Trigger warning for discussion of sexual abuse but no details.




I'm trying to avoid calling my T because it makes me feel like a needy baby even though he encourages it, so I'm asking for input here. My T asked me this last week if I had "thought more about the sexual abuse?" He acknowledged I had a lot on my plate with my daughter's illness and a new business partnership that involved moving my office, and my son graduating, and a hurt horse, and ... But he said he wanted to touch base and see if I had "thought more" about the abuse since we discussed it several weeks ago. Now I'm all perplexed. I don't think about it on purpose all that much ever. WHAT was I supposed to be thinking about in reference to it? Was there something specific I'm supposed to be thinking about or trying to do that I was unaware of?

What the heck am I missing? I feel kind of stupid. Was he maybe just bringing it up to somehow make me think that it isn't shameful? He mentioned once about trying to balance between letting me bring things up in my own time and not "cooperating in a conspiracy of silence" that would cause me to think the subject really is shameful and should not be addressed.

[granite1]

MKAC i am so sorry you had to go through that. my T asks me that tink of question all the time now and i kind of think the same thing. sometimes i think a better way of asking is do you have any more thoughts on the particular subject.

maybe he wanted to check in and see how you were sitting and dealing with disclosing that infomation, or if you were having intrusive thoughts and having a hard time dealing with it.and things like that .

MKAC i don't think i could ever let my T in on that secrite of mine at all . you know you are brave . just thinking about it brings up all kinds of negative emotions .so i can imagine what you are going through. quick flashing thoughts about it and T knowing throught out the day. or maybe stomach turning reactions at times passing. feelings of shame ,etc.... and the list goes on. maybe these are what he is asking about.

as bad as it may feel for you i am glad your T is mindfull in has not wanting to cooperate in the silence conspiracy. even if it is hard to talk about .if he did it may never get talked about

MKAC... this is just thoughts.. of course like you said none of us could know what your T was thinking... so its just guessing

I think he was asking if you had any "thoughts" come up about the abuse... sometimes when we bring stuff up in session we have residuals thoughs just come up about it days.. weeks later...

I also like the idea that he is not cooperating in the conspiracy of silence.... I told my xT some hard stuff and we hardly touched on it you know it was just telling him it existed... and the next weeks he never brought it up.... when out of the emotional hot mess of it all I'm sure he wanted me to bring it up but at the time I felt stupid for telling him and that he didn't think it was important enough to talk about...shame.

[unaluna]

My ts always try the trick question (and I admit I'm so gullible it actually works with me) - "well if you WERE thinking about it, what would that thought be?" I do like that hesnot letting it just go by the wayside. Seems like it might just pop up. Like something in one of these other crises would follow the pattern somehow. I'd be saying, "see, this is just like when my mother blah blah blah -" but to an uninvolved outsider, they wouldn't see how it related at all. If you're not doing that, then maybe you're healthier than t realizes. You're not acting out.

[content30]

Hmm...I feel like it is hard to comment on this forum to guess what other Ts are thinking, since the only T I really know well is my own. So, I will put it in the context of my T (my point of reference). If she asked me about if I thought of something we discussed, I would think that she was touching base to see if anything else came up (additional thoughts or details that I might want to discuss after possibly ruminating over my discussion with my T), and I would think that she would be checking in on me emotionally (has it been bothering me extra since I talked about it, am I feeling anxious or depressed, etc.). Anyway, that would probably be what my T would be asking, but, again, it's often hard to guess what other Ts are thinking.

On an unrelated note, I rode horses for years (jumping, dressage, English pleasure) until I had a bad fall and had to have surgery. I miss it and found it very therapeutic--really clears the mind. I'm glad that you enjoy horses, and I'm sorry that you have an injured horse and a sick child.

See, I'm not all THAT healthy, hankster, because my brain immediately leaped to what I was doing WRONG by not thinking about it between sessions. LOL.

I am not a big acter-outer. I think we already went through the big agonies about TELLING before and you all were great about helping me through that. Now it was like I just talked about a piece of it and was like, okay, now he knows THAT and mentally checked it off and went back to dealing with the various crises in my life.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I'm supposed to be thinking

I think if we're supposed to be thinking/doing something then T will be more pro-active, will tell us, "I want you to think about. . ." But thinking is not "controlled" by us like our actions are, things pop into our head at their will, associations, etc. I think your T was just asking a straight-forward question, seeing if your discussion had caused any odd associations or continue-on thought.

When we talk about or concentrate on something, consciously or unconsciously, it will often stick around. That's how we get most of our dreams I think; I use to love having my T session on Friday and then going to sleep Friday night because I knew I'd dream about something we'd been working on that would help me further.

My thoughts on this are that sometimes therapist try to keep the momentum of difficult feelings going. I could be wrong, best to ask him.

[mixedup_emotions]

I don't believe there's a right or wrong thing to be thinking. But it's important to become aware of what you do think/feel.

Some clients may be holding back for one reason or another, and a T bringing it to awareness could be a way of saying "we can talk about this"....Some clients get upset when the T doesn't bring it up. Sometimes clients get upset when they DO bring it up. It's a tricky issue and varies greatly from person to person.

I'd imagine, like Mouse said, that T wants to encourage you to go further into it without pushing too hard. It's a difficult thing to balance.

Sharing what you wrote here about your reaction would be a great step towards figuring some things out.

[nicoleflynn]

Perhaps you are overthinking it, and he simply asked the question simply wondering if you had thought any more about it.

[tinyrabbit]

Maybe your T just wondered if you had thought about it or stuffed it down?

[precious things]

I would take this as anything you have processed in your head since discussing it with him...( not details of what happend per se) such as did you think it was cathartic to share? Did you feel embarrassed by what you told him? Do you feel fear for revealing...etc..I think generally speaking, T's want to know the feelings that come up around the things we bring to therapy.

Going through this now with my own T and every session he asks...is it okay if I ask you....or can you go there for a moment....

The flip side would be far worse (for me at least) - talking about CSA and then having a T leave it completely at your will to bring up again. It's tough material and a fine balance for a T to show they care and you can share without feeling like they are pushing you too hard emotionally.

[stopdog]

I don't know. That one I see has said stuff like this to me - and never can or will further explain. I have no idea - sorry.

[pbutton]

I feel the need to point out that even though no one has really commented on it, we don't think you'd be a needy baby if you called him. If he encourages you to call, and you need to call, CALL the man.

but pbutton, I see now that I was jumping to conclusions and now I don't need to call him. LOL. I was jumping to thinking something was wrong with me, or I was doing something wrong, instead of seeing him as just touching base with me and making sure I was okay. hmmm. I think that may be a therapeutic issue.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Now it was like I just talked about a piece of it and was like, okay, now he knows THAT and mentally checked it off and went back to dealing with the various crises in my life.

This reminds me of how I deal with talking about my brother. I think I'm done with that discussion and put it out of my mind, but my T thinks otherwise so she brings it up at times. Your T may think, rightfully or wrongfully, that there is more to say about it. He's not saying anything is wrong with you, or that you're doing something wrong, but is checking to see if anything new came up for you.

Was he just trying to remind you that he hasn't forgot and you will need to address it at some point?

[WikidPissah]

I think he was just throwing it out in case something had come up and you hadn't mentioned it. He was giving you an opening in case there was something to say, knowing you probably wouldn't delve straight into it if you were on a different topic.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I don't think about it on purpose all that much ever.

Devil's Advocate If you don't think about it and he feels it does need thinking about, it was a reminder? It's not "what" you are supposed to be thinking, you're just supposed to be thinking (on purpose even occasionally :-)

I realized when he asked me the question that I had not thought about it at all, AND I was surprised at the question. It was like I was all, 'who, me? Sexually abused? what?' I REALLY had not thought about it. I emailed him a few minutes ago and just asked what he meant. He is not fond of emails and prefers calls so now I feel badly about THAT as well. I just really hate calling. really.

He called me on his way home from work. He said that it was about not wanting me to think he was avoiding the topic, and not that I was SUPPOSED to be doing anything. He said it made sense that I tucked that topic far away when I had so much else going, but he wanted to let me know that he had not forgotten and didn't think the topic was either unimportant or too horrible to talk about.

Oh, oh, he also thanked me for emailing and said it was a good thing and I was doing a good job practicing "self care" by not just waiting and wondering about it until next week.

[mixedup_emotions]

That's awesome, MKAC! I'm glad you were direct with it and that T responded in a helpful way.

[precious things]

Aww, such a good T. Good for you for reaching out!

What do I win?????