[BooRadley]

I had a very good counselor who i saw as needed, but he has left the country.
My older sister thinks i need another one. she says i sound like i am taking on the cares of the world. what with the situation with my brother. Well--duh--there is no one else to take care of him!!!

Finding a good counselor is really hard for me because of my IQ i can run circles around most of them. My other counselor, Rick, was a wonderful Gestalt, buddhist guy, and there is no one else like him. I trusted him completely.

sad,

Boo radley

[pegasus]

Hi! BooRadley,

The question is- Do YOU want, or think you need therapy?

Sounds like you enjoyed your last therapist and would have carried on with him if you could.

There are other good therapists out there, there has to be one out there that would be able to challenge you and help you work through what you think you need to.

I hope you manage to find one that you are comfortable with.

Take care.

[ErinBear]

Hi Boo,

I agree with Pegasus. I think the choice of seeing a counselor (or not) is up to you. When did your last counselor move away? It sounds like you may still be missing him. My counselor recently moved away, too, and I know that can be a difficult experience, especially when it was a good counseling relationship (mine was as well).

If you decide somehow that you would like to resume counseling, I think it is very possible to find another counselor with whom you'll make a good connection. It will be a different sort of a connection than you had with the last counselor, of course, because it will be a different person. But it can still be a good connection. You may also have to try a few different counselors until you find one who seems to be a good fit, but I am sure there is another counselor out there with whom you can work if you would like to do so again. I know it is very difficult to contemplate starting a new counseling relationship. I'm in that position as well right now as I search for a new counselor. I try to keep my mind and heart open when I meet the new counselors and see what comes of it. If I could make such a good connection with my last counselor, reason tells me it is possible to make another good connection again, and I know there are other good people out there. There are lots of folks here who write of good experiences with their counselors. So those good counselors exist, and it's just a matter of locating them!

I don't know if this helps at all. You may not even wish to see a counselor. But if you do wish to try, I think it is very possible to find another counselor with whom you can work.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best,
ErinBear

[JustBen]

I think you need to take care of yourself, especially since you're taking care of your brother. How do you "run circles" around counselors? I'm a litte confused as to what IQ has to do with anything here.

[BooRadley]

well i have an MA in counseling and being like i am, i just outthink people. it's hard to describe, but it defintely happens, to my sometimes detriment.

BR

[JustBen]

I think I understand where you're coming from, BR. Could it be that you're intellectualizing? When you say that you "outthink" someone, I can't help but wonder whether you use that as a way of dismissing what they're saying to you?

hey. i think i hear where you are coming from, it can be fairly hard for some people (myself included) to find a therapist that you click with and can engage with.

i also have sympathy for justben's point, however. i mean... therapy is supposed to be about helping you improve upon problematic aspects of your life. the idea isn't for a t to force you to get better by outsmarting you. the idea is more that you should use your intelligence or whatever to work with the t so that both of you can figure out ways for you to better achieve what it is that you want.

er... do you want to see a therapist, or are you only considering it because of what your older sister has said?

[LMo]

I don't know if this is a similar situation, but when I first started going to therapy many years ago, I also felt that I could "outthink" my therapist if I wasn't in the mood to get too intense.

However, my T explained something to me that really took me by surprise. He explained that I had an enormous disconnect between my intellect and my feelings. He had noticed that I intellectualized every event or relationship I described, but my descriptions of my "feelings" were very clinical and impersonal. I had thought I was pretty darn clever for getting clinical on him, but turns out it was only emphasizing the gap.

Not to mention that outthinking my T was a waste of my own money...

I also have a much-above-average IQ, but I've learned that it means very little when it comes to my OWN therapy. It is important that everyone have the T that is right for them, but rather than focus on someone who has the same level of intellect, it's probably better to find someone who has a higher level of something that you're missing, to help you complete the puzzle.

[JustBen]

I really liked both of your posts, K and LMo. That bit about finding someone who has a "higher level of something you're missing" is a great bit of advice, I think. I wish I would've heard it a few years ago.

[(JD)]

People with high IQs do tend to "outthink" everyone. It is unfortunate that we allow ourselves to do that even with those who wish to help us, and who are qualified to help us.

What I've found is that "outthinking" my T is a form of resistance. Everyone gives resistance through countering something their T might say, those with higher thought processes just give more of it...ending with the same result: "winning" the discussion. Winning the discussion often ends with the same result: we haven't learned anything from the T.

Therapy is work. Our work is different at times, because it includes stopping ourselves from doing this. We can run circles around the average person. So what? The basics of good therapy remains the same.

I hope you can begin to trust someone who wants to help you. Rather than giving countering ideas or explanations or of thinking of everything -every scenario- that could be involved... limit yourself to theirs. It can work. TC!

um... how do you guys mean 'a higher level of something you are missing'?

i'm not really sure what you mean... some of my t's have been really very lovely people. friendly and gentle. i am more irritable and i can sometimes come across as hostile though i don't mean to be. i guess they taught me something... in the sense of modelling kindness and stuff...

but... i still think the t who helped me the most was able to engage with me... and also modelled kindness and compassion.

i don't know. fit can be hard.

i guess i can't just accept t's interpretations without really thinking about them. sometimes i extend them and realise that it applies to me more generally than i had thought. sometimes i don't accept them because they don't really feel right. i'm willing to talk them through and sometimes i come around... but sometimes i don't.

i mean... it is my life. t can help... but t doesn't know everything... i guess i think of therapy as t trying to help me make sense of my life.

i don'tknow.

[JustBen]

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special_k said:um... how do you guys mean 'a higher level of something you are missing'?

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Like, for example, if you're a very intelligent person but maybe a little out of touch with your feelings, you might consider finding a therapist who is very in touch with feelings and not worry about his or her level of intelligence.

ah. i see what you mean. i guess i kind of got that with the t's who were really nice and gentle and compassionate and stuff... i have very intense emotions that scare the hell out of me sometimes... i find that the nice, gentle, compassionate people sometimes struggle with the more intense / negative emotions that i have... i think balance is important. i guess i'm trying to find the balance... thanks for explaining what you meant more.