[fadeaway]

Hi, I'm new here.

I've been going to therapy for a year and I like my therapist. I trust her, but I really want to be able to actually talk to her rather than emailing/texting her. I wish I knew a way to do this. I get very anxious--shake (body shakes--arms, fingers, legs, feet) & shallow breathing. I mean she does mediation with me and it definitely lessens the anxiety, but it doesn't help me talk. I take meds before I go to her in hope that it will kick in, but it's no use. I wish I would feel comfortable enough to talk; I don't know why I feel uncomfortable. She's nice and non-judgemental and gentle with me and she's trying to help me.

[ECHOES]

Hi and welcome!

I can relate to this. It is so frustrating. Can you talk about "talking" and your desire to be able to talk freely and your frustration about not being able to yet? I found that to be helpful to do, and have had many sessions where this has come up. Can you tell her the things you mention in your post such as this:

I trust her, but I really want to be able to actually talk to her rather than emailing/texting her. I wish I knew a way to do this. ..I wish I would feel comfortable enough to talk; I don't know why I feel uncomfortable. She's nice and non-judgemental and gentle with me and she's trying to help me.

I wonder if you could take a copy of your email(s) with you and read it to her? It might help open things up.

I trust it will get better for you. It did for me when I decided that I was going to talk about "anything" even if it was that I baked Christmas cookies. And I did just that, talked about anything (since therapy is about "anything and everything" ) and it did help me get to feel more comfortable. It can feel so exposing in there!

[tinyrabbit]

These things take time. If you had no trouble talking, well, you probably wouldn't need therapy!

[CantExplain]

Mr T says I am a natural talker, so talk therapy is indicated!

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. Do you have problems talking to other people in general or is it just with the therapist?
Perhaps you would feel better if she would come to your home? I'm aware that not all therapists are able to visit at your home though. Maybe you feel a bit intimidated by the office or the atmosphere there. I wonder if you could ask to see her somewhere you feel comfortable in. Or maybe you could bring along a good friend for support? These might be things you already thought about so sorry if I couldn't give any useful advice.

Originally Posted by fadeaway

Hi, I'm new here.

I've been going to therapy for a year and I like my therapist. I trust her, but I really want to be able to actually talk to her rather than emailing/texting her. I wish I knew a way to do this. I get very anxious--shake (body shakes--arms, fingers, legs, feet) & shallow breathing. I mean she does mediation with me and it definitely lessens the anxiety, but it doesn't help me talk. I take meds before I go to her in hope that it will kick in, but it's no use. I wish I would feel comfortable enough to talk; I don't know why I feel uncomfortable. She's nice and non-judgemental and gentle with me and she's trying to help me.

[mixedup_emotions]

I can relate to the difficulty in talking in therapy. I have a tendency to shut down whenever we touch on something painful. I freeze and then simply cannot find the words. It's as if my body disconnects from my brain and I'm empty.

I echo what Echoes suggested (LOL)....Talking about the difficulty in talking about it is a good start. As a matter of fact, I just might talk to my T about that today because last week, I was very disconnected. T even asked me mid-session, "Are you going to stay checked out of this conversation?" Talking about the problem of not being able to talk can lead to some important awareness.

[Raging Quiet]

My T tells me that shaking is negative energy leaving the body.

When I can't speak, I usually write everything down and give that to her instead.

Thinking of you,

[Perna]

Can you try a few things, maybe talk to yourself and/or "about" your T out loud, "She said. . ." I did much better when I imagined my T sitting next to me on a bench, like a picnic table bench, as a friend instead of across from me like a teacher or someone in authority.

[wotchermuggle]

I found it hard to talk too (still do) when I started. If you can email/text, maybe you could take a pad of paper to write down on to get things started?

Have you tried saying, "I'm really anxious" to get the ball rolling?

[Victoria'smom]

I usually take soda so that when I need a little time to answer a question I can take a drink. are you able to bring something that distraction so you can start talking?

[BlessedRhiannon]

I often struggle with talking about things, it's getting easier (after nearly 4 years with my T), but I still freeze up at times. The extreme anxiety has lessened, but my brain to mouth filter usually goes from "watch what you say" to "don't say anything" whenever it comes to things I find difficult.

Some things that have helped me are talking about not being able to talk, having T prompt me with questions (my T's favorite is "tell me one true thing about x...") or setting a time limit to talk about the thing and building up each time (like, just 5 minutes the first time). Also, I've found that if I have something to occupy my hands, it's easier to talk. Sometimes, I'll write in my journal and then just read that entry aloud and once that's done, we can discuss what I wrote.

When it gets to be too much, I tell T that I need a break from the topic and we'll put it away for a while and come back to it later. Each time, it gets a little easier to talk.

[fadeaway]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

I often struggle with talking about things, it's getting easier (after nearly 4 years with my T), but I still freeze up at times. The extreme anxiety has lessened, but my brain to mouth filter usually goes from "watch what you say" to "don't say anything" whenever it comes to things I find difficult.

Some things that have helped me are talking about not being able to talk, having T prompt me with questions (my T's favorite is "tell me one true thing about x...") or setting a time limit to talk about the thing and building up each time (like, just 5 minutes the first time). Also, I've found that if I have something to occupy my hands, it's easier to talk. Sometimes, I'll write in my journal and then just read that entry aloud and once that's done, we can discuss what I wrote.

When it gets to be too much, I tell T that I need a break from the topic and we'll put it away for a while and come back to it later. Each time, it gets a little easier to talk.

I actually have spoken to her about how it's hard to talk. She has tried numerous things with me, but nothing really helps. I would not be able to read it. Honestly I'm embarassed to say this, but yes I occupy my hands with something during therapy--I scratch/pinch myself to help myself focus and I use it to try to get myself to talk. It hasn't helped. I still do it...it's kinda of unconscious, but then I realize I'm doing it and don't stop. I just don't really know what type of other options I have. I barely look at her and I can barely sit upright with her.

[ECHOES]

I actually have spoken to her about how it's hard to talk.

I still talk about this, after 6+ years in therapy. It takes as long as it takes, and it isn't helpful to be critical of yourself for where you are. Maybe you could talk about your self criticisms about not talking. Trust is hard, even with someone who demonstrates their trustworthiness, because it comes from within.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by fadeaway

Honestly I'm embarassed to say this, but yes I occupy my hands with something during therapy--I scratch/pinch myself to help myself focus and I use it to try to get myself to talk. It hasn't helped. I still do it...it's kinda of unconscious, but then I realize I'm doing it and don't stop.

That's not really what I meant by occupying your hands. I play with a Tangle toy, or a stress ball, or my jewelry. What you're doing seems to be more of punishing yourself for being able to talk. That's not really fair to you...it's HARD to talk about things with a therapist, and you don't need to punish yourself for struggling with it.

When I'm really stuck and really anxious about talking, my T will ask for just one word about the topic. Could you maybe try that? Just blurt out one word or a sound that relates to it or a gesture or something, just to get it out there? And tell your T that's all you feel like you can do right then? Then the next time, try for two words?

[Zora]

Originally Posted by fadeaway

Hi, I'm new here.

I've been going to therapy for a year and I like my therapist. I trust her, but I really want to be able to actually talk to her rather than emailing/texting her. I wish I knew a way to do this. I get very anxious--shake (body shakes--arms, fingers, legs, feet) & shallow breathing. I mean she does mediation with me and it definitely lessens the anxiety, but it doesn't help me talk. I take meds before I go to her in hope that it will kick in, but it's no use. I wish I would feel comfortable enough to talk; I don't know why I feel uncomfortable. She's nice and non-judgemental and gentle with me and she's trying to help me.

I have the same problem in my therapy too,
It's hard to talk even though my therapist insists I can feel safe with her.

I have started taking a stress ball with me as BlessedRhiannon just mentioned.
Hopefully it will start working for me.

[Tamster]

I had one psychologist that i trusted so much that i would say anything over 25 years ago but since i decided one day that I was done with therapy I have never found that bond again. I think sometimes you can trust someone and not bond well with them close enough to talk. I left my last therapist after 6 months without a word because I couldn't talk to him either and I didn't want to explain it to him. If you can muster the courage tell your therapist you have a hard time voicing your concerns and she might be able to help you or even have you talk to someone new, a good T wants what is best for you.