T's offer

I was talking with my T yesterday about how I feel like I won't be able to open up to another T (in refrence to my marriage T). We see him for the second time on Monday and I am just not looking forward to it. So, I kind of jokingly asked again, why T couldn't be our MT and he said it wouldn't be fair to my H, and it probably would be bad for our theraputic relationshipship. I am used to T being my advocate, and he said he would have to step back from that and be more equal

So, as a compromise T offered to sit in on our marriage T appointments.. He says he has done that before. I am not sure what I think about it. H said if that is what I need, that we could. However, that would mean, we would be paying for marriage T, and my regular T.. and I doubt H would be go for that part, lol! Anybody ever do this??

I have no experience with MC but I think it is very nice of your T to offer...

I wonder how MC would feel about that? I could probably see it as helpful if after going to MC for a while if I thought MC was being too one sided or maybe too "weird" that I would appreciate another opinion.

I love the idea (theorectically, I understand the difficulty with doubling the price). I love it enough I'm going to think about it even though it is expensive

I would find it very odd to have two therapists in a room with me or me and another person. I could not keep track of all the dynamics and that would increase my anxiety. Of course, I do not see the therapist as "my advocate" and do not really see what the second therapist would be doing there except bringing in another person one has to be ready to defend against. Also, I would be worried about it seeming like there were factions or one side ganging up on the other parties.
So I would not consider for me.
Healed - what would the one you see individually be doing while there? I guess I don't see how his presence would be useful. Would he talk while there or just observe and then talk to you about it?

I'm curious to the answer that the therapist woudl give. I think your concerns are good ones and should be addressed.

What I envision as helpful is for them to SEE the dynamics of what is going on in order to be more helpful to me, but perhaps I am naive.

I remember one time I role played my former therapist and the T role-played me. It was incredibly enlightening to him, although every thing I did playing my former T were things I had told him. I imagine it would be even more helpful if he saw the real thing, rather than my interpretation of what former T said to me.

I would expect the T would just observe, and not interfere with the other T's work. Or perhaps if he sees his client getting upset offering some grounding suggestion to his client. But his role would be very limited.

Perhaps a less intrusive way to do this is to record (audio and/or video) a session for the other to see.

But perhaps my "envisioning" is way off and that isn't what happens. I'm curious.

I've been in a room with two therapists and liked both of them but feeling I had that much focus on me, that was not comfortable for me. Too, your T sitting there, would not be talking at all/must, as that is the marriage therapist's role, and I'd be distracted, wondering what T was thinking. I would see if you could try to get closer to your husband instead of worrying about the therapist and talking to them so much? Since your husband said he'd be willing to help you by letting your regular T be in the room, I'd look to him for a bit of help with the marriage counselor, assume he won't let them beat up on you or anything

IDK, it seems kind of weird...
I do get why he can't be your MT but this? How is this better? What would he be doing there? Acting silently as your support? Cause otherwise it doesn't seem fair- you'd be having a T on your side, your H wouldn't (or the MT would take his side to make it even).
I thought the function of MT is that he/she is impartial and you two have someone who listens to you both and finding the middle rode (without taking side).
Plus, as you've mentioned, the additional payment...

I haven't actually done this - yet - but I envision if my therapist accompanied me to somewhere, he could be my support without "taking my side." I had a very horrible rupture with my prior therapist. I've told him things that I KNOW are ethical violations. I've told him things I think he doesn't/wouldn't approve of. I also know that he sees the prior therapist as another flawed person who was hijacked by her own demons. He's not excusing some of the things, and is very sympathetic to my experience, but he can have empathy for her and me at the same time. And that's okay with me. It's actually easier - then I can say the nastiest things that come to mind and know that I am not turning him against someone, or that he will feed my anger instead of helping me deal wtih my feelings. I would feel badly about that, especially since they are colleagues. And the truth is, the hurt I have is because of my demons, not direclty because of what SHE DID. And we focus on that, not on what she should or shouldn't have done and how awful it was (and it was awful!!!).

So I can see a personal T showing up at marriage T and being supportive without taking sides. Of course, I've not tried it. And I imagine the risk is there and some therapists couldn't pull it off.

I think that in this case my T would really only be there for moral support.. Not necessairly to do the talking if that makes sense. I mean, I was literally starting to have a panic attack on Friday as we were talking about out upcoming appointment with with MT.. And the fear is that I am not going to be able to open up and talk about all of the real issues with this T. So, just to have my regualr T there with me maybe just once or twice until I get used to MT.. I don't know.. I told my T that we will see how Monday's appointment goes.

I hope Monday's appointment goes well for you.

good luck healed... I say do what you think is best.