Need advice or encouragement...or both

Idk if anyone remembers, but a few months ago I finished a photobook from my time backpack traveling. I tried to show it to T then but the anxiety/fear was too strong.

Today marks one year since I left on my trip. For the last week, I've been thinking that I should suck it up and show T the book. We've been talking a lot about shame, and I feel like this might be a way for me to challenge my system and take a chance on myself...to trust T.

BUT...I feel like maybe this is so stupid. My worries are that T is going to think 'why is this client wasting my time with this?' or 'why would she think I'd care about her travels enough to see photos'. Or the worse would be that she says these things to other people like 'you won't believe what my pathetic client did today'.

She said last time when I told her I had brought my book that if I wanted to show them to her then she wanted to see them. If I didn't want to show her then she didn't want to see them. This doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I get that she's saying it's my decision, but she has to have feelings one way or the other, right? To me this means she doesn't care to see them.

Maybe I should just forget the whole idea once and for all.

Does anyone have experience with this? How did your T react?

I say try to show her again. I think she understands how difficult it can be to share things. Obviously you feel a need to show her or it wouldn't come up again.

I think sharing like that helps to develop the bond between patient and T. Also if its about you, then she should know. I think you should show her.

That's the thing though. I don't like this desire to show her because I know part of me would want to do it so I somehow feel special to her. I want her to like me type of thing.

Ha! I can totally relate. A few sessions ago I told T my goal was to bring SOMETHING in to share with him. Didn't matter what it was, but I have a HUGE problem sharing so I set a goal to find SOMETHING to bring in. Right after that I went ballistic about a med change, so I shelved that goal for a bit. He's asked about it at the start of every session since then. (In a nice way.) I don't want to feel like a needy weirdo who is forcing him to look at some stupid crap of mine that he doesn't want to see. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It seems to me that the struggle you're going through is worth exploring with your T. The underlying drive, need - push/pull - etc. is worth talking about.

Oh - and my previous T specifically told me to bring info about my upcoming vacation to my last session. I carefully loaded up my iPad with a few photos and little tidbits of info. I brought the iPad into my session and completely refused to acknowledge that it was there. So, yeah.

I think her statement means that she doesn't want her desire to see them coerce you into showing them to her if you don't want to. My T is big on things being my choice, my decision, and is very gentle about suggesting anything because he thinks it is in part about being all what I want. So I think she is indicating that she would like to see them, but doesn't want you to feel pressured into doing so.

I've never brought in vacation photos, but I have brought in other extraneous stuff to share, including some prose I wrote.

Your travel book project sounds like it is a creative endeavor, and the book probably contains lots of information about you-- what you are interested in, how you saw things (literally, from the photography), how you put things together. T's love information like this, so I can see how she is probably very interested in seeing it.

Hi Fixated,

I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated with this.

Yes, your T is saying that it's your decision as to whether or not you'd like to show her your photo book, but I don't think this means that she doesn't want to see it. I'm thinking that because she knows that this is something that stresses you, that she doesn't want to add more stress by putting any pressure on you by asking that you show her. If she leaves the decision under your control, then you are free to show her when it feels right for you and sharing the photo book will be a more positive experience for you.

You're also correct when you say she must have feelings about the situation. I think that she is expressing her positive feelings about you and the situation by letting you know that anything that is important to you will also be important to her.

I do have experience with this which was a very positive one. I asked my T (now xT) if I could show him a video I had found on YT. I explained that it was a stand up comedy routine (so wasn't sure if he'd want to see it), but that it explained something about my culture that I had been talking to him about. When I asked him, his reply was, "Ok. If it's important to you." We watched the video (on my phone) both laughed, then talked about how this related to my situation. I was really glad that I showed him.

So, when you feel the time is right, share your photobook with your T. I'm sure it will be a positive experience for you.

Bluey48

I think you should show her your book. I would love seeing your photos if i were your t. Its part of your life, your thoughts. It would be interesting to me.
I take tons upon tons of photos and photo books to show my t. She knows what everyone in my life looks like, all the houses ive lived in, all my friends, what i looked like as a baby, etc! She is always interested in seeing pictures. I even send her pictures via email since she is still out of the country.
I say be brave and show her. I dont think she will think its a waste of her time at all.

I can understand your annoyance.

All the same, if you want to show her the pictures, she's agreed to look at them.

I advise you to show them.
I encourage you to show them.

You're allowed to want that.

I have a hard time with this. It seems icky. I don't like it when people try to force me to like them, so I try to be SO careful not to do it to others.

That wasn't quite what I meant, but I can't explain the difference.

I think she's putting your needs first, as it should be. You should talk about the feelings it brings up in you.

I once showed T pictures of me as a child with my family. I had a lot of mixed feelings--tapped right into shame, and also brought up a surprising, to me, feeling of protectiveness of my abuser. Somehow, as long as the people in my past were faceless, I felt less exposed and it was all less real. It was a big step to share this material, very emotional, and very valuable.

Go for it Fixated. Just takes 20 seconds of courage...walk in with it in your hands.

You can do it! Give T a chance.

I don't believe a client ever wastes a therapist's time. A client can waste their own time or money, but not the therapist's.
I personally hate looking at pictures other people took. I would hate looking at my own pictures, except I don't take any. But I am not a therapist. The therapist might find other things about the experience of you showing her pictures useful in your therapy.
I do not think the therapist really does have to have any feelings about it one way or the other. I would not think she desires or dreads looking at them.