[dolphinlover8]

I recently just started seeing a new therapist. Last night I told my therapist that I have feelings of not wanting to be here anymore on this earth.I knew her from before theraphy so I thought I could trust her. That is the only reason why I told her about my feelings. Today I saw that she emailed my mom and told her. She didn't say as much detail about it as I told her yesterday. She also said bascailly everything we talked about in the email. This is my second time doing theraphy with her and she also emailed my mom the first time too saying what we talked about. My mom does know that I can see her emails but I think sometimes she forgets that I can see them. If she really didn't want me to look then she would have changed her password but anyways I thought I could trust her but obviously I can't after that email. She did say in the email to my mom that she knows I would be upset if I knew she emailed my mom about this and that she isn't going to plan on telling me about it. She is right that I am very upset because the minute I read that email I started crying. there was a reason why I didn't want my mom to know. I wanted to save her from having to worry about me because it is just thoughts of not wanting to be here. Nothing more. Now it is going to be hard pretending like I know nothing about this. I am very nervous now of telling her things. I thought theraphy was suppose to be confidental and if there is a safetly issue they would tell you if they needed to talk to your parents.I don't know what to do now because I know I need therpahy but this is the second therpaist that I don't trust now and I don't want to continue with theraphy now. Since I just started and I am not suppose to know she tells my mom what I talk about I don't know how to get that to stop or how to stop theraphy without it seeming like I know about the email. What would you do in this situation?

Bring it up with your T and it doesnt matter how you know about the emails, because you do. I think if you seem to be a threat to yourself or others she has to tell your mom. T is only looking out for your safety. I am not sure where you live or your age, but it would benefit you to be clear on what is and is not confidential.

[anilam]

Depends on your age- if you're underage. Your parents have a right to generally know what's going on in the sessions. I believe even among Ts there's a disagreement how much and what they need to share but reporting the SUI thoughts/plans is stg the majority (if not all) Ts agree upon.
BTW I don't think checking your mum's personal mails is OK- saying that it's her 'fault' cause she knows you know her pass is just a rationalization. I too know my mum's (and sis's/dad's and they know mine) pass and check their mails ONLY if asked. It's based on mutual trust.

[sunrise]

If the therapist thinks the client is in danger of harming herself, she is supposed to inform the parents. I'm not sure email was the best way to do that, but at least she tried. You wrote that your T had emailed your mom a different time too. Was this also about your being in danger? If not, it might be a breach of confidentiality. But my guess is your T was trying to protect you and make sure your parents knew you might harm yourself so they could keep a close watch on you. I think it would be good to clarify with your T what types of things she will share with your parents and what things will be confidential.

Does your Mom know and is she OK with your having her email password and checking her email box and reading her messages? If not, I think you should tell your Mom you still know the password so that she can change it. Even if she does know and is OK with it, I tend to think it is a bad idea...

I agree that your t cares about you and is looking out for you by telling your mom. I also would not be able to trust her after this because she didn't tell you she was going to do it and especially if she emailed after the first session. its because you are under age that t had to tell your mom but I don't think email is the best way to do this.
I imagine you are angry at your t for betraying you but she has to, its her job.
Sorry you are feeling like you don't want to be here, you have your whole life a head of you, things are always changing nothing stays the same so your circumstances will change and get better, it justs takes time and some self TLC

[dolphinlover8]

Thanks! I am 14 by the way. Almost 15 though. The first time she emailed my mom it was basically what I talked about. I was talking about my grades in school and she also sent that in an email to my mom with little things like that. My mom already knew about my grades so that didn't really bother me. I do understand what all of you are saying about the email. She does know I look at it but she doesn't really use that email for stuff important but for some reason she uses it for this and she does know that I know her password too and I also understand about my safetly too. I am mad at her but there is a part of me that knows why she did this...to help me and for my safety. I don't think it is right that she told my mom without me knowing though and she plans on not telling me. Every little thing I tell her she seems to tell my mom but it really bothered me that she told her about the feelings. I thought I made it clear that it was just feeling but never a plan or anything that far. I have seen two other therapists before and they both said if it is just thoughts and if they don't change they don't need to say anything. So basically I am going to watch what I say to my therpaist now because everything I say she will turn around and tell my mom no matter what it is. Even if it is the smallest thing. I thought it was the law and it had to be confidental so I don't really know what to think of this whole thing. Thanks for all the advice!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by dolphinlover8

I recently just started seeing a new therapist. Last night I told my therapist that I have feelings of not wanting to be here anymore on this earth.I knew her from before theraphy so I thought I could trust her. That is the only reason why I told her about my feelings. Today I saw that she emailed my mom and told her. She didn't say as much detail about it as I told her yesterday. She also said bascailly everything we talked about in the email. This is my second time doing theraphy with her and she also emailed my mom the first time too saying what we talked about. My mom does know that I can see her emails but I think sometimes she forgets that I can see them. If she really didn't want me to look then she would have changed her password but anyways I thought I could trust her but obviously I can't after that email. She did say in the email to my mom that she knows I would be upset if I knew she emailed my mom about this and that she isn't going to plan on telling me about it. She is right that I am very upset because the minute I read that email I started crying. there was a reason why I didn't want my mom to know. I wanted to save her from having to worry about me because it is just thoughts of not wanting to be here. Nothing more. Now it is going to be hard pretending like I know nothing about this. I am very nervous now of telling her things. I thought theraphy was suppose to be confidental and if there is a safetly issue they would tell you if they needed to talk to your parents.I don't know what to do now because I know I need therpahy but this is the second therpaist that I don't trust now and I don't want to continue with theraphy now. Since I just started and I am not suppose to know she tells my mom what I talk about I don't know how to get that to stop or how to stop theraphy without it seeming like I know about the email. What would you do in this situation?

I wonder if your therapist and your mom are discussing what goes on with you in therapy because you may be under age 18?

the reason I say this is because here where I am in New York, which is in the USA there is a state mental health law that says any time a therapist believes their client of any age is suicidal or doing harm to their self or others they have to be reported to the therapists supervisor, the mental health agencies superior person if no supervisor is on hand and also if there is a guardian or parent that makes a persons health decisions they must also be contacted. we also have a zero tolerance law that states anyone who a mental health person believes the client is a possible danger to their self or others through suicide, self injury or making threats upon another must be taken in to the hospital for a 72 hour hold in the mental health ward/unit where psychiatric staff can observe and evaluate the validity/and seriousness of the thoughts/ actions or threats.

if you are a person under the age of 18 and your mental health and location laws are like mine then your therapist and your mom have every right to discuss your thoughts of suicide (thoughts of suicide are things like saying you want to die, you dont want to be in this world anymore, and on through to actual planning of the suicide.)

if your location and mental health laws are like mine then your therapist had no choice but to report what you had stated.

what might help is maybe you and your therapist can talk about what legalities she has to abide by in such situations. and maybe you and your therapist can talk about what things she wont have to report or discuss with your mom. for example when I treat teens I tell them the first session I wont have to tell their parents about things like school issues, dating issues but I do have to report if they are suicidal, self injuring, and sometimes I will consult with the parents to find out more information about the home life, routines and if I feel inpatient services would help.

[Bill3]

Sunrise posted: I think it would be good to clarify with your T what types of things she will share with your parents and what things will be confidential.

This.

If you and she can't agree on what will be confidential, then consider asking for a new therapist.

[dolphinlover8]

Thanks. The next time I see her I am going to ask what is confidential and what isn't and yeah I think the laws of New York are the same where I live too.

[Perna]

If you are a minor, probably not a whole lot is confidential by law. I think you do have to discuss this issue with your T though or there's no point in spending the money on this T, if you feel you cannot trust her to tell her what you would like to. I would have issues with my T not telling me that she is telling my Mom. That doesn't seem completely open and honest to me and I would be tempted to respond the way you are, to then not tell her anything. That's not a wrong response on your part, I think it is a mistake on your T's part.

I'd put down a boundary and let your T know if she wanted to tell your Mom something she would have to tell you she was doing so; if you wanted your Mom to know some of this stuff, you would just tell your Mom and keep the money! Tell your T you won't be able to keep seeing her if she's trying to play both sides of the fence, that's disrespectful to you and not something you want or need.

[dolphinlover8]

Yeah I am a minor. Almost 15 and I think in going to talk to my therapist the next time I see her. I am just really nervous about it and how to bring it up but thanks!