I don't know why but I hate it when t is nice. She will always pay me a compliment, or tell me I am a good person but I hate it. I never know what to say, I look away and go red. I don't know why she keeps doing it because it makes me uncomfortable.
Its the same in real life, I hate attention or people looking at me. I hate it when t stares at me- I know its not in a bad way but I don't like it.
Can anyone relate or offer some insights?

[CantExplain]

Perhaps you hate people to disagree?

PS:

For a long time I could not accept that anyone could see things differently from me. If they said they did, they were lying.

[Victoria'smom]

It took me a long time not to refute a complement. Then a long time not to add a snarky comment in my head at the end. Now I'm at the point that I accept that's what T really does think. Eventually I'll take a complement for complement sake.

[Lauru]

I, in general, HATE it when someone, anyone has something nice to say about me. I think they are either lying or terribly deluded. I have been known to argue with my T when he says something nice, or even when he just disagrees with me when I am tearing myself down. So yeah....I have some issues.

[mixedup_emotions]

I find it difficult to take in affirmations as well....My T tells me that it's a necessary part of building self-esteem. If we don't say it to ourselves and we don't allow ourselves to hear it from others, where will it come from? Important stuff. I am still working on it.

[karebear1]

My T will do the same and I just kind of look at her but don't say anything. I believe she believes that, but I'm not so sure I truly believe that about myself, so I don;t know what to say. It's hard to know what to do to get them to stop that!

[retro_chic]

I always feel awkward when people compliment me but at the same time I try and eat it up. What I mean is I will try and file it away and use it when I am feeling like a failure and am trying to challenge negative thoughts. It doesn't always work but I figure it is worth a shot. I guess I have a love/hate relationship with compliments.

It opens us up and we fear that. For me the desire for all those 'nice' things is kept hidden. When T is 'nice' I'm afriad I can't keep it hidden and that means I could get hurt.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I struggled for a long time with T being nice to me or offering me compliments. I'm getting better about accepting that, but it's still hard. For me, it boils down to two things. 1. I HATE having attention drawn to me, because in the past, it meant that something bad might happen. If I'm in the spotlight, that means I'm being noticed, and if I'm being noticed, then that opens me up to ridicule and abuse. 2. I didn't (and still don't, sometimes) believe the compliments or that I deserved to be treated nicely. Because of experiences and my own view of my self worth, I always added "if only's" to the end of any compliment...even if T was being totally genuine. I have finally learned to just take what T says at face value. She doesn't put hidden meanings in her words, she doesn't do passive-aggressive. If T would say "your hair looks nice today" I would add on 'if only you'd get it cut shorter' in my head. Now, I just accept that T thinks my hair looks nice.

[Sannah]

button, it sounds like you could work on your self worth. I had to get used to accepting compliments too. Now I just say thank you. You could start there actually. Make yourself say thank you. This is a step in accepting the compliment.

It seems that you are uncomfortable because of how you feel about yourself? How you feel about yourself does not match the compliment.

Having the spotlight on you also can remind yourself how you feel about yourself.

Being embarrassed is feeling shame about yourself.

[unaluna]

I agree with Rhiannon. It's the "but" part I used to worry about. You look nice but you should lose weight. But you should wear your hair longer. But you should get contact lenses. But you should wear heels. But you should wear a bra. But you should... what's left??!! You start expecting the slap when you hear a compliment. That's why it's important to stay away from your old hangouts - like your family - if you really want to change when you're in therapy. A T for one day can't outweigh your hearing the same bad messages for the rest of the week. So you don't make any progress. I am living proof of this. Don't wait until you're 60 and your mother is still alive and crabbing to make your changes.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

I agree with Rhiannon. It's the "but" part I used to worry about. You look nice but you should lose weight. But you should wear your hair longer. But you should get contact lenses. But you should wear heels. But you should wear a bra.

I used to do that: give a compliment with one hand and take it back with the other. But I've learned not to. W pointed it out.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I used to do that: give a compliment with one hand and take it back with the other. But I've learned not to. W pointed it out.

Sigh - I actually do it to myself sometimes. Someone will give me a compliment, and I'm so used to that "but" being put in there that I'll respond with a "thanks, but..." Trying to break that habit. I had a friend point it out to me at a competition where I did well, and she complimented me, and I replied with "thanks, but I should have done..." She glared at me and told me to stop stealing my own joy. It was the smack to the back of the head that I needed. Ever since then, at least in that environment, any compliment gets received with "thanks, it felt awesome!" Still working on it in other circumstances...sometimes I don't generalize well!

I can totally relate. I think others have a ulterior motive for saying something nice about me to me or they are poking fun at me.