Session today was great, me and t(or t and I) were both in really great moods today. We complimented each other on our new hair and new shoes. T said I looked really well
T was certainly in the mood to talk but there is nothing new there. Three sessions later and we still havent finished my depression test.
T was telling me how she went on holidays with her daughter and how they had a great time. As soon as she said it she looked at me with those sad eyes and said sorry because she knows I don't have that with my mom.
She then asked how it was going with my mom and truth it it sucks. I wish t was my mom so we could go shopping together and go on holidays.
I asked t what she would do if her daughter were gay and she said she would still love them and maybe even more because they would need more loving. She said she would ask them how they would want to be treated and what they needed from her and I started to cry. T gave me a big hug and said no matter what your mom thinks, you are a special person and lots of people love you

[Hope-Full]

I hear you button.... I know what you mean... (((button)))

[EllieBear]

I hear you too button. My T is a great mom to her daughter and my mom hates me and always has. I too wish I had a mom like that and it's really painful to face the fact that I don't. Sorry you have to deal with this pain too

[adel34]

I know exactly what you mean. My voice movement therapy t who I worked with for a year and a half really was like a mom to me. My own mom is an alcoholic, emotionally inconsistent and not someone to confide in with emotional issues. With t, she taught me how to be ok with strong feelings, how to handle conflicts in our relationship, and she was just so supportive and present to me. She held and cuddled me when I was really upset, which is something I never got from my parents. She helped me decide to make the move to Chicago, and siad she'd support whatever I wanted to do.
Even now, though I'm not paying her (because I can't afford it!) she made up her mind to still work with me and be in touch until I get a new t. I get so much out of being able to write her and our skipe conversations every few weeks than I do talking to my mom, because I can't really be honest with her.
So yes I know about this wish. And it's magical when it can be fullfilled in a way. I never expected that, or knew I even was really emotionally without a mother until I started working with her. Now if she could just adopt me already I'd be good!

[stopdog]

Which therapist is this? The new one? Are you still seeing the old one?

[content30]

While I have a good relationship with my mom, I still do wish T was a relative...maybe a cool, older sister or a first cousin...that would be fabulous!

Originally Posted by stopdog

Which therapist is this? The new one? Are you still seeing the old one?

It's old t cos new t is sick and I won't see her for another few months!

[stopdog]

Sorry the new one is not well.

Originally Posted by button30

It's old t cos new t is sick and I won't see her for another few months!

old T is toxic.... and you need to tell her about the mom fantasy

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by button30

I wish t was my mom so we could go shopping together and go on holidays.

I've had that fantasy. But it turns out my T is so much like my Mum that our relationship is scarcely any better.

[QuietCat]

I know how you feel too. Except in my case I wish my T was my father
I haven't told him this yet... maybe I should.

[Asiablue]

I totally get how you're feeling. That wistful longing to have a permanent connection to them, one that won't stop when therapy does. To right all the wrongs of you childhood. Why don't we get to have a "do-over"? It's a cruel trick of nature.

[Dreamy01]

I understand this longing too. It hurts.

[tinyrabbit]

I wish my T was my dad. I'm pretty sure he knows this.

[Anne2.0]

I have said, to a younger version of myself who sometimes shows up to sessions, "he's not your Dad!" I have felt that my ability to allow myself to relate to T at times from a more child like perspective, to absorb the caring that comes with it, to feel that he wants the best for me and will do what he can to help me, to feel secure in the intimacy without any creepiness, to trust, it has been healing for me. I think that to allow myself to feel his paternal feelings and not reject them in disgust or anger or whatever has been helpful to me in accepting other caring or support from people.

I know that I have had maternal feelings towards some of the young adults I have worked with over the years, it's sort of a natural extension of mentoring them. So I don't think there's anything weird or wrong about offering someone a form of parental caring even if you're not their parent, or feeling like you want that kind of caring from people who are not yours. Maybe it's not exactly what Hilary Clinton meant when she said, "it takes a village . . . ", but it's certainly an extension of the idea that we can have all kinds of parent figures in our lives and we're probably the better for it.

So many people feel like this: it's so sad that we are all hurting
Are we supposed to tell our ts. I imagine most of them know and I know mine is encouraging these feelings with me

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I have said, to a younger version of myself who sometimes shows up to sessions, "he's not your Dad!" I have felt that my ability to allow myself to relate to T at times from a more child like perspective, to absorb the caring that comes with it, to feel that he wants the best for me and will do what he can to help me, to feel secure in the intimacy without any creepiness, to trust, it has been healing for me. I think that to allow myself to feel his paternal feelings and not reject them in disgust or anger or whatever has been helpful to me in accepting other caring or support from people.

I know that I have had maternal feelings towards some of the young adults I have worked with over the years, it's sort of a natural extension of mentoring them. So I don't think there's anything weird or wrong about offering someone a form of parental caring even if you're not their parent, or feeling like you want that kind of caring from people who are not yours. Maybe it's not exactly what Hilary Clinton meant when she said, "it takes a village . . . ", but it's certainly an extension of the idea that we can have all kinds of parent figures in our lives and we're probably the better for it.

Thanks for that great explanation and analogy. I kind of felt weird and creepy for feeling like this but now I see that lots of people have these feelings I don't feel as bad!

[tinyrabbit]

In my last session, my T ended up reading aloud to me - he read me the poem My Name Is Toxic Shame, and he read out a story I had written at my request. I felt like a child being read to, in a good way. I kind of wish he could just spend the next few sessions reading to me.

If you think about it, good Ts act a lot like parents (or models of how parents should be) because they provide models for secure attachment and allow us to throw tantrums and show emotions without rejecting us.

[meganmf15]

Everyday I tell my T "you are my Mom". She tells me that our work together is making her the Mom that I will internalize and be able to have and hold close to my heart forever. I believe her - I love her so much - she truly touches my heart and soul. Our work together will be done when I can do the work without her physical presence.

Pam