[tinyrabbit]

I could swear that, last week, my T said: "I can't let you get comfortable, or you'll get stuck. I'm not just trying to keep you coming back forever so you'll pay me." I said: "I know - you do have lots of other clients." And he said: "Darn, you noticed them!"

My T doesn't remember this conversation. I had referred to it in an email and he told me yesterday that he was confused because he wouldn't have said that. He told me he's fine with me getting comfortable, that it's a good thing. How weird is that.

I don't think I looked back and remembered it wrong, as I remember thinking about what he said at the time and I remember where we both were in the room and exactly what he said and how. I figure maybe I misheard or misunderstood. Or maybe he said it because of some sort of counter transference and then forgot.

But it just goes to show that you can experience something totally differently to your T. I am currently getting a little freaked out by how much seems to be down to perception or the unconscious.

[Nelliecat]

Hi Tinyrabbit, my problem is that I tend to not remember anything

But yes, it's sometimes quite shocking just how much is said that can be misconstrued, twisted, turned on it's head, forgotten.

Although, with many clients and us just focusing on ourselves and our own session I do sometimes wonder if and how T's remember everything

[Wren_]

It's very easy to do and also hard to know who is right when it happens. Did t say what we thought or did we mishear or was it a mixup of another kind. One thing I've found is that even when T has emailed I've confused what was said and been sure he said something that gave it a negative context; then later read back and found I was wrong and what I thought he'd said never happened. at least there I had something to look back on though.

Doesn't just work that way either; I know i've said things to T's in the past that they have remembered very differently to what I've said. Part of why it's good to talk when we feel hurt by something and work out if what we are feeling hurt by even happened

[tinyrabbit]

Yep, it's definitely good to talk about it. If I hadn't, I would never have found that he thinks getting comfortable is a good thing.

Or maybe I imagined THAT conversation!

[stopdog]

I started taping appointments. Finding out I was not wrong in what I remembered versus the therapist made me feel less crazy. The one I see has the worst memory of anyone I have ever met who does not have an actual diagnosis of dementia.

[Anne2.0]

I have experienced that sometimes it is not about the words either one of us have used, but about the impression or the meaning of those words. Once my T finished a session by telling me that I was "taking big risks." I can't remember what topics that session I was discussing, but I certainly hadn't made any big changes in my life or relationships or work or parenting. I wasn't engaging in risky behavior like . . . well, we all know what that can entail, and that has never been cautious me. Next session, I asked him what he meant by that, and he didn't remember saying it. But he did say that what he was trying to communicate was that I was opening up in therapy itself, letting him see more of myself, engaging in deeper introspection. Not at all what I connected with his words.

I also find that he remembers what I say much better than I remember it.

[unaluna]

This is almost a running joke in my therapy. It's like my t doesn't remember anything but I have a phonographic memory and could play back a session word by word. I think he is just in the habit of denying he ever said anything, cheating husband style! He does remember stuff about me, tho.

I think sometimes for me T remembers what he meant to say.... and I remember what I heard him say...

not sure either of us is 100% correct if we had a recording of the conversation...

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I think sometimes for me T remembers what he meant to say.... and I remember what I heard him say...

Next time I remember something differently from my T I'm going to ask if he thinks this is the case!

[Sannah]

I was on a homeowners association board once and at the meeting we were planning the annual homeowners meeting and we discussed getting snacks. I sent an email around about it afterwards and 1/2 the people remembered that we said no snacks and 1/2 remembered that we said yes to snacks. I couldn't believe it.

I also don't think that one conversation about anything is enough to be understood. I have seen over and over again where someone else or I will explain something and it is not understood until a second conversation occurs.

Such is communication..........

My T doesn't always remember things she says. I think I am going to start recording our conversations, because I'm just as bad at remembering things she or I have said. An interesting side note though is that my t also tells me quite often that it isn't unusual for t/clients who are working so closely together like we are to pick up unconscious stuff from the other. I've out of the blue said things before that she will then say I was just thinking about that or had a dream about that or whatever. Most recently, yesterday I told her about turning in my application/essays/supervisor recommendations for a training program at work, and she asked how I was feeling about taking that step, the whole "where do you feel it in your body" thing, and I felt butterflies in my tummy, but discovered they were excited/happy butterflies. She then shared with me that that morning, she had come across a silver filagree butterfly that she had forgotten she had, and said that whole synchronicity thing again, that her finding the butterfly yesterday morning was preparing her for my session. Interesting stuff eh?