[geez]

I don't feel deserving of therapy.
I don't feel like I'm sick enough to be in therapy.
I feel like my T will figure this out and kick me out of therapy. I told her last week I was afraid of her letting me go as a client. She told me she isn't going anywhere and yet today I feel the need to tell her my 'I don't feel..." statements.

This feels so embarrassing yet I feel the need to tell my T this. I feel like I need to push her to see if she will really be there.

[pbutton]

I SO SO get this. I also feel like I am 'not that bad' and should just quit moping around making a big deal out of nothing. I feel like I should be booted out of therapy.

Hugs Geez,
You are enough! And you do deserve therapy- everyone deserves to be loved and cared for. I know its hard to believe but its true. You don't have to be sick to be in therapy, sometimes we just need to talk to someone neutral who won't judge us.

[Anne2.0]

You've been through a lot lately, and have been working really hard on getting well. You deserve the help.

[unaluna]

My T just recently changed my schedule, increasing the number of sessions, totally at his own initiative. He goes out of town for a couple of days and I think he wants to chuck me out. It doesn't even make sense! I'm finally making real progress. I don't know why this thought arises. Last week he said I was worth waiting for. My mother was always telling me to hurry. It's a different paradigm. You're worth it - is not in my vocabulary.

[geez]

Originally Posted by hankster

My T just recently changed my schedule, increasing the number of sessions, totally at his own initiative. He goes out of town for a couple of days and I think he wants to chuck me out. It doesn't even make sense! I'm finally making real progress. I don't know why this thought arises. Last week he said I was worth waiting for. My mother was always telling me to hurry. It's a different paradigm. You're worth it - is not in my vocabulary.

I can so relate to what you wrote! It doesn't make sense that I have these feelings about not feeling deserving or that my T will abandon me. She has done nothing but be supportive and she trusted me when everyone else in my life didn't trust me to be home (when I had SI).

She has always been there for me but I don't feel like "I'm worth it" or I find it hard to believe that I am "worthy" of my T's time. These feelings usually come up in general when I admire someone/a woman who is strong, smart and caring.

[autotelica]

I feel like this too sometimes. I'm feeling it now especially since I discovered a wonderful med and the cacophony in my head has quieted down a lot.

The only thing that doesn't keep me from feeling really guilty is remembering that my therapist is not seeing me under duress. And she's assertive enough to tell me if she thought I was just being a big whiny baby.

And also, I remind myself that I'm NOT a whiny baby. I don't complain and cry about every little thing. Just the stuff that would drive anyone crazy, if they were in my shoes.

So just try to remember these things for yourself. Also, you should be proud that you aren't taking what you have for granted. That's a much worse trap to fall in, in my opinion.

[southpole]

I feel the same. Feel like I'm boring her and that she thinks I'm not "bad" enough to be in therapy. Now I want to push her away before she does it to me. But that will just be shooting myself in the foot.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by geez

I have these feelings about not feeling deserving or that my T will abandon me.
I find it hard to believe that I am "worthy" of my T's time.
These feelings usually come up in general when I admire someone/a woman who is strong, smart and caring.

All of this means something.

[geez]

Originally Posted by southpole

I feel the same. Feel like I'm boring her and that she thinks I'm not "bad" enough to be in therapy. Now I want to push her away before she does it to me. But that will just be shooting myself in the foot.

WOW! You wrote exactly what I am thinking!
Have you said any of this to your T?

Until we start to strip back the layers we are pretty much numb to ourselves. We don't truely know what we didn't get. We shut our emotions away blinding us to what we truely needed. So on the surface everything seems 'normalish'. That's why I found it so hard to feel I deserved when I begin my healing journey.

[southpole]

Originally Posted by geez

WOW! You wrote exactly what I am thinking!
Have you said any of this to your T?

I did!! I said I was worried that she was bored with me. She said she wasn't and was surprised to hear that I thought that way. So I encourage you to tell her, I feel so much better now