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  #26  
Old Jan 20, 2013, 09:20 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scorpiosis37 View Post
Rainbow-- since you refer to the sexual things you talk to T about as "yucky stuff" and you have difficulty discussing them with her, I'm curious about whether you talk to your H about these things? Is that something you feel comfortable with? If not, do you have the desire to talk to your H about these things? Regardless of whether you feel your H would receptive to these conversations, would YOU like to have those conversations with him? Or is your desire to talk through the "yucky stuff" something you prefer to reserve for therapy? I hope it's alright that I'm throwing these questions at you-- only answer if you feel comfortable.
It's interesting that I told my H about last week's session. Usually I don't, or if I do, he doesn't pay much attention. But, in my session, I wrote the curse words that he used to say, and still sometimes uses, on my paper, in addition to the appropriate terminology. So, I told him the words I wrote down, and about one of the pictures. Basically, I told him what I did in therapy and he listened. I wasn't embarrassed talking to him. He didn't validate me or give me any reassurance though. I think he thinks it's just plain silly. He doesn't have a problem with saying those words.

I want to talk with my T because she can validate me and help me to accept myself. My H can't or won't do that.

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  #27  
Old Nov 25, 2013, 04:51 PM
Anonymous33455
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yes,i do feel embarrassed a lot , but mine is a little different.it's not about revealing sth private,but my embarrassment is because i get to feel how vain,useless,illogical,dull and stupid i am . My T has never said a single word that i could guess what she thinks of me is positive or negative.but i just feel deeply that she must be feeling this way about me coz it's true.
  #28  
Old Nov 25, 2013, 05:04 PM
Anonymous33455
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yes,i do feel embarrassed a lot , but mine is a little different.it's not about revealing sth private,but my embarrassment is because i get to feel how vain,useless,illogical,dull and stupid i am . My T has never said a single word that i could guess what she thinks of me is positive or negative.but i just feel deeply that she must be feeling this way about me coz it's true.
  #29  
Old Nov 25, 2013, 05:55 PM
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Petra5ed Petra5ed is offline
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I feel embarrassed all the time, over pretty much every productive thing I say therapy. It's part of my personality to avoid emotional topics. I grew up in a house where things like psychology, whatever feel good stuff was considered ridiculous and a waste of time. I feel pathetic and ashamed to have any needs at all, and also feel very needy hence the embarrassment I guess. It's usually the important honest things I say that embarrass me, so I think you should take pride in whatever you said. The way I deal with it is I've decided I'm a bad@$$ to take risks to say the honest stuff, and a also because I really want to be real in therapy (I'm paying for confidentiality, so why not?). So I celebrate my embarrassment, I think it's growth. Also, I assume therapists are used to hearing embarrassing stuff. I'd rather be "that" weird awkward person, than be the person that talks to their therapist about abusing their kids and animals.
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  #30  
Old Nov 25, 2013, 07:07 PM
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IndestructibleGirl IndestructibleGirl is offline
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Yah. I don't really "do" embarrassment in real life (I'm very brazen, an exhibitionist, nothing fazes me, I find consensual humiliation really erotic and pleasurable, can't actually remember the last time I felt embarrassment anywhere apart from therapy, etc) but in the quiet still corners of my mind embarrassment/ shame is my default setting.

Therapy feels like I'm basically admitting to her and myself over and over how subhuman and worthless and warped I am, when I'm normally always working my arse off to convince myself and the rest of the world that I'm an ordinary valid human being. I feel embarrassed at how woefully substandard I am as a person, embarrassed that I mean nothing significant to anyone anymore, embarrassed that someone like me naively and tentatively thinks maybe my needs are valid. I feel embarrassed that I exist.

Yeah, I hate when I go to that place.
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  #31  
Old Nov 25, 2013, 09:49 PM
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Freewilled Freewilled is offline
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Yes - I feel embarrassed during and after my session quite often. Especially afterwards, it's seems like I'll be proud of myself for sharing something or maybe even feel relieved and decent for a moment....but that never lasts. I replay the session in my mind and feel ashamed of myself. How can I be so incredibly needy and honest about how horrible I am? That's what I think....then I feel ashamed and put my walls up around myself, vowing not to be so ridiculous next session.

I know, it probably makes no sense. I really do try to tell myself it's ok and that is what therapy is for but I'm ashamed I even go there so.....
Thanks for this!
Yogix
  #32  
Old Nov 25, 2013, 09:52 PM
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growlycat growlycat is offline
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Today was embarrassing but only now in retrospect. At the time, I wanted his understanding and help so much I didn't care if what I was saying was tmi.

I had a baaad case of food poisoning over the weekend and this morning I had barely recovered. I had sharp sharp upper GI pains and I asked half jokingly if he had any breathing exercises for managing pain. Of course he does!!

So he had me close my eyes and he walked me through some breathing and visualization that actually helped take the sharpest edges off of my pain. He was so kind about it , it was a very caring experience. I didn't care if he knew I was bloated and sick.

NOW that I'm feeling better, I'm surprised at how much I shared. But not sorry.
  #33  
Old Nov 26, 2013, 11:07 AM
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scorpiosis37 scorpiosis37 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
. I trust her but I still feel embarrassed, or maybe ashamed. I think others have said sometimes they feel this way too. So what do you do about it? I guess I should tell her at my next session how I feel so she can reassure me again.
I think part of the problem is that you are constantly asking her to reassure you rather than reassuring yourself. You already KNOW that it's not TMI for T. The issue is how YOU feel about what you are sharing; your shame and your embarasment. You are the only one who can work through those feelings and learn to accept yourself. By waiting for T's reassurance, you aren't doing the work of beginning to accept and reassure yourself. However, no amount of external reassurance can change how you feel inside. Only you can do that.
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pbutton, rainbow8
  #34  
Old Nov 26, 2013, 11:16 AM
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sunrise sunrise is offline
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I sometimes feel embarrassed before the session. Like if I am needy or depressed, I feel embarrassed by it. It can keep me from going to therapy. Like right now, I am in a down in the dumps phase and am not going to therapy. I feel too embarrassed about being depressed to go. I don't want T to see that. If I did go, I might try to hide it, and I can't stand being inauthentic in session, so the solution is not to go.
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  #35  
Old Nov 26, 2013, 11:19 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scorpiosis37 View Post
I think part of the problem is that you are constantly asking her to reassure you rather than reassuring yourself. You already KNOW that it's not TMI for T. The issue is how YOU feel about what you are sharing; your shame and your embarasment. You are the only one who can work through those feelings and learn to accept yourself. By waiting for T's reassurance, you aren't doing the work of beginning to accept and reassure yourself. However, no amount of external reassurance can change how you feel inside. Only you can do that.
I just want to point out that I started this thread in January, not recently. I think I'm in a better place now--at least I'm telling myself that the "unburdening exercise" worked. T also said last week that the shame is telling me something--that maybe some intimate details should NOT be shared with her. What you wrote is definitely still relevant, though. I need to rely on myself and not T. My first T never gave me that reassurance that nothing was TMI, and I could have used it back then--like 30 years ago! Thank you for responding, scorpiosis.
  #36  
Old Nov 26, 2013, 12:05 PM
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purplemystery purplemystery is offline
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I do feel embarrassed sometimes. I think there will be some things that I will never be able to say because of that, actually. But they're things I don't need to talk about anyway. I find that most of the time I get embarrassed if my T doesn't sufficiently comment on her reactions and opinions to what I've said. Not that my T did anything wrong, but if she doesn't cover all the bases and reassure me about everything, I may potentially start thinking too much about it. But perhaps I need to learn to not need the reassurance.
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  #37  
Old Nov 30, 2013, 01:54 PM
Anonymous100114
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I feel embarrassed after my session especially after last week-I feel ashamed going back this week.
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