T won't let me leave...?

Whenever I speak about terminating, my T goes very strange, almost annoyed. She makes me feel like I'm doing it wrong if I'm not 'getting what I need".

I tried to bring it up recently but she said it would be a shame to leave at this point (?) and that it wouldn't be a good time to leave, but I can't make any further progress with her. She is a kind person and I don't want to upset her.

She is a body therapist, so midway in a conversation, she will stop me speaking to 'get out of my head' to get on the coach for massage which shuts me up everytime so whenever I try to talk and get upset, its always time to get on the coach. Massages always stop my speaking because of the physiology and they are designed to calm you. (Although she knows about SA but still touches me on my butt, near my chest etc which makes me squirm!)

I do want to leave, the first time in 7 years; but it's almost like she won't let me go. I couldn't just not turn up but she would call me and she knows my address. And I always panic when I find a message on our answering machine!

Sorry to rant about nothing, I just hope there is a way to end this properly .

wow, seems like she needs you there more than you need her. She is not hearing you. if she doesn't agree to terminate, don't wait for her to agree. There is no rule that says you have to have her approval to terminate. simply don't show up for the next appointment and cancel ahead of time. Don't be available to take her calls if that would tempt you to go back. find someone to support you while you make the termination. Sounds like she is definitely overstepping her professional boundaries. wish you didn't have to be dealing with this. take care. meisjes.

That sounds a little wierd. I too have body psychotherapy as you know but never end up on coach unless I have initiated it. Even then she is very careful where to touch and checks out frequently if I am ok, how I feel etc. yes she is always encouraging me to get out of my head but more in a 'where are you feeling that, what does it need' rather than ever telling me what to do. In fact our sessions rarely involve biodynamic massage and when it does, it's really not relaxing for me!
It does sound like she might be trying to make you stay in the moment and not run away from things. Only you know if you are running away or avoiding stuff or if its really time to leave. If so it sounds like you are going to have to be quite forceful. Do people listen to you in rl or do you let yourself get talked into stuff normally?
Good luck with this, it sounds really hard, but if you don't want to get on that couch don't! And as for knowing your address, apart from maybe a phone all checking you are ok ethically I don't think she can do anything. Hope this all makes sense, it just sounds a little wierd to me.

Have you told her how upset the massages makes you?
I cannot imagine ever being comfortable with my T giving my massages in the middle of my sessions (I hate massages, never am comfortable and frankly, it's not my goal to be, have more pressing matters on my plate). I have no experience with a body T but I think your reaction is understandable and can't see why your T won't respect that.
She doesn't listen to your needs so you need to spell it out for her. I want to quit and don't care what you (i.e. T) need. She may be nice as a person but from what you've written here she is not a good T for you.

I agree that your therapist just isn't listening, plus it sounds like she needs YOU more than you need her!

Call and leave a message that you are terminating your therapy with her. Then just do not show up for the next appointment. If she calls, don't accept the call. If you don't have call waiting, then if you do pick up the phone and it's her, hang up.

I hope you find a new therapist that you feel more comfortable with. I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Sometimes it just doesn't go the way we plan. When I "fired" my pdoc she started crying. Oh man, I could not get out of that office quick enough. Totally did not expect that response.

If I were you, I would go find another T with a style you thought would help you better and then give your T a couple weeks notice. A fait accompli would solve most of your problems?

The first thing I think of is two possibilties.
1. She doesn't want you to go.
2. She thinks you shouldn't go.

If it's the first one, then that's unhealthy and you should go.
If it's the second one, it means that she thinks her opinion of what you need is more important than you discovering for yourself what you need.
Perhaps that's too simplified. sometimes I can be a little binary.

I wonder if it's possible to tell her you want to take a break (1 month? 3 months?) to see if she's right, and if so, then you'll come back better able to engage because you won't be fighting this issue of whether you should continue to come.

or perhaps put increasing distance between meetings to see how you feel. If you go once/week, then go every other week, and then every third until it just peters out.

I suspect this happens all the time in terminating.

Have you tried calling and telling her you are not coming back and also telling her not to contact you? Or you don't have to listen to her message or pick up when she calls. You could even write her a letter (not email) and tell her rather than call- I would include the part about do not contact you any more if it were me.

This is not right. Seven years and she doesn't connect to you the right way? Panic when you get voicemail from her?

I would leave, pronto.

Wow! That must have been so uncomfortable

I think my T will just get upset and slam the door after me again!

wow she touches you? sounds really unethical.

To me it sounds as though your t has become a little too attached to you and as for her touching you, it is unethical but you have been working together for seven years, why is this just an issue for you now? I am just guessing here, but is it because she won't let you leave and this is your way of resisting her?
Resisting her touch because you don't want it anymore and think you can manage on your own? A good t would be thrilled that she did her job and helped the client through their issues and would be delighted to know they did their job.

She is a body psychotherapist, which means she incorporates massage into the sessions. I know, I found it pretty weird to! Its called biodynmanic massage - the belief that the body remembers what the mind tries to forget.

There is an ethical framework for these type of T's that use this type of massage.

Take care

if you can't make any more progress with her then it is time to leave. also, it is not your job to take care of her emotions. she is a T so she is more than equipped to handle you leaving.

this sounds rather unethical. since when does any type of professional T touch a person on their butt? honestly, this T sounds manipulative to me and if i were you i would not go back but just leave a phone message or send an email quitting. email would probably be the easiest way and i agree that you should tell her not to contact you again when you do terminate. i do get a sense you are being taken advantage of here especially with an abuse background.

you know what you want. you just need to work up your courage to terminate with her. it is definitely okay to do it in a way that is easy for you. her reaction and emotions are for her--not you--to deal with.

this is not nothing. my guess is she will probably try to talk you out of leaving no matter what way you go about it. i think the important thing is to take care of yourself here and just leave and not worry about what she thinks. she is acting inappropriately as far as i can tell. please take care and trust your gut on this. if something strikes you as weird or off then it probably is.