[skysblue]

I know that therapists leave it up to client to make contact. They give us the choice. My T is usually responsive to texts (not always) and voicemails and she has initiated contact once when she believed I was sui. But other than that it's always up to me how much I make contact.

Well, imagine my surprise today when she asked me to let her know this weekend how a big event will go. She knows I'm facing a huge challenge and she actually requested to be informed how I manage. I am thrilled she made that request.

I would have let her know anyways but to receive the request has an importance that I hadn't realized until now.

[stopdog]

The one I see asked me to text her about something once. It was way too much pressure on me. And then she responded to my text which was even worse for me in having her intrude on my real life.

It is good if it is useful to you. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of importance?

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by stopdog

It is good if it is useful to you. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of importance?

coming out to my H and asking for divorce

[stopdog]

That is a giant step. Good luck with it.

[unaluna]

I'm glad she will be there to support you

So glad your therapist made sure to request for you let her know how it goes. I know how important it can be to feel you have that support and caring - especially at tough and challenging times. Hugs to you

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by hankster

I'm glad she will be there to support you

Yeah, she's been instrumental in helping me move away from self-disgust and self-repugnance. I was not able to accept this part of my identity for a long time - in fact refused to acknowledge it. It's been a long painful struggle. So much that I contemplated sui.

The proof that therapy works is that now I'm able to accept myself and be known to the world - to my H and my grown children. It's been a very tough road to travel and my T has been with me every step of the way.

I still have a bit of shame floating around but with T's help I will move firmly past that also.

I'm lucky also to have the support of my gf and 3 other good friends. I am lucky.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by skysblue

coming out to my H and asking for divorce

Yeah, that's the kind of major event that warrants her asking you to touch base! After something difficult like that I am glad you will be able to reach out a little.

[TheRealFDeal]

I am very jealous. I've never had a T ask me to update them in between sessions. It would be so affirming if they did.

Sky's blue,
That is a huge deal. Good for you to be finally comfortable with who you really are and have the courage to be honest with yourself. I wish you the best of luck with your new life. And t sounds amazing

I agree with button - your t does sound amazing!

What a great feeling to know that she wants to be included in something that's so important to you.

Bluey

[sconnie892]

I am glad for you. It is nice when I t requests contact from us. My t asked me to contact her after I had some medical testing done. It meant a lot to me to know she cared and was thinking of me outside of session.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I would have let her know anyways but to receive the request has an importance that I hadn't realized until now.

I love when that happens in/with T, shifting so you're in better alignment.

[Anne2.0]

What is kind of cool about her reaching out and asking for you to contact her after this big event is that there have been times in the past where you wished she would reach towards you a little more, and you felt sad that she hadn't.

So here it is happening, without your wishing or anything else.

Good luck with it. I'll be thinking positive thoughts of you that day.

[Paige008]

That is very good! What a great way for her to show care for you! I'm happy to hear that you had that experience!!

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

What is kind of cool about her reaching out and asking for you to contact her after this big event is that there have been times in the past where you wished she would reach towards you a little more, and you felt sad that she hadn't.

So here it is happening, without your wishing or anything else.

Good luck with it. I'll be thinking positive thoughts of you that day.

Anne, you are right. There have been times in which I have felt she hasn't reached out enough. I guess there is a huge human lesson in this. None, not one, of us is perfect. But somehow we expect our therapists to always do what we feel we need. As in any other relationship there has to be room for missteps, mistakes and missed connection.

Thanks for sending me positive thoughts. I think what I'm facing is one of the toughest things ever - just beneath dying on the list of anxiety producing experiences. That may be why my therapist is willing to step outside her typical 'boundary' box and offer herself.

I can understand why T's do not initiate or request contact between sessions. Sometimes we just must face our roiling emotions and practice getting to know them and managing them. If we felt we always had T to lean on as a regular day to day experience, we may never learn how to stand up on our own 2 feet.

I think a good T is one who knows how much and when to offer in-between session support. I am allowed (even encouraged) to leave voicemails and text my T. She will usually not reply unless requested. But many times she DOES reply to texts.

I imagine T's make their decisions about contact on an individual basis. My T knows I would never abuse the privilege. I am hyper alert to crossing boundaries and she has had to constantly reassure me that it's o.k. to text or call her. (we very seldom have telephone conversations - just me leaving voicemails)

Thats awesome
I love it when my t does that.

[rainbow8]

I agree that it's very meaningful when a T does something special for us like that, outside of the session, like asking us to contact them. We really ARE more than just a job to our T's. They DO think of us in between sessions. My T has told me that she does.

My sense of time is a little off. Did this event happen yet or is it this week-end? Good luck!!! I'll be thinking of you!!

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My sense of time is a little off. Did this event happen yet or is it this week-end? Good luck!!! I'll be thinking of you!!

Tomorrow. I veer between feelings of panic to feelings of complete self-confidence. I wonder if I'm making a step that will totally destroy my life or is it a step that will finally fulfill my life. I feel both dread and happy excitement. My emotions are hyped up. Sometimes collapsing in a heap on floor overcome by fear and other times roaring into the wind with strong sense of self.

I scheduled an extra session this week with T. Seeing her today again for some final preparation.

[rainbow8]

How are you, skysblue?

Skysblue, thinking of you today... sending lots of safe hugs

[Anne2.0]

I am imagining that she is off celebrating the beginning of a new life. I too am thinking of you.

[crazycanbegood]

Sky's blue, yay! Welcome to the fold

[skysblue]

Hi guys - yeah my plan was to tell my husband yesterday, Saturday, that I'm a lesbian and that I want a divorce.

But, I tell you, it has been a long hard road to travel to get to the place where I'm even contemplating this action. You see, I did not want to admit that I have that sexual orientation. I was drowning in shame. I felt a lot of self-disgust and self-repugnance. So badly did I not want to admit or live with it that last year I began to visualize ways to commit suicide. I'm sure I would never have gone through with the act but it's an indication of how depressed I was. That I could even think thoughts of ending my life was very scary for me.

For those who think that we choose our sexual orientation, you must listen to other people's stories like mine. I have read of many instances where people do indeed kill themselves because of this. If it were a choice, why would they take such an act?

I can tell you that I went through hell. My therapist was great. She knew i didn't want to address this part of my identity. I kept pretending it wasn't true. I was married so what difference could it make - not that my H and I have been intimate for decades.

But my T gently brought up the topic occasionally. Whenever she did I just about had a panic attack - that's how strong my aversion was. One time I asked her what 'those' people look like. Sure I do know gays look like anyone else but I was so terrified of identifying with them that I must have put them in some kind of monster image.

My T would reply that they look like you and me. I asked where could I see one of 'them'? She said we're surrounded by 'them'. Now, don't get me wrong - I do know all of that but I was just verbalizing in a weird way my extreme fear of identifying with 'them'.

I watched the movie "A Prayer for Bobby" based on the true story of Bobby Griffith who was a young man so condemned and judged, especially by his mother that he ended up killing himself. I sobbed through most of the movie. I began to suspect that my strong emotional response to the story was an indication that, indeed, I DID identify somewhat with his story.

My therapist has been so kind and gentle and sensitive during this whole process. I could not have survived without her. She validated me and helped me believe that I DID have self worth and that I need not be ashamed or mortified by who I am.

And so, I did schedule the extra session with her on Friday for some last minute encouragement to help me find the courage to follow through on my plan.

I asked her if she thought I could take some klonopin if I found that the anxiety were getting the better of me. She replied that I could, of course, do what I want but like other major life events such as births, deaths and weddings, it might be preferable to be 'present'.

She also said that if I had any physical object that I could hold that had meaning for me, it could also help ground me. Unfortunately I do not have such a thing. I thought I might write a list of reasons why I wanted to take this step as a 'cheat sheet' if I began to lose my nerve but it ended up that I had no energy to do that Friday night.

And, again, my T requested that I let her know how it went. (gotta run and do some tasks now - will update later what, in the end, happened yesterday, Saturday)

[stopdog]

I know I have friends who struggled to come out after they got married and had kids and so forth. Coming out is not always easy to do. I hope things are going well for you.