Showing compassion to T

I missed a opportunity to show my T compassion . Today in session she told me shortly about her past abuse to relate, and I just got foggy and I couldnt say anything. Then i couldnt recoup and by that time she had went on to a different subject. What can I do to show her compassion so she wont think im an insensative person. Should I apologize or just try to make it up in another way? I feel horrible.

I'm sure she is fine with it..or she shouldn't have used it as an opening for you to use in therapy. It isn't our job to take care of our Ts...however, I know you are sensitive to how you responded.

Why not tell her so in the next session? I think that could become therapeutic for you, too

I personally would just tell her you were sad for her and at a loss for words in THAT session but wanted her to know how sorry you are she had to deal with that and thank her for sharing

((((((((((( EV))))))))))))

I've been in the exact same place.

The next visit, I explained that I wanted him to know that I heard what was said but it wasn't processed until later because of my mind...then I stated my thoughts. It was appreciated.

I'm sure your t was fine with it.

KD

Ive had many therapists that tell me a piece or two about things they went through if its in context with what we are discussing about me

for example When I was diagnosed with cancer my therapist at that time let me know that she was a 7 year cancer survivor and that cancer is not always a death sentence like it used to be when I had family members die from various cancers.

Just knowing she had been there opened the door for me to fully explore and understand what was happening to me and what I was going through with all the tests and so on.

This therapist wasn't just any old therapist saying things because she had learned in her training what to say and ask and so on.

This was a therapist that had been where I was at that moment and was teaching by example.

Don't get me wrong therapists in general are great but it does make a difference when I have one willing to disclose a part of their self in context to what I am going through that opens so many more doors.

I don't have to think about "if I say this she's going to think that" or be afraid that if I ask a guestion the therapist is going to hem and haw and double talk because they don't want me to know the down sides for fear of my creating more problems or my being more afraid and so on.

the first time this happened it was a therapist that told me she was an alcoholic. She hadn't hit the bottle for years. I was floored. The alcoholics that I knew were mean drunks so I thought No my therapist an alcoholic no no way. She's lying. I know saying that to her was not the right thing to do so I kept quiet and She saw my disbelief anyway and pulled out her coins, (some places call them chips, and medalions) that say how long she had made it without a drink.

I told her I didn't know what to say. she started laughing and told me she didn't tell me that to have me say anything to her.

She told me that to have me think about my perception of what and who alcoholics were.

I told her I thought therapists werent supposed to tell their clients stuff about them and she told me it depends on how the therapist discloses and why.

Sometimes it helps the clients to know their therapist is not superman and wonderwoman - unstopable and untouchable by human experiences, and when I hear a therapist disclosing something of them self I should not always say something right away but instead mull it over and see if there is a connection or side of that issue that I have missed in me that the therapist is trying to point out to me,

it could be that I was feeling alone, or clamming up on the therapist because I thought she would not understand, or the issue was so big that there needed to be some neutral common ground in order to work into starting to talk about the topic.

So now when I first see a therapist during the first few sessions I get a look at the office and see if there are any personal items and so on - pictures, knick knacks and so on that will give me an idea of who my therapist is and some of her experiences. Then I put a personal question out there just to see if the therapist will answer it. That way I know right away if this therapist is the kind that teaches through personal example kind of thing.

LL my present therapist was very confusing though. There were knick knacks and personal pictures but when I posed a question she gave me the standard - I don't answer personal questions we are here to talk about you kind of thing - she had the personal items out for display and make the room comfortable and homey but yet stiff as a board it just didn't fit together.

Because of that confliction I decided to side with the stiff with potentail attitude about LL.

Until that got blown out of the water. During depression management class she jumped right in with the class members and taught by example of personal situation with in context with the topic of the day.

The reason for the conflicting information - years ago she was very open even gave out home numbers and so on but then her work ended up following her home and so she didn't have a down time. It felt like she was at work 24 hours a day so now she is much more careful of what information she discloses and how she dos so. That way her personal time remains non work down time.

you don't necessarily HAVE to say anything but if you WANT to Just telling her you heard what she said and are glad that she trusted you with that information goes a long way with therapists.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
myself said: you don't necessarily HAVE to say anything but if you WANT to Just telling her you heard what she said and are glad that she trusted you with that information goes a long way with therapists.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> good point.

Thanks Sky.

thanks everyone. i think it will help me repair the damage i did by going blank.