[whatawhat]

My T and I have talked about how I avoid talking about the deeper issues of my life. Today was one of those days. I just could not bring myself to say what was on my heart and mind. If I did, I'd be crying hysterically, gasping for air, coughing, and leaving with pink puffy eyes. I haven't told her but I'm scared to cry uncontrollably. I'm scared to let go and totally feel in the presence of someone else. I've never cried that hard in front of anyone and I'm SO scared although it is so needed. I'm also so scared of my tears because I'm scared I'll stay sad and that's not a good place for me. She's so nice and I want her to know that I'm trying but I'm scared. What do I do? I have 7 days until I see her unless there's an emergency which I don't want.

[ECHOES]

It's okay whatawhat. She's not demanding that you do this now. It sounds like you are hard on yourself about how difficult this is. Did you talk with your T about your fear of crying? Let her know so she can help you with that. It might or it might not happen that way.

It's okay to be scared and to tell her about being scared - that is the first step toward talking, and this IS a deep issue with you and is impacting you right now.

I sometimes feel like I'm not talking about things that are deep, and when I talk about that with my T, she assures me that we are and tells me why it is deep. It's very encouraging.

Keep saying to T whatever comes to mind, even "I'm feeling scared right now".
Let her help you with it. That's what she is there for

[whatawhat]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

It's okay whatawhat. She's not demanding that you do this now. It sounds like you are hard on yourself about how difficult this is. Did you talk with your T about your fear of crying? Let her know so she can help you with that. It might or it might not happen that way.

It's okay to be scared and to tell her about being scared - that is the first step toward talking, and this IS a deep issue with you and is impacting you right now.

I sometimes feel like I'm not talking about things that are deep, and when I talk about that with my T, she assures me that we are and tells me why it is deep. It's very encouraging.

Keep saying to T whatever comes to mind, even "I'm feeling scared right now".
Let her help you with it. That's what she is there for

Thanks so much. I never thought about telling her how scared I am. I've never told her exactly why I'm scared to cry or even that I am. She knows I don't want to though. Now, I know what I have to do.

[mixedup_emotions]

I can relate to that fear. I have a difficult time allowing myself to feel - fearing that the feelings will be so overwhelming that I won't survive them. I'd imagine it's not an uncommon feeling for those in therapy.

(( HUGS ))

[avlady]

Originally Posted by whatawhat

My T and I have talked about how I avoid talking about the deeper issues of my life. Today was one of those days. I just could not bring myself to say what was on my heart and mind. If I did, I'd be crying hysterically, gasping for air, coughing, and leaving with pink puffy eyes. I haven't told her but I'm scared to cry uncontrollably. I'm scared to let go and totally feel in the presence of someone else. I've never cried that hard in front of anyone and I'm SO scared although it is so needed. I'm also so scared of my tears because I'm scared I'll stay sad and that's not a good place for me. She's so nice and I want her to know that I'm trying but I'm scared. What do I do? I have 7 days until I see her unless there's an emergency which I don't want.

Sounds like you NEED a good cry-try it it feels wonderful let all the junk out

[avlady]

I have been a patient for over 20 years and in and out of group therapy, and we seemed to love it when the person could breakdown and cry especially when we knew they needed too or wished they would. it's feels good when you are doing it, and people usually get alot off their chests as they tell their story when they cry, i hope you can find comfort in this

[karebear1]

I totally understand where you are coming from on this! I have teared up and quietly cried on occasion in T, but I have never sobbed like I have wanted to at times. I know it's in there, but it's just too far under the surface to come up while I'm in T. I don't think I've ever gone deep enough in T to even touch for a second the deep, deep sadness inside- and I'm not sure I ever want to either.

[whatawhat]

Originally Posted by karebear1

I totally understand where you are coming from on this! I have teared up and quietly cried on occasion in T, but I have never sobbed like I have wanted to at times. I know it's in there, but it's just too far under the surface to come up while I'm in T. I don't think I've ever gone deep enough in T to even touch for a second the deep, deep sadness inside- and I'm not sure I ever want to either.

That sounds just like me. I know what I want to say but I also know based on her question what answer will send me over into a whirlpool of tears so I give a shallow answer. She's satisfied that I replied and I'm kind of satisfied that I didn't cry.