[sunrise]

My mother is 89 and seems down lately, sleeping a lot, feels no purpose anymore, seems to be searching for meaning in her present, somewhat circumscribed life. She feels useless. I'm not sure how to help. Would it help her to go to a therapist? Are there therapists who specialize in helping people at this stage of life? I'm not sure what she needs. Maybe I need to go see someone in order to learn how better to help her. I'm not sure who that would be. Maybe I can learn that from a book (suggestions?) But can she? Just not sure where to turn. I don't really know her insurance situation, but does medical coverage at this age cover therapy?

She does see a psychiatrist, but only about every 3 months, if that. She likes the psychiatrist quite a bit and I wish she would tell him what's going on. When she first started with him, she saw him more frequently and would report to me on their conversations, which seemed to give her pleasure--it sounded therapeutic to me. I wish she would go now instead of waiting another month for her regular appointment. My mom is very passive when it comes to health care, thinking that doctors know best and one must obey and not question them. She would see asking for an earlier appointment as going against and questioning her psychiatrist's expertise and judgment, so would never do that. Likewise, she may not be able to bring up these concerns when she sees him. I told her that her psychiatrist would be very interested to hear of her recent sleep problem and asked if she would be able to tell him that next time. She replied that he usually asks her a number of questions, so it might come up. But unless he asks specifically about this, he won't get told.

Over here we have psychologists that specialise in older people. They are called geropsychologists. If you are in the US then I have no idea.

[hannabee]

Is it possible for you to talk with the therapist before the appointment? You could let him know what has been going on. If not, maybe you could encourage your Mom to make a list of things she would like to discuss with him, or would she let you send a note with her to the appointment? Here's a link that does say that Medicare covers therapy: Does Medicare Cover Mental Health Care? Good luck and give your Mom a BIG kiss for me. It is soooo cool that you are so concerned with her happiness!

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by sunrise

My mother is 89 and seems down lately, sleeping a lot, feels no purpose anymore, seems to be searching for meaning in her present, somewhat circumscribed life. She feels useless. I'm not sure how to help. Would it help her to go to a therapist? Are there therapists who specialize in helping people at this stage of life? I'm not sure what she needs. Maybe I need to go see someone in order to learn how better to help her. I'm not sure who that would be. Maybe I can learn that from a book (suggestions?) But can she? Just not sure where to turn. I don't really know her insurance situation, but does medical coverage at this age cover therapy?

She does see a psychiatrist, but only about every 3 months, if that. She likes the psychiatrist quite a bit and I wish she would tell him what's going on. When she first started with him, she saw him more frequently and would report to me on their conversations, which seemed to give her pleasure--it sounded therapeutic to me. I wish she would go now instead of waiting another month for her regular appointment. My mom is very passive when it comes to health care, thinking that doctors know best and one must obey and not question them. She would see asking for an earlier appointment as going against and questioning her psychiatrist's expertise and judgment, so would never do that. Likewise, she may not be able to bring up these concerns when she sees him. I told her that her psychiatrist would be very interested to hear of her recent sleep problem and asked if she would be able to tell him that next time. She replied that he usually asks her a number of questions, so it might come up. But unless he asks specifically about this, he won't get told.

Hi Sunrise,

At the hospital where I work there is a 'geriatric psychiatrist' so they do exist. That said, you'd probably have to look into a major academic hospital to find one, but I think it really may be worth it. Ideally the psychiatrist would also do at least some supportive therapy. I wouldn't be surprised if there aren't therapists that specialize, at least partially, in the geriatric population, I'd research it. Good luck!

[2or3things]

Just want to chime in that I think it really can make a difference. After his wife's death--which would have been difficult enough--my mid-70's father-in-law suffered two serious illnesses at the same time. For a while, he really did seem to give up on life, and we were all very concerned. While he was hospitalized for his illnesses, my partner connected with hospital staff to share her concerns. He ended up speaking with a therapist, and fairly soon his outlook improved greatly. In fact, facing what he had to face after his illnesses, I was completely amazed with how much he turned around.

Best of luck to you, Sunrise. I think just looking into it should help you, and it certainly can't hurt your mom.

A therapist I saw mentioned that he had an 85 year old client. It's not unheard of for regular Ts to see older patients. I think therapy can be of benefit even later in life.

Hope you find a way to help your mother feel better about things

[sunrise]

Thanks for the ideas, everyone. I think it would be good if I could talk to my Mom's psychiatrist. I'll mention this to her and see what she thinks. Ths list idea is also a good one. She keeps a list of things to talk about with her GP but seemed to balk when I suggested yesterday that she have a list for her psychiatrist too, responding with that "he asks me questions" line, as if she can't bring things up too. I'll try pushing a little harder. It seems like my Mom's psychiatrist would be a good gateway to finding a therapist, or maybe he would reconsider the frequency of his appointments with my Mom and see her more frequently. I guess I've been worried that since he is a psychiatrist, he would just give her more meds, and I think her concerns go beyond that. What can she do in her life now to find more meaning?

Thanks, Hannabee, for the information on Medicare.

I would like my mom to have professional help but I also wonder what more I could be doing to help her find meaning in life.

Thanks 2or3things, for sharing the story of your father. It sounds kind of similar to my mom. I appreciate hearing a positive story of therapy for this age group.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Thanks for the ideas, everyone. I think it would be good if I could talk to my Mom's psychiatrist. I'll mention this to her and see what she thinks. Ths list idea is also a good one. She keeps a list of things to talk about with her GP but seemed to balk when I suggested yesterday that she have a list for her psychiatrist too, responding with that "he asks me questions" line, as if she can't bring things up too. I'll try pushing a little harder. It seems like my Mom's psychiatrist would be a good gateway to finding a therapist, or maybe he would reconsider the frequency of his appointments with my Mom and see her more frequently. I guess I've been worried that since he is a psychiatrist, he would just give her more meds, and I think her concerns go beyond that. What can she do in her life now to find more meaning?

Thanks, Hannabee, for the information on Medicare.

I would like my mom to have professional help but I also wonder what more I could be doing to help her find meaning in life.

Thanks 2or3things, for sharing the story of your father. It sounds kind of similar to my mom. I appreciate hearing a positive story of therapy for this age group.

Yes there are therapists that specialize in working with elders. And, as for what you can do----you are doing it I think, unless there are things you can do with your grandmother that she would enjoy but not be able or willing to do alone....going some place...what were her interests?

[ECHOES]

for your mom and for you helping your mom I hope she feels better soon.

[liveforfish]

Is she physically active? She could visit the senior center in your town. Many senior centers have activities for social time. I bet it would give her a sense of purpose to interact and help others.

People need a reason to live... A new spark of hope , a feeling of accomplishment... Get her active in church or with a charity , lunch groups, support groups... There are many things out there.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by winter4me

And, as for what you can do----you are doing it I think, unless there are things you can do with your grandmother that she would enjoy but not be able or willing to do alone....going some place...what were her interests?

My sister and I have both been trying to think of such things. She says "no" to suggestions. A while back, I had offered to take her on a road trip to the town she used to live in as a child, and this had seemed to interest her, but now, not so much. And she doesn't want to go visit another family member a few hours away. I suggested she put together some photos and mementos in an album, so that these are not lost, and so that we (her family) understood her past and life more, her history, etc. I offered to help, so we could do it together, if it is too hard for her--she has some cognitive impairment, memory loss, etc. It could be a social activity for us, and at the same time give her some purpose in leaving her history behind for her family so it is not lost. But she didn't exactly light up at this idea.

Originally Posted by liveforfish

Is she physically active? She could visit the senior center in your town. Many senior centers have activities for social time. I bet it would give her a sense of purpose to interact and help others.

She lives in her own apartment in a residential center for seniors. There are many activities. She's been there about 9 months. She has made one friend there. She's just been sleeping a lot lately, not wanting to do much. She does an exercise class a few times a week and goes out walking by herself. I do think if she were involved in helping others, that would be good, but I'm not sure what it would be. It would have to be something she could do with her current mental skills, and something that she could get to on her own. The center provides transportation to residents' doctors' appointments, but not to social events, volunteering, church, etc., unless it is organized by the center, and I have not heard of them having organized volunteering.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

People need a reason to live... A new spark of hope , a feeling of accomplishment... Get her active in church or with a charity , lunch groups, support groups... There are many things out there.

I'm looking for what that reason to live might be... Not sure how to go about the "get her active" idea. How do I do that? There are so many activities to choose from at the center. If she isn't choosing them, then what? She seems worse since losing the use of her car a few months ago. Now she can't drive herself anywhere, so she is "stuck" at the center. A loss of freedom. For so long, before moving to the center, she took care of my Dad, but once he died, that role of caretaker ended, and a year later she moved to the center. She isn't needed by anyone in the same way now. I thought maybe the album idea would make her feel needed, but that bombed.

Everyone has had good suggestions, and I'm not meaning to be rejecting of them, although it must look that way. I just feel she's worse than before, more down, and not doing the activities she used to and not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. I'm not sure how to help. She said today she's worried she might live another 10 years.

[Perna]

I would maybe talk to her GP or have her talk to her GP about her sleep problems, etc. and maybe her GP knows of a geriatric therapist or other programs she might enjoy? Therapy for Geriatric and Aging Issues

My library system had a seniors/grandchild sort of program where the seniors read to or did projects with kids. The "Senior Corps" http://www.seniorcorps.gov/about/programs/sc.asp has programs for younger seniors mostly, but maybe there's an idea that might help? I would kill to have memoirs, etc. from my grandparents; I know they have books one can fill out now, making it easier for an older person, is there some "project" like that which would be truly useful she might be able and interested in doing?

[pachyderm]

If you look at the pages of therapists, for instance the ones listed on Psych Central, or the Psychology Today Web site, you will find some that list interest in treating seniors...

[SallyBrown]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Thanks for the ideas, everyone. I think it would be good if I could talk to my Mom's psychiatrist. I'll mention this to her and see what she thinks. Ths list idea is also a good one. She keeps a list of things to talk about with her GP but seemed to balk when I suggested yesterday that she have a list for her psychiatrist too, responding with that "he asks me questions" line, as if she can't bring things up too. I'll try pushing a little harder. It seems like my Mom's psychiatrist would be a good gateway to finding a therapist, or maybe he would reconsider the frequency of his appointments with my Mom and see her more frequently. I guess I've been worried that since he is a psychiatrist, he would just give her more meds, and I think her concerns go beyond that. What can she do in her life now to find more meaning?

Thanks, Hannabee, for the information on Medicare.

I would like my mom to have professional help but I also wonder what more I could be doing to help her find meaning in life.

Thanks 2or3things, for sharing the story of your father. It sounds kind of similar to my mom. I appreciate hearing a positive story of therapy for this age group.

I heard an interesting story on the radio recently about just that, helping seniors find meaning in everyday life. Programs where seniors can help out at animal shelters seem to do really well. I know it's tough to get her transport to volunteer work, but maybe such a program exists or could be set up where your mom is. Does she like animals? Pets are hard work, but just a little volunteer work in exchange for cuddles with puppies might help her out.

[rainbow8]

Did you ask your T about your mother? I would think that would be the first step I would take if it were my Mom. Also, many Ts, including my own, list that they see seniors. GP's who specialize in geriatrics would also have suggestions. I would also make sure she doesn't have a new medical problem. I know that many people close to 90 and older lose their will to live, like my Dad did. But many don't! I hope you can get your Mom the help she needs.

[Perna]

Interesting questionnaire/study they did in the UK: Provision of psychotherapy services for older people

I've wondered if I will want therapy again, if/when my situation changes dramatically (illness/inability to care for myself, spouse dying, etc.).