[lifelesstraveled]

I went in fully hopeful that T would be supportive in my decision to take a break (after 5 years of continuous therapy with 2 different T). She wasn't at all and tried to convince me to keep going.

My thoughts of "I need a break because it's been 5 years" wasn't good enough for her to warrant the break. The fact that I wanted to take a break from the work we are doing wasn't good enough. She keep pushing me to invite my mother to therapy (who mind you lives 8 hours away!) and I'm not ready for that. My nerves can't handle it. When asked what I would have to lose by inviting her I told her my sanity she looked like she wanted to laugh.

I just felt so misunderstood the entire time.

When she asked about my anxiety level I told her I can' give her a decimal range. It's just always there some days it's a low hum but I can feel it, and other days it really high and i feel zoned out--it flip flops.

What got me was when I explained what my anxiety was about ( for one constantly feeling that at any moment everything I have built for myself will be ripped from me) she asked me to give her EVIDENCE about why I would even think that, otherwise she just cant understand why I would have those thoughts and I guess to her they aren't valid. I sat there and couldn't give her evidence. I don't have the words to fully explain what I mean . So finally I told her "then you just won't understand then, and that's the end of that". Alot of my anxiety is so unexplainable because I've had it for so long. The only way I would describe it is not really feeling like I have a person or place where I feel comfortable (at least that how it felt when I was a kid...now it's harder to explain); always feeling like my world is going to fall apartment; at night when I go to the bathroom I literally feel like someone is right behind me and getting ready to attack me. T always wanted me to give her evidence to support that and I just can't. It just is. I don't have words to give her evidence and even if i had the words she would tell me they were not valid anxieties

When I tell her I can't connect with people, that I feel that there is this huge divider between me and the rest of the world that I just can't seem to get around, she tells me I have to change my thinking. I have to go and be around people. My response to her is that I am around people all the time. I've been with my ex for 7 years and have known his family for the same amount of time and could not connect with them. I don't feel comfortable around them. And that feeling doesn't change from group to group or situation to situation. It's always there and always has been since I was like 8. She doesn't get it. And keeps telling me to change my thought processes. It's hard to change my thought processes when at the very core of me I feel like worthless piece of the smelliest garbage and I don't know why. I don't know why I feel broken. But she thinks its as simple as changing my thoughts. Changing my thoughts won't lift the weight I feel like I've been carrying around my entire life. And she doesn't get it. I feel so awful. She just completely confirmed for me that no one will understand me and why I feel the way I don't. Hell I don't even understand it.

I feel like the new T I saw did understand me and I might go back for another session before my official therapy break just so I can solidify my decision to either restart therapy in a few months or just quit altogether.

I walked out and and didn't even looked back. Sorry--I didn't mean for this to be so long. I just had to get it out my system.

[Syra]

Lifelesstraveled:
What got me was when I explained what my anxiety was about ( for one constantly feeling that at any moment everything I have built for myself will be ripped from me) she asked me to give her EVIDENCE about why I would even think that, otherwise she just cant understand why I would have those thoughts and I guess to her they aren't valid. I sat there and couldn't give her evidence. I don't have the words to fully explain what I mean . So finally I told her "then you just won't understand then, and that's the end of that"....

I love it. I read it and smiled (after wincing as you describe your therapist). I can feel your strength, speaking up for yourself

I walked out and and didn't even looked back. Sorry--I didn't mean for this to be so long. I just had to get it out my system.

I've walked out before. I don't have to be gracious and polite because someone decides to use their role to be unkind to me. I might be willing to talk about it, but if they are saying the time is up, then I get to feel what I feel when the time is up.

[stopdog]

I also walked out and never looked back after a therapist told me I could not stop. It is quite exhilarating I thought.
I am not sure no one can ever understand, but it certainly sounds as though this one did not. I hope you are doing okay.

[BonnieJean]

It sounds like a real mismatch - you and that therapist. I'm glad you left.

[kaliope]

i understand anxiety over "nothing" and not being able to connect to others. I am weird that way as well. but i have come very far with my t in a few years. he doesnt expect me to change, but it has reached the point where he cant help me any more so i have found a new t that can.

sounds like you have a t that is trying to bend you to her beliefs as to how to "fix" anxiety. that just doestn fly. i wouldnt cancle out therapy all together, just find a t who is willing to work from where your at instead of the other way around.

[likelife]

It sounds like maybe this T practices CBT? I found that style of therapy infuriating. If I could change my thoughts, I wouldn't be here in the first place.

I'm sorry that your T really doesn't seem to get it. But it's encouraging that the other one might. Seems like a good idea to follow up with her, as you said you planned to, before bailing completely.

[Shiny Things]

Hi LLT. Maybe T means that your anxiety (fears) are valid, I'm sure she understands you are anxious. However, T might feel "some" of those fears might be irrational. Of course we should always be vigiliant towards attack in public, but maybe not so much in your home.

It must be hard for you, LLT. Nobody likes feeling misunderstood. I know I don't.

You know when a child is scared of the monster in the closet, and if that child is lucky someone will help them look in the closet with a flashlight to see there is no danger there. Maybe T wants you to back up your fears. Maybe

[lifelesstraveled]

Syra -- I was more so at a point of frustration. With this T she always had me running in circles and it was like whatever I said she just didn't seem to understand. So I finally gave up because I just didn't have the right words to help her understand me.

Stopdog--I am OK. I WAS REALLY revved up when I left and whoever was in my path unfortunately got the brunt of it. Now that I am home I am still revved up, but at least no one is around to receive my wrath.

BonnieJean - Yes, after 3 years I've finally realized we are a mismatch. I held on thinking that one day something would click and didn't. It also doesn't help that she is an hours drive away, so I was only able to see her every 2 weeks. I just couldn't click with her.

Kali - I think I am going to make a follow up appointment for another chat with the new T. I don't know if I should tell her about how things ended with my old T. I really don't know what I would discuss with her. I guess I have to think about that. I do want to ask her about her approach to working with me. One thing I would really love to work on is how to identify my feelings because I have a really hard time with and old T didn't really help in that department.

Lifelike - Yes she is CBT oriented for sure. And I guess that method isn't working with/for me and it has become very frustrating. When I talked to my potential new T, she said sometimes just changing your behavior/thoughts isn't enough if you want to feel a deeper change.

ShineyThings - T said that unless I provided her with evidence as to why I have anxiety about certain things then essentially they are not valid fears and she can't understand why I have them--to mean that just means they aren't real. I honestly don't understand these anxieties myself so I can't back them up--they are just there. And its not even anxieties, it's feeling that I'm not good enough and that I'm worthless and broken. How do I change those thoughts? I can't even give her evidence to support those thoughts. I have been carrying them for so long--they didn't just pop up over the last few years. I've had them since childhood. And and at the same time I can't throw them out the window or dismiss them and move on. It's like they are in my DNA or something. IDK I am so confused.

Thanks for all of the feedback everyone! I really appreciate it. I was on the verge of tears all day but kept stopping myself. it was like no matter how hard I tried I could get through to her. I'm glad I finally gave up trying. There was no winning with her.

[Syra]

Syra -- I was more so at a point of frustration. With this T she always had me running in circles and it was like whatever I said she just didn't seem to understand. So I finally gave up because I just didn't have the right words to help her understand me.

I think I get that. I think I wrote what I did, because there is still a part of me that wishes my old T and I could patch things up. We used to argue about what my problem was (she never did that for the first 2-1/2 years and all of a sudden there we were arguing). And then she started focusing on one thing that wasn't my issue, and telling me what I should do, which I didn't agree with. And whatever I said, she didn't understand, or accept. and I couldn't find the right words either. I wish I could have just walked away like you did. I see such strength. I couldn't do it (she eventually walked away from me.) When she invited me back, together with someone who helped her see what she missed about what I should have done or why I did what I did, I did't go back. It was still about her being in power. It took me a lot longer - and I would probably still go back to try and patch things up - but I'm not so sure now. I really admire your conviction and trusting yourself

[ultramar]

Lifelike - Yes she is CBT oriented for sure. And I guess that method isn't working with/for me and it has become very frustrating. When I talked to my potential new T, she said sometimes just changing your behavior/thoughts isn't enough if you want to feel a deeper change.

This. Likelife, I hope you can find a therapist who will work with all of you (not just your outward behavior or thoughts) so that you can have the potential to experience deep change and healing.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by ultramar

Lifelike - Yes she is CBT oriented for sure. And I guess that method isn't working with/for me and it has become very frustrating. When I talked to my potential new T, she said sometimes just changing your behavior/thoughts isn't enough if you want to feel a deeper change.

This. Likelife, I hope you can find a therapist who will work with all of you (not just your outward behavior or thoughts) so that you can have the potential to experience deep change and healing.

Thanks, ultramar. I used to have a CBT T, but thankfully no longer do.