How many of you are with or have been with that ONE T that really got you, like no one else ever has? And if you are no longer with that T, have you been able to "settle" or find someone else "good enough", or maybe there are other ONE Ts out there for us?
My ONE T, the one I should have been with because he was the one who helped me and got me and was always there for me in just the right way, terminated with me in Oct. 2010. I have been with one of his suggested replacements since, and he is very kind and supportive, but it's just not the same, like not even CLOSE.
I saw my childhood T again as a possible option (disaster) for several sessions, and 2 others my pdoc suggested. I liked both of them. But my ONE T I could tell from the first session. So since 2010 it's like therapy, but "vanilla" therapy, and I am so angry right now about it I could scream...angry at my ONE T. I don't think I can find that again. What have your experiences been with finding that ONE T?

If you equate this situation to love, then I would say you are going to have to let that "one T" go before you will be able to find another "one T".

[stopdog]

I don't think I believe in THE ONE true therapist. I think there are more than just one. Is it at all possible you have the one in the past so built up in past memory that everyone else will pale in comparison? I am sorry that one ended therapy with you.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

If you equate this situation to love, then I would say you are going to have to let that "one T" go before you will be able to find another "one T".

No I don't equate it to love, I equate it to getting me...I am not so much into the school of "my therapist has to love me" more like "my therapist needs to know me well enough to call me on my bs."

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think I believe in THE ONE true therapist. I think there are more than just one. Is it at all possible you have the one in the past so built up in past memory that everyone else will pale in comparison? I am sorry that one ended therapy with you.

No I saw his flaws from day 1 and pted them out. He found it frustrating, ha. I am fine with flaws, they are people, too.

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

No I saw his flaws from day 1 and pted them out. He found it frustrating, ha. I am fine with flaws, they are people, too.

No no you missed my point....

I have fallin in love with more then one person but in order to do that you have to let the first one go... I was essentially saying what SD was saying only not as directly....she is a way better communicator then me.

* I guess I am saying that in order to click with someone new , you have to be open to that opportunity as it will never be exactly the same as it was with "that one t", but it could be just as good only different.

[stopdog]

LC - and I thought you said it better than I.

OP - It may not be that you did not notice some flaws, but still you see him as great at therapisting you and in comparison-others will fail you.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

No no you missed my point....

I have fallin in love with more then one person but in order to do that you have to let the first one go... I was essentially saying what SD was saying only not as directly....she is a way better communicator then me.

I don't know...my current T doesn't seem to think I have built him up at all...I have journals from that time. So I remember what it was like, and it wasn't all perfect. We were doing real therapy, and of course, as you know, real therapy can be hard and hurt. But, I was getting somewhere, too.

[stopdog]

Can you tell the current therapist what you would like him to do differently? Like what you remember the first guy doing that helped you so much?

Originally Posted by stopdog

Can you tell the current therapist what you would like him to do differently? Like what you remember the first guy doing that helped you so much?

He would have to be a different person. They aren't even comparable...communication style, sense of humor, awareness, the way he analyzes...everything.

I might just take a break for awhile.

Sounds like you aren't clicking with this one.... If that is what you need to really open up and get back to work then keep shopping around. May I ask what happened to end the one T?

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Sounds like you aren't clicking with this one.... If that is what you need to really open up and get back to work then keep shopping around. May I ask what happened to end the one T?

I really don't want to say on here, no offense to anyone. Someone asked me on here in 2010 and I couldn't answer than either...it wasn't really his "fault" tho. But it was sudden and I had no closure.

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

.it wasn't really his "fault" tho. But it was sudden and I had no closure.

That's ok .... this is what I thought. I had an abrupt termination with my first T and that alone would be the first 6 months of discussion with my new T. Have you processed this loss yet?

[Anne2.0]

There was almost 15 years in between my first round of therapy and this round, which has lasted about 2 years now. I found finding this last T was at both very scary (I had one interview with a potential T that scared me so much that I didn't even try again for a year) and very easy. For my current T, I called a large practice of therapists and asked to be matched with someone who had experience working with trauma. I met him and he wasn't too bad in the beginning. I don't see him as "the one", though. I wasn't entirely sure that things were going to work out, but he has steadily grown on me and this has been my most productive therapy yet. He's very different from my prior T's in that he self discloses a lot, but he's also very similar in that he's brainy and non-controlling. If I ask him to do something, like push me, he'll do it and he isn't scared off by my frustration or sarcasm. He doesn't do anything annoying and when he uses a word too often, I make fun of him and he stops. All around a good guy.

Part of me thinks that I was just ready to do the work, and any decently intelligent T could have helped me at this point. There is some saying that goes when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. For me, it has seemed like the same is true with therapy.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

That's ok .... this is what I thought. I had an abrupt termination with my first T and that alone would be the first 6 months of discussion with my new T. Have you processed this loss yet?

Absolutely not. My T has been trying to help me process it since 2010 but I don't really "grieve well," if that's even possible.

IMO you need to process the loss of the first one, so you can move on to another.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

IMO you need to process the loss of the first one, so you can move on to another.

Agreed. I just have to figure out how.

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

Agreed. I just have to figure out how.

When I interviewed T's I flat out said, "I had transference with my last T and she handled it poorly and we terminated abruptly , so the first thing I will need is to process that... if you can help me do that then I would like an appointment."

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

When I interviewed T's I flat out said, "I had transference with my last T and she handled it poorly and we terminated abruptly , so the first thing I will need is to process that... if you can help me do that then I would like an appointment."

That sounds good. The T I am seeing now was recommended by terminating T... they used to work together in the same office years ago, so I think he thought he could help me. They spoke before I started therapy with current T, so everyone knew what was going on.

My Xt reccomended people too , I steered clear of those people.. Lol

[rainbow8]

I quit my first T abruptly after about 3 years with her. I wasn't ready to leave, but it was my decision. It was traumatic and I spent a lot of time (months) processing the loss with the next T I saw. So I think grieving the loss of that T is very important.

As far as HOW to do that, it's like any other loss. Talk about the person, be honest with yourself that you feel bad about their not being around for you anymore, and cry. It's taken me years to grieve for my mother because I was avoiding thinking about her. You have to let yourself be sad for what or whom you lost.

I have learned different things from each T. No one has been that ONE T because I attached to all of them. I thought my current T was the best, because our fit is the best, and because she is the only one who allows touch in T, but now I realize that she made some mistakes, so I'm not sure any more if she is that ONE T. I do agree that one T can "get you" more than another, or you can feel safer with one more than another. I definitely feel safer with my current T than my other 4 Ts.

[wotchermuggle]

I just wanted to add something a bit different.

I thought my first T was the ONE, but it turned out he wasn't and I didn't know this until we ended therapy and I started working with someone else.

The therapist I have now, is definitely the ONE, but even with that, I didn't know he was the ONE until a while into therapy. It took time before I came to the realization.

I think that speaks to the fact that you really need to put the effort into therapy before you can really get something out of it, and that first impressions are not always true.

I have that one t. She gets me. She is awesome. Se has flaws of course (the major one being that she is on the other side of the world right now for a family emergency) but we can still skype and talk on the phone, and she will still come home...some day.

[adel34]

I feel the t I've been with for a year and a half, and stopped doing in person work with due to moving is the t that got me the most! I've done the best work so far with her.
However, she has said, and I now know that there have to be others out there for me. I've been fortunate to have connected with a local dance/ movement therapist who offered me some sessions, and she was very much like the t I left!It was so great to have that experience with her of truly feeling connected, unfortunately we can't work together as she's retiring at the end of the year.
But this did show me that with persistance I'll hopefully be able to find something like that again.

[Nightlight]

My one T is my current T. She was the first T I went to. It was so unlikely that I'd feel that way about any person at any time, let alone about a T...and the first T I met, at that. That's why I've been so afraid of our sudden huge ruptures that started in about November last year. I'm risking losing my one T in the most awful way.

I know if I tried really hard I might find someone else I get on with who can help me a little, but I don't know...it seems like such luck to find someone you really click with. I can't imagine finding another person that I liked in the way that I liked my current T from the moment I met her.