What happens when therapist tells you this?

Raging Quiet · May 09, 2013, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Torn Mind

((((((( Rectopathic )))))))

Firstly it's not a stupid post, you've just had a T tell you painful and frightening things and you have every right to be feeling bad about it

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What strikes me is that she's more or less saying that she and therapy can't help you anymore and that she's expecting YOU to go to your GP and organize other professional help for yourself. In my eyes that's abrogating her responsibility, the least she could have done was suggest that you needed extra help and tried to steer you in the right directions for getting that help (not threaten you with hospital and tell you you can't beat this - how much confidence does THAT inspire????

)

How much confidence have you had in her up to now? Perhaps she isn't trained to deal with ED's but she's obviously known about yours all along so it seems a bit rich that she's now bleating about being stuck in trying to help you. I have very little time for Ts who pull the plug because their inadequacies and fears surface after some time in the therapy. I'm sorry if you are close to her and that maybe it's her seeming rejection of you that's causing you the pain - but she does sound like she's badly mismanaged this issue.

Perhaps you could talk to her about this and see if she isn't willing to help you look for extra help with the ED, without necessarily ending therapy with you? It's even possible she was being deliberately provocative to try and get you to 'see sense' (not that I agree with that approach if that's indeed what she was doing, this whole shock tactic thing...)

And aside from the therapy issue, I think it sounds like a good idea for you to go see your GP anyway - sounds like your ED is becoming threatening to your health and no matter what the moral/emotional issues at stake with your T are, your health has to be your priority right now.

I'm just sorry she isn't helping you deal with this, instead of dumping you to deal with it alone

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Thank you so much for your reply.

You are right, she isn't trained in ED's at all. I feel really bad that I've pushed her into this position.

I've known her for so long now. She used to have confidence in me - not so much anymore. She just seems angry at me nowdays for acting stupid when I'm 'so intellegent' (her words)

You are right, perhaps I should find someone else that deals with ED and see her about other issues.

It means a lot to me you have written such a wonderful reply -- thank you,

Raging Quiet · May 09, 2013, 07:10 AM

Also, we cannot conceive naturally due to husbands very low sperm count. I need to have ICSI IVF to ever get pregnant. It's too much for me to deal with.

precious things · May 09, 2013, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

I think I wanted to get pregnant to save myself. I would certainly never starve myself if for a second I though I was pregnant because I would have something to look after and live for. I don't think I can see current T and someone else, I don't think she wants to see me for much longer.

I know I responded to you on the ED forum but as a mother and someone who struggles with an ED I have to tell you, that I don't doubt that you would take care of your body if ou were pregnant- but that is a small and very temporary piece of the parenthood journey. If you don't tackle the ED it will come roaring back, try chasing a toddler around 12 hours a day with an ED, or you will have a third grader that wonders why their mom can't come to the school parties because of the food that you will face...or not letting yourself ever try a piece of your kids birthday cake.

I know you would do everything to love and protect your child, but until we learn to love and protect ourselves in a healthy way, you will be a ghost going through the motions of motherhood with this disorder robbing you and your kids of the full experience. Hugs.

Anne2.0 · May 09, 2013, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

I think I wanted to get pregnant to save myself.

Please don't consider a child (even one who is in utero) as a vehicle for meeting your own needs.

Children should be born as individuals to be nurtured by their parents, not as objects to be used. I am not trying to speak for anyone else on this board, but I think that many of us are here because our parents weren't able to put our needs first, above their own self-gratification or self-aggrandizement or any number of other needs focused on themselves.

No one has to be a perfect person in order to get pregnant or become a parent, we're all working on our stuff during parenting and parents fail at times even with the best intentions.

But I do think that you need to consider more deeply your reasons for wanting to be pregnant and how much you have inside you, physically and mentally, to give to a child. It sounds to me like you are already at your limit of how much you can deal with, and putting yourself first right now and not getting pregnant is the best thing you could do for the future child(ren) you will have.

Victoria'smom · May 09, 2013, 10:47 AM

your therapist maybe asking what she can do to help you. it's a really bad way to ask. I forget whether you on medication to help your simptoms to deal with what is going on. maybe you can increase how often you go to therapy?

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