[Raging Quiet]

For months and months my T keeps saying Rectopathic, you are angry to me in my sessions. This then just makes me angry at her. She's got me throwing cushions etc but I don't feel angry at other people.

I am not a violent person and I've forgiven all the abusers etc; but she just won't let it rest.

I don't know how many more times I can pursuade her I'm NOT angry anymore. I keep telling her but she doesn't believe me.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

[feralkittymom]

Well, I don't know what your issues are in therapy, but you say you've forgiven your abusers: maybe your T sees buried anger playing out through other issues and thinks the forgiving was premature?

[unaluna]

I got the "you are angry" from my therapists and even got fired from my career because of it. But it doesn't seem to be a focal point of my therapy. Like someone else said this evening, I used to confuse anger and disappointment. Also, my anger seems too big to tap into for just petty things - so don't make me?!

[Perna]

I found that when my T (and now, others) see something in me, that's what they see and it is a good idea to stop and look and try to see things from their eyes. They have no reason to make stuff up (and if they didn't see it they'd have to make stuff up from thin air). If you are getting angry at her because she is saying these things (instead of being puzzled or not caring because it does not fit) and throwing pillows at her, I'd look again to try and see what she is seeing. No one else can make you angry, how we feel always comes from inside, not outside.

Next time she brings it up, act surprised and say, "Really? What do you see?" and see what happens.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

For months and months my T keeps saying Rectopathic, you are angry to me in my sessions. This then just makes me angry at her. She's got me throwing cushions etc but I don't feel angry at other people.

I am not a violent person and I've forgiven all the abusers etc; but she just won't let it rest.

I don't know how many more times I can pursuade her I'm NOT angry anymore. I keep telling her but she doesn't believe me.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Yes. It happened to me. My therapist kept telling me I shouldn't respond a certain way, and I thought I was doing fine. I liked what I was doing. Not that I had finally made it, but that my current response was significant progress than my prior response, and I was willing to give myself time to learn and observe and develop, and support and compassion for dealing with the hurt.

I came to see it didn't matter if what she was saying was true or not. We could only work with me where I was right now, and if I was making progress, than that was good enough for me.

I don't think therapy is so the therapist can teach us what we need to know to improve. I think therapy is to have a safe place and facfilitiation to grow at our own pace, in our own way, following the path that presents to the client. Arguing about whether I should be feeling something different, and doing something different was a waste of my time and money (well, not a total waste. there's always something to learn. I don't think she would like to know she was the source of some of the learnings I got.).

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

For months and months my T keeps saying Rectopathic, you are angry to me in my sessions. This then just makes me angry at her. She's got me throwing cushions etc but I don't feel angry at other people.

I am not a violent person and I've forgiven all the abusers etc; but she just won't let it rest.

I don't know how many more times I can pursuade her I'm NOT angry anymore. I keep telling her but she doesn't believe me.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

This has happened to me several times in the last few weeks. Two weeks ago my t said that he was finally seeing some anger in me, and I was completely lost. I told him I wasn't aware that I was angry at all. He also said last week that he thought that I was releasing a lot more emotion during the session then I usually do. Once again I was puzzled. To me I felt more distant. I am trying to see why he has such a different view on what I am feeling. There must be a reason, but I just don't get why I let off such a different vibe from what I am feeling.

[SallyBrown]

Perna gives good advice. Would it make it easier for you if T said it differently? Like, "You seem angry to me," or "I think you are reacting this way because you are angry," or "If I were you, I would be really angry," or whatever it is she means by "You are angry," which would annoy me too without more context and/or precision. Sometimes phrasing it more precisely makes all the difference in the world. Do you think she'd be open to taking ownership of the theory/observation, if that would help you examine it without feeling that uncomfortable feeling we all get when someone else tells us how we're feeling?

Have you two talked at why she perceives you as angry? Like your tone of voice, actions, whatever? Has she said what her rationale is for saying youre angry?