[Sillystring1]

Hi all... I've not posted for about 5 months.
I left my x t 5 months ago and it was a really painful ending. I've found a new t but all I do is talk about my old t and how much I miss them.
I thought I would get over this quickly but it seems to be taking forever. It doesn't help that I have seen my old t several times on the street. It keeps bringing up all the old feelings of loss and grief all over again.
Its so horrible knowing that she's around locally. On some level I want to keep seeing her in the street just to know that she is still around but then as soon as I do its like my mind freezes and I don't know how to process the information!
I want these feelings to pass and to be able to move on with my life or at best have a single day when I don't think about her.
Help! Can anyone suggest anything as I seem to be at a dead end with this one.

x

[elliemay]

I can relate. I experienced some of the very same emotions you describe after ending with my previous therapist. It is grief. It is like a death. I'm sorry for your loss. Very sorry.

My ending was good, I can only imagine how traumatic it would have been to have a bad ending.

I spent a lot of time with my current therapist talking about my old therapist.

As far as moving this along, well, I so wish I had a magic forgetting elixir to give you, but I don't. I think you will likely continue to think about her, but the pain will lessen. I promise. It will get better.

Grief and trauma just have to run their course. I think you are doing a really good thing for yourself by talking about it with your current therapist. It's been my experience that they "get it". At least in terms of how deep the relationship between a therapist and a client can go.

Try to be very kind to yourself. Each day make an effort to find/do/see something that gives you joy.

This is not a life sentence, just a thing you have to go through. It'll get better.

["Tilly may"]

Well put Ellie
I too am sorry for your loss and I agree that this is grief. Take your time and allow yourself to feel sad about it. I hope the feelings pass. I cant imagine how hard it would be to run into T on the street. I see my P on the street but we just ignore each other which is what I requested from her. Maybe you could try thought stopping when you see her and replace the thoughts about her with something better. Like have a thought ready for when you run into her so that you dont have to suffer those feelings.
hope this helps
Cyn

[Sillystring1]

thanks for your understanding tilly and ellie. Makes me feel better knowing that there are others who have been in the same position.
I'll keep talking with t about it until it naturally dries up! Fingers crossed it wont be too much longer!
And thanks for the idea of thought stopping... will try that next time I see her
x

I had a horrible ending with T #1 and here I am almost a yr later and I still bring her name up to T #2. I think you have to process this , just like anything else. I am very thankful I NEVER see T 1 that would freak me out.

[pbutton]

I switched T's in July of last year & we talked about my ex-T in my session last week. It still comes up for me. I'm even glad that I changed; my new T is helpful in a different way and I feel safe with him. But leaving a T is seriously like a death. Allow yourself to grieve.

I understand i went through this and it took my five years to get over it. I could have written your post. And when i found a new t , my old t w all i tlaked about for a long time. But not anymore. I promise,the pain will get much less, you will feel better. I thought i would die, i was in so much pain. I dont feel it at all anyore. Try to see what you can learn by going through this. It was so hard but i am a better person for what i went through.

nevermind, sorry.

[CantExplain]

((SillyString))

[TheRealFDeal]

I just ended with my T on Wed. and I'm in the process of finding a new T. I know I have stuff to process about ending with my xT, but I wasn't thinking it would take months or years. Boo!

[lbdrox]

It's really hard to move on, as I know from my own experience. I hate to be annoying, but it will get better! It took me half a year to get him out of my life, but it did go away. I think if you keep talking about it, it'll wear off eventually. Ignoring won't make it go away, that's for sure. Ask your T if he/she has any advice for you.