I don't really understand why or how these feelings have developed but for the last few weeks I want t to hold me. She hugs me sometimes, she always initiates hugs and I never wanted or needed her touch but now more than ever I crave it. She is very touchy feely anyway so she is not opposed to touching like some ts. I want her to hold me tight and never let me go. Of course I do realise that what I want and what I get are two very different things.

Lately me transference is unbearable, I think about t all the time and yesterday on the way to gf house I drive by ts house and she was sitting outside in the sun with some man and I feel so jealous. I was happy for t but jealous that she was with a man. I don't know how to stop these feelings and have been thinking of quitting therapy again because I want to run away from these feelings.
I can't tell t because I am not very good at articulating my feelings

Talking to t about my feelings about her has been the only way I've ever been able to get past them no matter what they were - they come and go and we talk about them as they come up - seems like the only feelings i'm comfortable letting myself feel are the ones for her because she makes it so easy to talk about them. Learning how to feel my feelings is a huge part of the work that I'm doing with her so this is a good thing.

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Talking to t about my feelings about her has been the only way I've ever been able to get past them no matter what they were - they come and go and we talk about them as they come up - seems like the only feelings i'm comfortable letting myself feel are the ones for her because she makes it so easy to talk about them. Learning how to feel my feelings is a huge part of the work that I'm doing with her so this is a good thing.

Thanks Arthemis,
I guess I am and never have been comfortable telling people I have feelings for them. It came up with my first t, she asked if I would tell her if I had feelings for her and I said absolutely not. I guess I am afraid of being rejected or ridiculed but everyone has those feelings, right?
Current t said when we have feelings and don't tell someone they echo in our mouths and get louder and louder till we acknowledge them and set them free.
Your t sounds great, I think it would be ok if I had someone safe like your t who was comfortable talking about them.

[nessaea]

Hey there,

I'm sorry your feelings are getting so strong, and that you don't feel like you can talk to your T about them. That must not only be frustrating, but also make you feel pretty alone.

Have you tried writing them out at all? Sometimes when I have things I want to say to someone but don't know how, I write a "letter that will never be sent". Writing a letter to someone that I have no intention of sending always helps me get stuff out, and sort out exactly what I am feeling. Usually, what I do is once I write it, I put it away for a week, and then I re-read it, and if I still feel all the same things that I wrote, I use it as a template to write an actual letter/email to the person. I figure that if the feelings have persisted after a week, they are probably pretty important to discuss.

Do you think you could do something like that? Maybe write to your T and tell them how you are feeling, even if you don't send it? Do you think that might help?

Sending big hugs your way!!

Ness

[ultramar]

I think telling her how you feel vs quitting are two extremes and there are options in between. If you're not ready to talk about it, you can wait. You can bring it up relatively subtly, i.e. 'I'm having some trouble sharing my feelings with you, can you help me with this?' 'I'm afraid of what you'll think of me if I share some feelings with you that I've been having lately.' 'I'm feeling really attached right now and it's so hard," etc.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I can't tell t because I am not very good at articulating my feelings

This is one of the things T can help you with.

Originally Posted by nessaea

Hey there,

I'm sorry your feelings are getting so strong, and that you don't feel like you can talk to your T about them. That must not only be frustrating, but also make you feel pretty alone.

Have you tried writing them out at all? Sometimes when I have things I want to say to someone but don't know how, I write a "letter that will never be sent". Writing a letter to someone that I have no intention of sending always helps me get stuff out, and sort out exactly what I am feeling. Usually, what I do is once I write it, I put it away for a week, and then I re-read it, and if I still feel all the same things that I wrote, I use it as a template to write an actual letter/email to the person. I figure that if the feelings have persisted after a week, they are probably pretty important to discuss.

Do you think you could do something like that? Maybe write to your T and tell them how you are feeling, even if you don't send it? Do you think that might help?

Sending big hugs your way!!

Ness

This is a great idea Ness thank you I have written a big long letter to her which I keep reading and editing but I think I will be able to give it to her, I hope so because I do feel alone because I can never tell anyone how I feel.

Originally Posted by ultramar

I think telling her how you feel vs quitting are two extremes and there are options in between. If you're not ready to talk about it, you can wait. You can bring it up relatively subtly, i.e. 'I'm having some trouble sharing my feelings with you, can you help me with this?' 'I'm afraid of what you'll think of me if I share some feelings with you that I've been having lately.' 'I'm feeling really attached right now and it's so hard," etc.

I can never tell t how I really feel, this is part of reason why I am in therapy because I can never express how I really feel. I find it easier to run.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

This is one of the things T can help you with.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

This is a great idea Ness thank you I have written a big long letter to her which I keep reading and editing but I think I will be able to give it to her, I hope so because I do feel alone because I can never tell anyone how I feel.

I can never tell t how I really feel, this is part of reason why I am in therapy because I can never express how I really feel. I find it easier to run.

Part of your running seems to be devaluing her? Maybe it helps to distance yourself?