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  #26  
Old Mar 05, 2013, 11:15 PM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal View Post
After interviewing my 7th potential T yesterday, I have been giving a lot of thought as to why I am not finding anyone. Yes, there were a few jerks. There were a couple who decided they could not take me on. But a couple were nice enough; I just did not feel a connection. Why? Other than my trust being shattered, is there more? Is it possible that I'm just not ready to settle with a new T? Maybe I just need a break. What if I just took a break from therapy? I'm really tired of the search. Tired of phone calls leading to dead ends. Tired of telling my story to someone I'll never see again. Yes, I think that's it. I'm going to take a break from searching and see what happens to me without therapy. I'll still have the crises, and feel like crap and want to end it all, but none of them had any outside the session contact with their clients anyway. It seems that's the way it's going with these therapists. They're turning their careers into M-F, 9-5 kind of work, which is when I work. So when would I schedule T anyway? It feels a lot like I'm not supposed to get help. Aw, geez, I'm all over the board.
You won't always form an attachment right away. And maybe a few weeks of less attached therapy is what you need right now.
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  #27  
Old Mar 06, 2013, 01:25 AM
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TheRealFDeal TheRealFDeal is offline
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I think it might also have to do with their gender ... 6 of them were female, and for some reason I have a bias toward males. Even though my first T, who I saw for like 8 years, was a female.
  #28  
Old Mar 07, 2013, 02:08 PM
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rainboots87 rainboots87 is offline
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That sounds frustrating. I know I "present" differently to different people, not just T's. In fact, in my last city I worked with a dietitian, an individual T, and a group T all in the same practice together. I absolutely acted differently with each one based on the relationship we built. It took me awhile to realize it, but it probably relates to my people-pleasing, my comfort level with each one, and the nature of our interactions (therapy vs nutrition and group vs individual). I think it's really natural to do that. Also, in terms of not taking responsibility, I imagine many people (including those in and those not in therapy) would do that to some extent. Who is going to show up for a first session as the perfect client? There's a reason we're all in therapy.
  #29  
Old Mar 14, 2013, 12:38 AM
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TheRealFDeal TheRealFDeal is offline
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OK, so I took a break from T-shopping for a week. It felt like much, much longer. But my GP called me on Monday with a few names, and I felt obligated to try them since she is trying to help. Interestingly, two of the four she gave me were ones I had already called. So have I come full circle?

Anyway, one of them had only 7 am available. There's no way I could do that. I work 9-6 instead of 8-5 because I cannot make it to work that early.

I met with the other of them today. He gets points because the first meeting is free and it's all about setting the ground rules, how he works and then what you want/need from therapy, but no actual therapy! I think he's got the right idea there. Take points away, though, for being younger than me. Really! All 7 other T's I met with were older than me, at least by a bit. Not pretty to look at - point neutral. I actually made a second appt. He gets another point for working with my schedule - he agreed to see me at 6pm.

So, I'm thinking it over. I didn't feel a connection, something I've been requiring. But I'm thinking all I really need right now is someone to help me process the trauma of my termination with xT. I can deal with my BPD later, and maybe I will be in a better frame of mind to find a T that I can connect with. Maybe a connection with this guy will come later and I will be able to work with him on the rest of the stuff. I haven't been willing to think about working with a T on a short-term basis (or one that I don't feel an instant connection to), but maybe that's how I get back in the game.

Idk, I do feel some ambivalence about going back to him, but even in this therapy-neutral meeting, I got emotional. Meaning, the trauma and hurt from the termination with xT is as fresh as if it happened yesterday. I've got to do something. I've got to move on. I've got to get to where it doesn't hurt this bad. Because I can't live like this anymore.
  #30  
Old Mar 14, 2013, 07:52 AM
Anne2.0 Anne2.0 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal View Post
I haven't been willing to think about working with a T on a short-term basis (or one that I don't feel an instant connection to), but maybe that's how I get back in the game.
I think that your willingness to reconsider these requirements is a wise one. It's adaptable and functional and I think also just more accurate about human connection. I haven't had an instant connection with any of the T's I have worked with, and all of them have worked out just fine. There are certainly people in my life who I've had instant connections with, and some have turned into lasting relationships, some have not.

Ditto on the short term work-- it might just work to have short term therapy, or at least it's worth a try.

I think that this process of shopping for T's has given you an opportunity to grow, and you've taken it. I hope it works out well for you. Good luck.
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