.