T doesn't care.

I got the courage to really open up to T last session; i told her my s/h was getting worse and I didn't know how to cope anymore. I told her I felt like I needed to see my doctor and get put on medication. I also said to her that I feel like I am falling and asked her for her advice/support.

She basically told me I needed to get out of this cycle myself (if i knew how to do that i wouldnt be so stuck) also, that medication was not the answer and I should just learn to meditate. I just don't know what to do, it feels like everything I do is wrong with her because I can't meditate and she's a fan of it and that I shouldn't go to the doctor. That's it. No empathy; instead she was fascinated about a neighbour outside and what he was doing in his garden.

She slammed the door behind me after I left.

In all the years I've committed to her, I finally realised she just doesn't care about me, which is fine because I don't care about myself anyway.

That may be one of the saddest T stories I've ever read. Please, I beg of you, do not take this on as being true. You are worth something. You DESERVE to have someone pay attention to you can care about you. All humans do.

What this T did was horrible. Dismissing you like that without validating your feelings is wrong. Especially over something as sensitive as S/H.

I am so very sorry for you. Please run, don't walk, to another T. One who shows you the empathy, kindness and professionalism you deserve.

Hugs
Bub

You deserve better than what you got. I think you should have been supported in your desire to get medical help. There's nothing worse than feeling so low and vulnerable and having it completely invalidated by a therapist with this kind of behavior.

what is the problem you want to medicate? Maybe she honestly believes it would not help and doesn't want you to go down the road of trying this pill and that pill and another pill added to deal with side effects... when she know it's in your power to deal with it.

I am so sorry this happened to you. My T would say that T needs to go back to T school pronto!!!

You deserve a better healer to work with.

To ignore your request for seeing a doctor to get more help is really terrible and irresponsible. It is also not okay for her to hurt you like that and leave you hanging without the help you want. And for her to push her own pet ideas on you is also not okay.

Like others have said, you deserve better. First why not start out with going to a doctor to see if medication can start helping you right away. Then start looking for a different therapist. Start off right away with telling them what happened so they know right away what you are dealing with and if they are anything like that themselves they'll suggest some else. Or ask the doctor for referrals when you ask for medication. Either way you deserve way better and can find it too. It's still horrible, but the important thing is to keep moving on as best as you can. Just because they are therapist does not mean they are right. This one sounds very bad to me.

((((Hugs)))) Recto, this is heartbreaking. I think your t should be ashamed of herself. SHe has no business being a t if she treats people like that, sounds to me like she has detached- maybe from all of her clients.
You were crying out for some love and understanding or at the lest empathy and got nothing in return. I know you deserve better, someone who will listen to your needs and help you cope with your SH. Can you even consider a new T?

Hi Wrecked,
I'm so sorry this happened! I agree with everyone else you deserve much better! She shouldn't have said you shouldn't go to the doctor to get meds, that's so unprofesional. And if you don't want to do meditation she shouldn't force that on you either or say that you need to do this all yourself. Everyone needs help! If you could have fixed this yourself you would have.
Please go to the doctor about meds if you feel that's something you want to try. And then I'd start looking for someone else who has a lot more empathy, and who isn't looking out the window at their neighbors when she's in session, or slamming doors!

That sounds soooo painful. You've committed a lot of years with her, and then realized she doesn't care about you, and you dont' care about yourself either. <sigh> I'm guessing that hurts a lot. Is that it?

I know how difficult it is to fathom finding another T, but I do hope that you at least interview a few people. You need to know that there ARE people out there who can help you, even though you may not think so. Therapy doesn't have to be this way, it doesn't have to be painful in this way, it does not appear to be helping you and in fact, it appears to be harming you.

Telling you that you need to get out of the cycle yourself must have felt really painful, it sounded as if your T was saying that your illness is a cycle that you got into, so now you must get yourself out. To me, it sounds like she is saying that you don't have the will power to get yourself out of a mental illness. This attitude/these statements feed your self-hatred. Your T appears to be colluding with your self-destructive side.

I think the saddest part in quite a few of our posts here on PC is that we become so attached to our therapists that we disregard the part of us that is wise and knows what we need to heal. I was in this position myself. I am concerned about you and hope that you can find it in you to find a therapist that is a better fit for you. You say you have committed so many years to this therapist, and my wish for you is to start committing your time to healing YOU. You can stay with this therapist and continue to be in pain, or you can be in pain without her and find someone who will validate your feelings, accept you as you are, and help you find your own voice instead of imposing her own on you. You are worthy. You deserve to be healed and to have someone who knows how to heal you in the most respectful, kind, and empathic way. I believe in you, YOU can do this. Keep posting

This is truly awful, and I'm so sorry it happened.

I don't want to sound invalidating and I believe every word you have written, but I am wondering if she said anything else. I know that when I come out of a session feeling uncared for, feeling terrible, I sometimes later realize that I had only 'heard' and/or only remembered some of what was said, the parts that hurt me. Is it possible that she was at all encouraging at some point(s) during the session? Or had useful suggestions aside from meditating? Did she explain any further as to why she thinks medication might not be right for you? Of course maybe she wasn't and didn't, but I'm just putting it out there in case you can remember other things that you might be blocking out at the moment. If I'm way off, sorry, and again I can understand how badly you feel. I hope you know, though, that what you took from this session doesn't mean you're doing things wrong or you're not trying the best you can to cope.

She sounds very un-t-like. Has it ever been good with her? If so, then maybe you could talk to her about what you heard and saw from her in session. But if she's always been this way, then you need to find another T. T's should be empathic and supportive, gently suggesting, not telling you what to do/not do. You deserve to be treated with respect, and it does not sound like she can do this.

Okay, this is just wrong. The therapist should be the coach and support of you - not dictate the terms of what you want to do. Seriously, if you think medication will help, she should be on board with that.

Who knows, medication might HELP YOU TO MEDITATE.

I'm not sure though it means she doesn't care about you, I think it just means about this issue she is rather, well, stupid and ill-informed.

Your choice of course, and it won't be easy, but I would do what you thought best for yourself.

She is either on board with that or not.

I think she will get on board actually.

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense.