I sorta told a lie to T and need to backtrack on it

During my intake interview a few weeks ago we went through a general rundown of who I am, history, the presenting problem, etc...and then he dropped the " any history of trauma?". I was caught off guard, for 30 years I would have answered this as a nope no way, next....I thought about giving an answer like" don't you think the burden of living is traumatic enough? But I didn't say it. Instead, I went" uh,hmmm.....pause.....well...nope!"

I think he knew I was not comfortable saying anything at that moment

But I have been reexamining many things that have happened in my life over the past year and I do think, no, I know there is trauma there but didn't have the voice to answer yes in that moment.

Now I wish I could go back and simply say, yes. Yes, there is a history or trauma and leave it at that. Do I bring this up? Or do you think it will just come out in the natural course of therapy that I do have some trauma in my background? I didn't mean to lie, it just felt like the safest response to give in the moment.

If you really want to talk about it, then bring it up. I think it is probably pretty common to lie about trauma question during the intake interview. I did, and when T asked me again months later if I had been abused, he was not at all suprised when If inally admitted to it.

I lied to my T in my intake interview and probably the next three meetings. He then dropped the topic, and didn't tell him the truth for about a year. I apologized and he said T's expect to be lied to in the beginning.

It's not at all uncommon to omit information during the intake. If you think it's something you're ready to talk about now, just tell your T.

Thanks MKAC, think t knew I was fibbing as it took me avery long time to come up with my no answer. Maybe they all assume that?

I notice that a lot of people in intakes will deny that they have any history of trauma, but as we talk, they start talking about something that was traumatic to them. Trauma is whatever you felt traumatized by, not anybody else's definition. A lot of people have had their trauma invalidated by others who tell them that it doesn't really count, and they then begin to invalidate it themselves and to deny it. One reason for this is that it is painful to take the chance of it being rejected again.

We are beginning to recognize that trauma is behind a lot more than we ever thought it was before. A lot of people don't know how to talk about their trauma, but it is healing to be able to recognize it and have it validated. It could be very important in your treatment, and T will understand that you weren't able to talk about it before.

Oops, I'm not sure that I answered your question. Yes, bring it up if you wish you had told him there was trauma. Otherwise he might not know that you are ready to talk about it, and not push you about it.

How would you bring it up? Something like, I was thinking about the questions from the first meeting and I think there is some trauma there that needs to be worked on?

(Easy to write here, don't know if I could actually get the words out. Would have been easier on myself if I could have simply answered yes).

Sometimes I say something and that therapist says "you never told me that before" and I am usually surprised - it did not come up before. How would I have necessarily known when the therapist asked about X she meant what is to me Y?

If I did, upon reflection, come up with a different answer and I thought it something relevant to therapy, I usually go in and say - I thought about X and perhaps Y fits into it.

I've been trying to process my CSA on my own, mostly coming to terms that it did happen and maybe how it's affected me. I don't know how or if this fits into the eating disorder and if it needs to be put out there.

it may be important to talk about in context of the eating disorder, it may need to wait. I think that depends on how comfortable you are with him and with talking about it. Even if you do bring it up, you can always change the topic again and put it on the back burner for a while... at least it will be out there... I've omitted stuff at intakes also... it kinda just happens when you don't necessarily trust a person yet, and it's a sensitive topic to boot...

It may very well need to wait as I have to develop more trust in T before I feel safe going there. I think to just admit there is something there would feel like I am attacking this disorder from every angle.

Maybe you could tell T that you were thinking about the intake questions, and you do have a history of trauma, but you're not sure you're ready to address it yet? At least put it out there, even if you don't want to go in to the details.

I did that often with my T at first. I'd tell her something, then say that I'm not ready to really delve in to it yet. We eventually got back to those topics once I developed a little more trust in T.

Most of the things I talk about with my T now were not relevant during our first meeting. It was an intake for help with my insomnia/sleep issues. It's now evolved into so much more. I'd rather stuff it all back in as I've recently revealed much more than I ever intended to.

I do have to say that I'm heading down the same road as you. Wondering just how much I reveal to the intake team at the new clinic if I do decide to go. Hard to trust a new team with such sensitive information. I know a little of how you're feeling right now.

[COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"] I initially didn't think of it, but if therapists don't require you to talk about anything you don't want to (and that's the only kind of therapist I want to see) [COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"]how can they expect you to be open about everything on an intake interview.

What is an intake interview. I've never had one.[/COLOR][/COLOR]

Hi Precious,
I honestly wouldn't even consider this a lie, just not knowing what to say in the moment or feeling comfortable saying it. I think it's up to you. If you want to start to talk about the areas that you consider traumatic, you can just tell him you've reflected on his question and have a different response than in the intake. But maybe you're inability to voice it was good intuition that you need more time to build trust and a relationship with your new t before you can get into that.
Hugs to you.

I did this when I first started out with T. He guessed at some trauma that I had not told him yet, and I lied and deflected away from it and told him about a different trauma that had happened instead.

I don't know why I did that at the time. It was automatic.

It weighed on me for a long time that I told T he was wrong about his first guess. Then recently after one session I said to T, "But there are some things I haven't told you." And he did not even react. He seemed to expect it and just said that it was fine and maybe soon I would feel okay to tell him. And I was able to tell him next session.

So I suggest just letting your T know that there is stuff you have not told yet and leave it at that for now. Just so T knows it's out there.

I also lied during the intake session. I said there was no abuse. The following session I said " i have to tell you that i lied about something in our first session, and I am sorry" She asked what did i lie about and I hesitated and then said "abuse". I wanted to be honest with her. she never brought it up again so far.

In my experience, things have a way of coming up when they need to. And they will probably continue to come up, so you have plenty of time.

Usually the experience of abuse comes with an explicit message from the perpetrator or an understanding by the victim that silence is safe and disclosure is dangerous. Even in adulthood, even with conscious awareness, these old tapes are Powerful. Sometimes they play in our unconscious and there is no deliberate "lie." Other times they play in the background but we still don't feel safe telling.

Someone once told me that it is an honor when people disclose their histories to you. I find that word a little over-the-top but I agree with the sentiment that people aren't just going to hand over parts of their lives to anyone just because they ask. There has to be more-- whether it comes from the person doing the asking, or the person being asked, or from the relationship between the two-- before disclosure.

Be honset. It takes time to build trust. A person in this situation may have open the topic in a way simular to this:

"T, there is something that is bothering me. I am learbing how to start trusting you. But trust is not an easy thing for me. But I know being honest with eachother has to be a part of our relationship if we are going to work together.

On my intake session with you, you asked me about past trauma. I said NO. But here is the thing... I did not know you. I did not know if I could trust you. I answered that way because that is a topic too sensitive to talk about with a stranger.

You are now not a stranger. So I am ready to start talking about this with you. I will try to be as honest as I can. But I may not be able to directly answer some questions if they hit a nerve. I may need to ask for a pass on the question. But there it is."

big hugs to you!

My guess is, your hesitance to answer the question told the T that yes, there was probably some kind of trauma history. Ts ask the question on intake, but they also know that many people will disclose more later, and they don't hold it against us if we lie or maneuver around the question. In fact, your T may even ask you again in a few weeks's time as you become better acquainted.

Very succinct. I am still trying to find my voice on this one. It has taken me the past year to really process in my head that yes, I have been living in denial. I started to bring this up with a former T but reverted back to denial. It's taken me over 30 years to get to this point so it just doesn't flow out in any intake interview. I think when and if it needs to come out, it will.

All of your responses are very reassuring, thank you.