What does your T do when you cry?

I hate crying. I feel weak and stupid when i do. I cried once in T and he just sat there and let me experience the feelings and moment. At the end of the session I was so angry at him for letting me cry and not trying to stop me. I told him this next session and he said he's not the sort of T that pats people on the back and says "There, there" After talking about it I came to the conclusion that I found feelings overwhelming and I was frightened that if I did not stop crying it might overwhelm me and I might die. So my mantra now is "Feelings cannot kill/harm me"

I have no idea what to expect if I break down in front of T, but I think I am going to find out in my next session. I honestly don't want any empathy because I think I deserve what I have coming. I think its important for T to not get too involved emotionally. Its our responsibility to do the feeling for our own issues.

"I read somewhere that if a T comforts a crying client, it often causes the emotion to tamp down." This makes sense to me. I am usually more a leaker than a sobber, but I have burst into hysterical sobs once.

Patoman04, I think we feel our own feelings, but our Ts are there in the moment with us, kind of along for the journey. They don't just watch from behind an emotional wall, or at least they shouldn't.

I never cried in front of anyone before therapy (and still don't). I was in such a bad place when I started therapy that my eyes would get watery at times, but I wouldn't let it get to the point where there were tears that came out of my eyes, no way!

It was about 3.5 years later that I cried properly in front of T and couldn't stop myself. After some bad ruptures, I've cried a fair bit now. It's a pretty unpleasant experience. Even though I don't think I'd want T to do anything (please just pretend you haven't seen), it's kind of sad to have her sit there and continue talking to me as if nothing was happening. One of the first times it happened she hardly looked at me and although I think it was because she sensed the I didn't want to be seen AT ALL, it still felt quite rejecting. Once she was basically yelling at me and causing me to cry, for a whole 50 minutes, I was very distraught, and she didn't back off or check if I was okay. Ouch. Another time what she said was so awful that I put my head in my hands, and after continuing on talking harshly for a while, she said "what's going on, you look ashamed".

I think it reminds me of the way my family responded when I was a child. They pretended there was nothing wrong and acted like I wasn't crying.

she's quiet with a compassionate look on her face, quiet I should say except for that she gently reminds me it's ok to feel my feelings and she creates that safe space where I can allow myself to feel without fear of retribution. this most recent time she did that for me was even over the phone, and it was an incredibly healing experience.

I've never cried in therapy. If I did, I think my T would look at me compassionately. She would probably get tears in her eyes too. If I was crying due to something non-traumatic, because I was finally letting it out, we would both cheer and I'd yell "I cried! Let's celebrate!"

He stares at me and says "Sit with that feeling.." or "Tell me about those tears."

When he says that I automatically stop crying and my emotions get sucked away from me.

I don't know and hope to never find out.

Am I the only one struck by how many have not cried in therapy?

I for one.. Wish I could cry in T.. I have gone to so many sessions on the brink, thinking this was it my emotions are just gonna be let out. It however, never happens.

I've been in therapy for a little over 2 years.. 1 1/2 years with xT and 6 months with current T and I haven't cried with either T. When telling xT about some abuse he commented that my words and my emotions did not seem to match up. I can dissociate from the feelings very easily... When I told xT something that was very sad to me... he had teared up... but not me and even though I didn't say so..It really pissed me off that he teared up... It was my incident my event... if I wanted to cry about it, I would have and I don't need someone else's pity.

But if I had my choice, I would be able to cry if I wanted to cry...(but even though I want to cry or feel the need to cry the defenses are too high)

Maybe it wasn't pity but empathy for you?

That is a possibility..
others have suggested that T's do that to model behavior but that just feels manipulative to me....

She is quiet. Once in a while she brings the tissue box closer but not often.

I had lunch once with a person who is a t and she commented she never offers tissues because she thinks it makes a statement that tears aren't okay if you have to clean them up. I don't know about that...

I was also struck by how many people hadn't cried. I worry that my T, and people on here, must think I'm pathetic because I sometimes do cry in T. That my problems must not seem that bad if I can cry (though I just don't talk about the really bad stuff). My thinking is evidently somewhat screwed-up.

My T has tissues in his room but will only hand them to me if I ask him to.

>> what does your T do when you cry?


nothng. Period.

I think if I ever cried, I'd be too embarassed to go back. I hate crying in front of other people.
I've cried in front of my friends twice. Once because I'd screwed up something big, and once because I'd screwed my relationships with them...

If I ever come close to crying, I'll probably tell her to stop and give me a moment to collect myself... Though I don't see the crying thing happening at... all.

My T usually sits quietly and just lets me cry. It's taken me a long time to be able to cry in front of T, and she knows how hard it is for me to just feel my feelings. So, she sits there and gives me the space I need to experience whatever I'm experiencing. Once I've stopped crying, she'll ask me to tell her about the tears. I used to try and talk through the tears, and push them away, and T would notice and ask me if I could stop and just pay attention to the emotions I was feeling. It's been very hard to do, but I'm learning.

I appreciate T just giving me space to feel. I've never felt that it was okay to cry in front of others, so it's a new experience for me. If T were to try and comfort me, I'd probably instantly stop crying, because I'd feel like I wasn't supposed to be crying. T never touches me, so that's not an issue.

I've heard that before. And also that it is rescuing.

My response when I cry and the tears start falling is that a tissue would be kindness so I don't have to use my sleeves or hands. For me it is a thoughtful, kind gesture. I've never experienced it as some kind of disapproval.

Tear do have to be "cleaned up." At least I know my instinct isn't to just let my tears fall to my clothes. Tears on my face don't feel comfortable. It's not a "cleaning up" issue for me. It's a comfort issue for me.

Makes total sense....I do the same thing in my sessions!! I disconnect emotionally and just put up walls or intellectualise my feelings. This frustrates me to no end because I feel like I am not making progress in my sessions and they do not come cheap

Good topic!
Going over all my herapists, the first one I had in my teens I think I only cried once and she gave me a hug. The psychiatrist I don't remember crying with at all, maybe just once. The therapist I saw next I cried with a lot, and she would sit next to me and touch me-- as a body psychotherapist this was a part of the work. The two ts I worked with after that, VMT t and someone else, both expressive arts people, I would cry there and they would hold me or touch me and just talk to me quietly. This was the best for me, particularly with VMT T. I still remember clearly the first time I cried with her. She took me in her arms so tightly and rocked me, that's when the turning point happened... when I realized the work wasn't about singing songs like voice lessons, but about exploring myself and that she was someone I could get close to in order to do that. Her holding me and touching me and sitting close made it safe to feel.
Even now when we do skipe sessions she can't touch me obveously, but she still talks quietly as I get extremely over whelmed when I cry, and says she's here and it's ok and stuff. Last session we had she teased me after that I was "crying better" than I had been when I first moved out here!
With the t I tried first here she did not respond well to my crying. She was her same analytical self, sat across the room in her stupid chair and didn't say or do much of anything besides suggest I take a break in the hallway and that what we were discussing was really bringing up feelings for me. Yeah, you think? I wanted to say,"And you talking like a textbook is bringing up feelings for me too!"
I've seen a dance therapist off and on for three sessions, we can't work long-term for various reasons, and this last time I saw her last week I cried a lot of the session. She was calm but really with me in all that. She said it was ok for me to touch her hand and she eventually held me like my other t had and stroked my forehead and my cheek and stuff. It was a very healing experience for me.
I disagree that a t being comforting, and even touching a client if they feel comfortable with it, would make everyone stop feeling. This might be the case for some people, but I'm sure that for others it's just the opposite. I've been so hurt by people not showing a genuine response or reaching out supportively to touch me when I've been upset, in fact this has often made me more upset than I already was. And having the support that the ts I've clicked with have given me has made it safe for me to feel more deeply.
I just met with a new t last week. She seems very nice, and we'll see how she feels about all this as we get to know each other.
Again great topic.

My T is a relational body psychotherapist but doesn't touch me. I didn't know he was a body psychotherapist when I first saw him as I got confused. Funny coincidence given I have a lot of somatic illness. Body therapists often work without touch especially with trauma.

He told me last session that "in my mind, I just threw my arms around you" and I liked that he expressed that without actually touching me.

I have never cried in front of T. I came pretty close last session - I was trying so hard to fight back the tears that my eyes literally hurt. I will be talking to T about my issues about crying in front of her next session (which is tomorrow). If I ever do cry in T, I would hope she would let me have my moment and once I have calmed down, give me a hug. I highly doubt I would get a hug though. I told her once that I want her to hug me and she said it wouldn't be in my best interests.

The few times that I have ever cried infront of her, T has said that it makes her feel she wants to run over and give me a hug. Twice she has come over and hugged and comforted me and a couple of other times she has just let me cry and compose myself again.

I understand about not all body psychotherapists using touch, it depends on the client's situation. And that was kind of cool that he was hugging you in his mind! I guess what I meant to say is that I've experienced that body psychotherapists have been more comfortable with touch than other more traditional therapists.