[rainbow8]

I was thinking about my other thread, and my inability to quit T. I've never put it exactly in these words before, but I have this huge need to tell my T everything I didn't tell my mother. She won't act like my Mom, and that's a good thing, because my Mom was too anxious. I didn't tell my mother what was going on with me--my problems, fears, questions. I lived with them all by myself. I feel better when I tell my T all of those concerns I had, when I was alone and afraid, but couldn't reach out. T is someone I can tell where it hurts, physically and emotionally. The child parts of me can tell her they are scared. The teenager can talk about shame in growing up. The adult can talk about fears of death. I can tell her anything, and I missed out on having someone like that for most of my growing up years. I feel satisfied when I tell her, so maybe when I am done telling her I will be able to quit therapy.

["Tilly may"]

well put

[Anne2.0]

I'm sorry that you did not get that growing up, Rainbow.

I identify with that. There was no one to talk to when I was growing up and more importantly, no one to support me or even just stand next to me while I said, "hey, this hurts!"

I do think, though, that you can cultivate the ability to talk about many of these things with friends and/or your H. I find that my H can provide some kinds of support, but that my girlfriends can offer in many cases much more. There's a really interesting book by a journalist called the Secret Lives of Wives about long term marriages (15+ years, IIRC) and it's not at all as juicy as the title would imply It is about the ways that long term marriages tend to work, at that is where the wife does not look to her marriage to satisfy all her needs, and has friendship or other outside interests that do not involve her spouse.

[Wren_]

rain what would it be like to tell your H that this is part if what you get from therapy?

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I do think, though, that you can cultivate the ability to talk about many of these things with friends and/or your H. I find that my H can provide some kinds of support, but that my girlfriends can offer in many cases much more.

Since I don't have T anymore, I've been kind of forced to reach out in real life and find out what kind of support is there. I am not someone who is open with my friends and H about when I am hurting, but this was bad enough that I didn't really have a choice.

And I found out that a lot of what I needed T for really does exist for me here in real life. I've found it on PC, in private messages, with other bloggers, with my girlfriends, and even with my H. I *do* need to talk through a lot of things, like you, and I didn't have anyone to listen growing up, like you, and I didn't think it was anything that I could ever get outside of therapy. But I CAN. I just had to get to a point where I was forced to take a risk.

Relationships in real life are two way streets (unlike therapy) and I am there for my friends too, of course. Up until now, I've been the person who was more there for them than the other way around. It took a big leap of faith and a lot of desperation to find out that they could give me what I needed - but they have. And more.

So, I think all of that is to say that the things that you *think* you can only get from T might be things that really DO exist for you out here in the world.