I destroy everything I come in contact with. I am like a toxic mess. How can therapy help me with this problem?

[content30]

A good therapist will help you change your thought processes and your black and white thinking. No one ruins everything, including you, and everyone makes mistakes!

[Paige008]

I've felt like this for so long and so many times in between.

Therapy does help you though. It helps you to realize that maybe everything that you think is your fault and that you've ruined, that it wasn't your fault or you weren't entirely to blame. If you were, a therapist can help you work past that guilt and shame and you can try to accept what has happened.

It also sounds like, maybe, you need someone to care about you even if you are feeling like a 'toxic mess' or a destroyer. A therapist can be that source of support and compassion --- even at times when you feel you deserve none of it.

[likelife]

I used to think of myself as a reverse Midas - everything I touched turned to sh it. I think what helped was allowing myself to experience myself in a different way in T. My T has been adamant that she did not see me in the same way I saw myself. I trusted her, little by little, which meant needing to change my self-perception too. Not that everything is sunshine and roses now, but it's a whole lot better.

Conjure up a thought of the most extremely positive thing you can. (I'm picturing a world in which no one gets hurt, my actions are all carried out with good will, etc.). It's kinda hard to believe, right? I think the same is true for extreme negativity. There's just no way, statistically, for that to be possible. I'm willing to bet my first and second born that you don't ruin and destroy everything.

[Shiny Things]

I believe if you have enough power to ruin everything, you have power.

Your T hopefully will help you harness that power to your goals of future goodness.

That's my goal. I am struggling to find my goodness.

is this a form of self sabatoge?

Originally Posted by content30

A good therapist will help you change your thought processes and your black and white thinking. No one ruins everything, including you, and everyone makes mistakes!

Thanks. I will talk this over with my therapist. I do have very black and white thinking sometimes.

Originally Posted by Paige008

I've felt like this for so long and so many times in between.

Therapy does help you though. It helps you to realize that maybe everything that you think is your fault and that you've ruined, that it wasn't your fault or you weren't entirely to blame. If you were, a therapist can help you work past that guilt and shame and you can try to accept what has happened.

It also sounds like, maybe, you need someone to care about you even if you are feeling like a 'toxic mess' or a destroyer. A therapist can be that source of support and compassion --- even at times when you feel you deserve none of it.

I'm sorry that you struggle with this too. It is such an awful feeling. I do need to deeply discuss this with my therapist.

Originally Posted by likelife

I used to think of myself as a reverse Midas - everything I touched turned to sh it. I think what helped was allowing myself to experience myself in a different way in T. My T has been adamant that she did not see me in the same way I saw myself. I trusted her, little by little, which meant needing to change my self-perception too. Not that everything is sunshine and roses now, but it's a whole lot better.

Conjure up a thought of the most extremely positive thing you can. (I'm picturing a world in which no one gets hurt, my actions are all carried out with good will, etc.). It's kinda hard to believe, right? I think the same is true for extreme negativity. There's just no way, statistically, for that to be possible. I'm willing to bet my first and second born that you don't ruin and destroy everything.

That makes sense. It does seem that I am mired in extreme negativity. I need to look at some positive things and try to change my thinking.

Originally Posted by Shiny Things

I believe if you have enough power to ruin everything, you have power.

Your T hopefully will help you harness that power to your goals of future goodness.

That's my goal. I am struggling to find my goodness.

That is a good goal. To find our goodness.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

is this a form of self sabatoge?

Yes. I think it is. A way to stay stuck in the familiar and not move on to the scary, new territory of healing.

[Paige008]

Originally Posted by roseleigh7

Yes. I think it is. A way to stay stuck in the familiar and not move on to the scary, new territory of healing.

Healing is definitely scary. It is everything we don't know. I sometimes wonder if I'll be the same person that I am if I don't have my 'baggage' or if I won't be anything. Staying stuck comes without any expectation and no chance of failure and, after everything people go through in life, those seem like pretty good odds if you haven't had the best life. We don't gain anything though and we miss out on a lot. I'm definitely not in a healing place yet, but I really, really, hope to be one day. I think knowing that you're stuck is half the battle...definitely.

Originally Posted by roseleigh7

Yes. I think it is. A way to stay stuck in the familiar and not move on to the scary, new territory of healing.

We may be kindred spirits... I always say I bring the funk to disfunctional!

[Silent Void]

Rose, I'm in the same club. Everything I touch, look at, talk to turns to ****.

I've got the King Poopis touch.

All either of us can do is keep moving forward.

I'm sending you positive vibes.