[SilverGlitter]

I know I post sporadically on here...it seems that if I'm having a hard time, I don't have the energy to post anything. So I probably don't really deserve anyone to spend time listening to me. But I'm still having a hard time, I just have no-one to talk to this time.

Because usually it's my T who listens and talks to me. But yesterday afternoon, I got a call from T's office saying that she wouldn't be able to come in today. So my appointment for this afternoon was rescheduled but that appointment is not for another week. And because appointments are booked one at a time, she's already mostly full for next week. Which means that my next appointment might not be for two weeks after this next one. Which is hard, considering I see her each week usually.

Which really sucks in and of itself. It's only the second appointment she's cancelled in the years of working together. What makes this time awful is that I only have a few more weeks with her before she's gone for a while. I may be able to go back and see her later on, but that's only a possibility and even if it does happen, it could be months away.

So I can't help but feel that this is just awful timing. When I only have a few weeks left with her, and I'm now not even going to be able to see her every week until she's gone. When she's busy, I usually can't anyway. But all those other times, there isn't a deadline hanging over my head.

But obviously, I can't talk to her about this. At least not yet. I'm allowed to email her, but I'm not going to email her until I see her again next week. She obviously didn't come in for whatever reason and I'm not going to add to whatever problem it is by being upset about this to her. She insists she isn't a mind reader, but she can often predict what I'm struggling to say to her and she knows exactly how I feel about her leaving. So no doubt she probably already knows how awful this has left me feeling.

I'm not even sure what I'm hoping to achieve with this. I just need to get it out somewhere now because the next week is going to be awfully long and lonely. Thanks for reading all this if you made here to the end of this

[harvest moon]

Why can't you talk to her about this in your next appointment? Or even better, write to her a journal so that you can "talk" to her even if you won't be able to see her, and send it to her so that you can discuss it together during your next session...

["Tilly may"]

I know it can be a long time between sessions. My T rebooked one of my sessions because she was sick. It seemed like a long time until i got to see her. i think the journal idea is a good one.

[BonnieJean]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it was awful in January when my t missed sessions because she was sick. You've got this impending break or ending to deal with too. I'm glad you are writing about it here.

So sorry Silverglitter
terrible timing for you

[SilverGlitter]

Thank you for your responses - I didn't even expect people to read the whole thing so I really appreciate that you took the time to respond.
I might try the journaling thing. She says how she likes my emails because I express myself well in writing. So maybe journaling will help too.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to bring this up at the next session with her. Because I'm getting really anxious now about why she couldn't come in today. I just assumed she was sick, but there are reasons in her personal life for why she has to go in a few weeks and I'm really worried now that it's all sped up quicker and something to do with all that has come up in the past couple of days. So now I'm a bit worried about her.

Except I don't want to tell her that. Because when I first found out what was happening, I worried that if I talked about the things that are really hard for me, it might be too much for her, kind of like dumping all my mess on her when she has her own struggles. And she replied that she didn't want me worrying about her while she was worrying about me. And I feel like by worrying about her, I'm not respecting the fact that she doesn't want me to worry about her.

I really just want to ask her, to know what's going on, why she couldn't come in today, so that I don't keep worrying about what might have happened. But I won't see her for another week and I don't want to email her to ask in case she's already got a lot on her plate right now.

But thank you for replying to my earlier ramblings, I really appreciate it!

Silver perhaps you could send a small email wishing her a good day and let her know you are thinking about her?

[BlessedRhiannon]

Silver, I'm so sorry you're struggling right now.

If T said it's okay to email her, then I would do so! I know you don't want to add to things for her, but it's her job to know what she can and can't handle at the moment. With email, she can choose not to read it right now if she's got other things going on.