[bluemountains]

Hi All,
I am sorry I haven't posted much here lately. I thought I had my therapy sessions under control, so I have been spending my time on the bipolar boards. I guess I am back to therapy needs.
When I checked my email today my therapist had sent one saying that she is leaving immediately because her husband has a new job in another state. My last appointment is on Monday. She wanted to notify me before our session on Monday so that I would have time to process.
I know these things happen, but I am trying to figure out how to process the news. I have been with this therapist for 1.5 years. In the beginning I had promised myself that I would never get close to my therapist, but of course this happened. I don't need to explain why, because most of you know how this happens. The thing that sucks is that I have to face that this is a job for her while, for me, it is a major part of my mental healthiness. Knowing and seeing my therapist has been my reason for feeling so normal for the past few months. Yes, the meds have worked, but I would have never continued to take them without my therapist's support.
So where to go from here? Do I find a new therapist? My pdoc always checks to make sure that I am seeing a therapist-a part of a treatment that she feels that is important. Do I give it up? I really don't like this part of the relationship where the truth glares-it's not really a relationship, it's just a job.
Also, I don't know if I have the energy to start over from the beginning, telling my painful stories again. Thoughts?
Bluemountains

Originally Posted by bluemountains

Also, I don't know if I have the energy to start over from the beginning, telling my painful stories again. Thoughts?
Bluemountains

It becomes easier with each telling of the story and of course you need another T, she isn't available but you weren't done. Have her give you suggestions for new T's and then process this loss with new T. You can do this.

[stopdog]

It is hard to have it be this abrupt I imagine.

[roads]

You go on. Having this T was a gift, to get you going. It's hard work, but you don't quit. You're doing this for you, and this T got you to where you are. The meds are part of it ... and there is no reason for you to throw away anything that the two of you have accomplished together. You take those gifts, you find another T, and you move on to an even better you. You keep doing the work, you keep sweating the tears.

roadie

[adel34]

I'm sorry this happened. I'm a little shocked that she told you so soon before your last appointment that this was happening especially through e-mail! I agree with the others to find another t. As hard as it is.

[skeksi]

What a shock! It seems like the most pressing concern is what to do next--that might end up being the content of most of your final session, unfortunately. I am sorry that you were not able to close this therapy a little more completely.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

It becomes easier with each telling of the story and of course you need another T, she isn't available but you weren't done. Have her give you suggestions for new T's and then process this loss with new T. You can do this.

This has been my experience too. I had to stop seeing my T abruptly when he took a new job (in the department I was working in!), so he became my colleague that I never saw. But you don't really start over with a new T, you don't have to repeat everything about yourself and your life, you just pick up where you are and go from there. New T can help you do this.

[ECHOES]

The suddenness of this change must be so shocking.

The thing that sucks is that I have to face that this is a job for her while, for me, it is a major part of my mental healthiness.

I think it's possible that she is also feeling like she is being torn away from people for whom she cares very much. I've never bought into the "just a job" notion. It is their job *and* they do care about us. I truly think it's both.

I hope your last session is helpful for processing this and I also hope that she might have a suggestion about another therapist that she thinks you could work well with. If not, perhaps she could give you some ideas about what kind of therapist and therapy to look for.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

[Perna]

I don't think it is just a job to your T; these things happen in life. When your parents moved when you were a kid and you had to leave all your friends; when you did well in a grade with a particular teacher and then graduated to the next grade; when you changed jobs or a friend at work, or your best friend moved away; it is unfortunate that it has happened in a therapy relationship and you only have a weekend to process it.

I would ask your T if she is referring her clients to anyone else in particular; it is possible a "friend" of your T might be a good fit or, knowing you somewhat she might know another T who she thinks would be a good fit. My group T directed me to the T I finally saw for nearly 20 years and who was most helpful to me. I'd think about what you have gained in a year and a half in therapy with this T, go over it with her on Monday and see if you can come up with a rough idea of where you want to go from here. It will take time to grieve the loss of this relationship, it cannot just be swept under the rug for you or for your T! Think of ways to work on that while you also move forward and maintain your successes/gains.

[bluemountains]

All of your encouragement is so helpful as I am processing this. The panic I feel is easing a little bit as I contemplate our final meeting on Monday. Because of our new insurance, I am limited with choices for a new therapist; however, I am going to take a list of possibilities and ask her for input. I know that she will recommend someone in her current practice; however, the only one I would want to see is already my son's therapist.
I'll post on Monday to let you know how things go.
Thank you!
Bluemountains

[bluemountains]

As my appointment gets closer, tomorrow morning, I am beginning to dread the discussion of the end. During my first couple of months of therapy, I would always write down my thoughts because I was in a very bad place and could not actually open up with discussion. Some of these writings were very much off the wall. My t kept these, but said they were in a separate folder, not the official file. I am going to ask for this folder tomorrow. I hope she really did keep them separate. I am very paranoid about not having control of sharing my history.
Also, I wonder what happens to all of her notes. Does she keep them or do these stay with the business-a group of psychologists/therapists who make their own rules, but benefit from the scheduling, location, etc. of the business?
Personally I would prefer that my records not follow me. If I am starting over with a new therapist, I want to be treated on who I am now. I will share my past, but I would rather use my words, and not someone else's notes.
Sorry to ramble, I am just trying to get my thoughts and feelings organized for tomorrow!
Bluemountains

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

Personally I would prefer that my records not follow me.

Your T's notes can't be sent to a new T unless you give your permission. My current T did not want any notes from my first therapist. I also saw a family therapist with a family member and he didn't want anyone else's notes either. Chances are a new T will meet you where you are and go by what you say. And if the new person does want previous records, you can just decline.

Good luck. I hope tomorrow goes well.