Question about proximity

So, long story short, I've had a new therapist since December. The story of the end of the previous therapist is for another time, but may come out in bits and pieces.

Anyway, so this new therapist is very good. It's a different relationship than the last one, but this is going well and he has the expertise to help me with Complex PTSD.

I finally got up the nerve to discuss touch in therapy with him. He does not touch. I understand why. I'm disappointed -- but also recognize that it is probably for the best.

My question is -- is it reasonable to ask that he sit closer to me (especially during EMDR)? We sit about ten feet apart with a glass coffee table in between us (I noticed the glass because I've wanted to hit something a few times and glass is not a good choice).

So he can't touch me, but his words do wonders. Is it reasonable to ask him to move closer, or for me to move closer to him? He's very open to these types of things. I'm just gauging the rejection-factor on this request since I'm a bit sensitive from the (expected) rejection of a requst for physical touch .

Is the room set up so that you can easily sit closer (like it's not too hard to move furniture around)? If so, I'd say go for it. But probably expect to be asked about why you'd like to sit closer. I would too, for the record. Ten feet seems like an awfully far distance.

Hmm .. I might say, gee this glass table is very "cold" and it makes me feel like there is great distance between us. I wish it were made of wood or something more natural.

I think I might say, I know you said no touch but can you at least be closer to me... sometimes I wanna smash your table BTW.

You might say, Can I have that glass table? I know my friend SAWE would practically kill to have a table between her and her T.

Aw, SAWE, I'd give you the table if I could. He knows that I'd like to smash it.

Yes, the room is set up so that furniture can be moved around. It's a large office actually. I can easily explain to him that knowing touch is taboo that his sitting closer would help contain me -- especially during EMDR.

I've found that his voice on the phone seems more calming to me than his voice and presence during therapy. Maybe that's because I need to hear him so badly when I talk to him on the phone ...

I certainly would not hesitate to ask him to sit closer. My T sits very close to me during EMDR. She uses her fingers (not a metronome or headphones, etc.). So, yeah, she is very close...her fingers are about a foot from my face then. It would be so weird to me for a T to do EMDR from ten feet away now, for sure. There is no table between us either. I'd say that when not doing EMDR, my T is usually about four feet away. She does sit closer than other Ts Ive had though.

I sugest bringing up the table as a way to let T know how you feel about this topic. My T set up a round glass table when he changed furnature last year. I told him on the second session with the new arrangement how the table made me feel physically blocked from reaching him. How my mom moved furnature to block us as babies from using the walker to roll into the room where she was cleaning. It made me feel alone and that was how I felt with his table there.

The next session he moved closer to me on his own. Two sessions later the table was gone :-)

Be honest with your needs and talk through them with your T. There is a reason you feel the need to have him closer to you as you are healing. Let him know what those reasons are and the feelings around them.

I think it's really brave of you to be open to touching, even if your t says no. My t and I sit a comfortable 3-3.5 apart but a few times he has leaned way forward to listen to something I'm saying....and then I find myself looking at his shoes sliding further back in my seat.

Yes I agree with the others to ask. Let him know your needs about the distance.

My T and I sit very close during EMDR. Our chairs are pretty much touching.

By all means ask him.

Just go in and say his current setup is NOT fitting your needs and start moving his furniture!!

Ok, maybe not but it sounded like a nice idea for you. Yes, definitely ask about moving the table...I mean, is there anything on it? My ex-T had a glass table to the side of us against the wall with kleenex and his stupid Freud mug on it (that almost got a bashing from me, or perhaps a pitching against the wall?). But I hardly noticed the table where it was placed, and it also had utility.

Anyway, I bet you are not the only one who feels that way about that table. I would say you should def. be able to sit closer and be sure to ask for what you need and explain why. I think my pdoc, if he weren't to move his chair away from his desk and over for our sessions, would be about that far away (10 feet or even more) and it would drive me nuts.

Good luck banishing the table to elsewhere and getting what you need!

My two ideas:

1) If you'd be comfortable doing it, in session you could say something along the lines of "You feel very far away from me, and that's especially hard for me during EMDR"

2) If you don't want to take the risk of doing that in session, you could email him or leave a voice mail a day or two before your next session and say the same thing. Then leave it to him to figure out what to do with it. You may find the table moved out of the way and the chairs closer.

I did that kind of thing with my therapist, and it worked really well.