[Imhotep]

Hi guys,

I am new here and hope to meet new friends. Everyone seems very nice and supportive. I am very optimistic.

To start off, I have a question for people who have been working with a therapist - like me.

I just wonder how many of us are dissapointed with our therapists.

I have worked very hard with mine but I never seem to hear from her anything constructive how I can improve my life.

Its so frustrating! I want to get better.

Can anyone relate to this? I am just wondering. Maybe others in this group feel the same way.

Maybe this could be a point of discussion.

I am (very) new here but maybe someone could pick up this line of discussion if it hasn't already been picked through. It just an idea.

I hope every one of you had a great day. May God bless you all.

I hope to speak to some of you as new friends soon.

Take care.

[Imhotep]

Hi,

I am new here but I am wondering if anyone else feels dissapointed with their therapist.

I don't mean it as a personal thing or to say they are not competent.
I love my therapist.

I am just asking if it has not worked out for you.

I am not satisfied with where I am today.

I would like to hear how others are doing with their therapists.

Hope to hear from someone soon.

Thanks all!

[TheRealFDeal]

I cannot relate, but I wanted to welcome you to the forum. You are right about everyone here being very supportive. They are also very smart and many of them have better advice than a therapist.

I wonder if you have talked this over with your T? Not to say that you are disappointed, perhaps, but to discuss your dissatisfaction and tell her what you need from her that you don't think you are getting.

[Asiablue]

Welcome to the forum Imhotep, i think some types of therapy aren't based on advice or interventions and more just a listening ear. Do you know what modality she is practicing from?

[Tamster]

disappointed hah!!!
I walked away from my T because talking about my rape made him pull back physically.
He couldn't look at me when and if we could even broach the subject. He had such a hard time dealing with the content of what had happened that I was left alone with nobody to help get me back afloat. 'So now here I am afraid to find a new one because my T was a baby, no he wasnt he was unequipeted to help me.

What type of therapy are you in? I'm in pyschoanalitical & for the first yr felt she wasn't helping me. 9yrs on I feel complete opersite.

Hi Imhotep,

Glad you joined PC and posted this thread. How long have you been with your T (therapist)? It's a good sign that you really like her but therapy takes some time. I've been with mine about 3 years. I love my T too and yes he has disappointed me many times over but he's also given me great insights, advice, support and comfort.

Have you told her that you are really looking for input into your situation? Some T's are more laid back in their approach toward clients and may need you to speak up and say what you need from them. When my T gave me his thoughts on something, I told him right off that I liked that about him and wanted more. I told him I didn't like a previous T who just sat there and listened. I wanted input. Try asking her for her opinion on something and see what kind of response you get. All the best and look forward to hearing more from you.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Imhotep

I just wonder how many of us are dissapointed with our therapists.

I have worked very hard with mine but I never seem to hear from her anything constructive how I can improve my life.

It is such a good question, the implicit one you're asking. What do you do when you're disappointed by your T?

I think it's a good question because disappointment, at least for me, is a key feature in ALL my relationships. Not all the time, and maybe not very often, at least with most of them. So therapy is a great place to discuss this feeling and figure out how you can not be disappointed.

I do think that disappointment is in part something we have to expect. People will always disappoint us-- they dont' have enough time for us, they don't have enough love for us, they don't have enough care for us. I also disappoint myself, and I know that I disappoint others. So part of the answer to being disappointed is to just be with it, it's part of what's going to happen.

But when you can pinpoint something specific that you're disappointed about, as you did (about the lack of advice), you can raise it as an issue to discuss. I think that if you believe that your T provides therapy like a piece of bubblegum from a quarter dispenser, you're going to be disappointed always. You are an active ingredient in the final product, and you need to communicate what you want back from her. So my advice to you is to tell her what you're disappointed about and ask her directly for advice.

My T gave me advice one time and I complained, he said, "I thought you wanted help fixing it." I told him, "I never want help fixing it. Don't give me any advice like ever."

I think that therapy begins in really important ways when we are direct with our therapists about what isn't working with them. This is an incredibly important communication skill-- learning to be direct and even confronting. Sometimes it's hard for T's (or anyone) to hear what sounds like criticism, but it is really you communicating what you need. Sometimes you have to keep hammering away at the message until they hear it. Sometimes you have to change the way you deliver the message. But I have found that being heard by my T this way also feels really healing to me, it is someone who is taking what I say and trying to do differently. He doesn't always get it right at first, sometimes I have to keep yacking at him about it, but even making the effort to try to give me what I need feels really good. It's also something that my H is really good at-- being willing to make the effort, not so much actually doing it. Hence the disappointment.

[sweepy62]

Welcome you will always find it to be very supportive here

[Jungatheart]

Hi and welcome. I have felt that way before. There are good and bad therapists, and also good therapists who might not be a personal match. The fact that you are asking is something to pay attention to. If your are not feeling as though it is constructive, you could try testing out some other therapists as you continue to see your current. Just an idea...

[growlycat]

Welcome!! I hope you find this place as insightful and helpful as I have.

Therapy has all kinds of highs and lows and sometimes the "blahs" in-between. If you relationship with your T is new, he or she is probably just trying to give you breathing space to settle in and get comfortable. Much of their job is to listen.

It does help to bring up anything that bothers you about therapy. It helps to try to let your T know in a non-judgemental way "Hey, i feel alone here--can you offer some advice?"
Usually, once a T learns what you as an individual need, they will adapt their approach. Without bringing it up, you may never know though. But once you do, it can be a relief and it can move therapy forward.

There are instances where you and the T are just not a great match in temperament. (happened to me once) So if it doesn't get better, dr shopping isn't a bad thing