[suzzie]

when you were setting up a first appointment...i can see you 1:00. but you cant go over time because i have another appointment at 2:00. i havent met her yet. so dont understand why she thinks i might be a problem. i always leave when im told. maybe its nothing.

[TheRealFDeal]

That would bother me, too. Why would she feel a need to say such a thing when she doesn't know you?

I was setting up a first appt with a T once, and he repeated at least FOUR times that he didn't take insurance and that I needed to check my insurance coverage. Why was he being so **** about that? It's like he had a bad experience with a client and he was projecting it on to me. I ended up cancelling because it bothered me so much. But I wouldn't advise that -- go, and see how she is in person.

Thatd bother me too, but i would try not to take it personally. She probably got burned somehow by another client, so she just makes this blanket statement to everyone.

[NWgirl2013]

Or ~ the T just wanted you to know so you could be prepared. Sometimes they don't want you to dive right into a long thing.

Probably not about you at all, but them & their schedule.
Just a thought ...

[Raging Quiet]

That would bother me, it would make it sound that someone new always has priority. Perhaps T was worried this new client wouldn't know where to wait or how everything works? I know with first sessions filling in forms etc the appointment can be more likely to go over time.

Perhaps she said the same to the client before you for your first session?

[tinyrabbit]

That would bother me too. I don't think Ts should have back to back appointments. They need to take time between to write notes and recharge.

However I do wonder if she just let you know so you will understand when she doesn't let the session run over - maybe some people think it's harsh if they talk about stuff and then still have to leave on time.

[CantExplain]

It's just setting the boundaries. Nothing personal.

[Lamplighter]

Yeah it would bother me, I'd interpret it as meaning I'm such a demanding useless not-to-be-trusted client that I need the obvious spelled out to me as some kind of warning 'Now don't you go getting ideas about getting more time out of me, I'll just nip that sort of thinking in the bud right now!'

Having said that it's probably nothing as negative as I would experience it, but I think it's an extremely poor way to explain to you that your session is one hour. In fact why did she even have to justify it to you? Why did she not just say, the session is from x to x time ok?

I may be being overly picky here, but having spent a lot of time with a lot of different Ts, I find that it is these little things that indicate the calibre of how a T is going to turn out in the long run.

Afterthought: I suppose it depends too on HOW she explained this to you, was it in a kind of warning tone, or was it in a friendly oh I'm sorry I'd love to give you more time but I can't as I have a client immediately after you... From the fact that you've posted about it I get the sense that she said it in a negative way?

Has it put you off seeing her?

((((( Suzzie ))))

Torn

[ECHOES]

I agree, it was an awkward way of setting the time boundary. It would be something that a sensitive person would notice and take offense to (I might) because it seems to have a hidden accusation that you plan to go over the hour.

I just think it was an awkward statement, and nothing personal toward you at all.

I think it was said awkwardly, but try not to take it personally. The reality is probaby just a boundary-setting statement. I know when my T has a new client, that is generally when he goes overtime. I suspect this T has had the same experience and is just letting you know the session length ahead of time just because.

[nessaea]

I am sorry that what she said made you feel stressed. That is not a good feeling to have going in to your first appointment.

I know that in my experience, some therapists schedule the first appointment to be 90 minutes instead of the usually 45 or 60. They usually call them intake appointments, and use the extra time to get more history and information right away. I wonder if maybe she is used to doing that, or is used to having clients who want that, so was maybe just trying to let you know (not very effectively) that this could not be the case here? I definitely think that, whatever the reason, she could have said it better, but there may have been a reason for her to trying to make it clear you only had one hour.

I hope everything goes ok. Keep us posted!

Hugs,
Ness

[sconnie892]

To me it sounds like some poorly worded boundary setting. I am guessing the t wanted to let you know the time limit ahead of time, but probably could have found a better way of saying it.

[refika]

It definitely sounds like boundary setting, though it could have been worded more tactfully.

My T does similar things all the time, reminds me a million times the length of our sessions (even though I never go over unless T says we can), reminds me to bring payment (again, even though I never miss a payment), reminds me of our next appointment (even though T see's me putting it in my phone). When I asked T why he were being so over the top about reminders T said because he's worried that I may not be thinking clearly after our sessions and may miss/forget things.

I realize it's just T being caring and setting boundaries but it does get annoying at times. I sometimes think T does it more for his benefit than mine.

[manymiles]

It would bother me because I'd think she usually goes over or has a problem with boundaries and is saying this time I can't do it because XYZ as if that if a more legitimate reason than just respecting the boundaries because sessions are 1 hr. or 50 minutes, whatever is the case.

It might also just be that she is setting a clear boundary from the beginning, but could have just said sessions are x minutes long instead.

[unaluna]

I agree, I think it's because it is a first session, which ordinarily could be expected to go longer. She was just letting you know - she might have been looking at her appointment book or computer schedule at the same time, and just kind of blurted out that she had a two o'clock appointment following, so there was no option of going longer. Maybe at that point some people say, no I am definitely going to need longer. I am not that good on the phone for thinking fast so I wouldn't have, but maybe someone else could!

[Perna]

I guess I would try to take it as informative and think about how much I might want to say in a first session. If I thought I might want to spend more time, I could then ask, "Do you have another day/time open where going over would not be so critical to your schedule? Or, I could revise the material I wanted to present so it would fit better within the 45-50 minute time period.

[ultramar]

Maybe she was saying 'keep in mind, that if you decide to take the 1pm slot you will not be able to go over' [whereas if you were to take a different slot, with no patient right after, you could when needed].

Mind reading, of course Maybe you'll feel better if you ask her about it, or it will be better to let it go, depends on how you feel.

I think that's ridiculous. The T is responsible for setting the appt. "time boundary," and I doubt you thought you'd be sitting there for a few hours as it were. (And I am still unclear if she ever told you how long a "normal" session with her will be in the future?)

Maybe warning you that she has an issue keeping her OWN schedule would be more appropriate, but that she does have a client right after you and needs to have your session wrapped up by 2...but then that would keep you on guard, wondering what time it was...and who can do the work they need to do in T and think about that as well?? So maybe that's a bad idea, too.

I think she should have kept her trap shut and be prapared to end in the session in a timely manner. If she has time management issues, that's her problem, and you shouldn't have to worry about them.

The Ts I have been too (besides attempting to reconnect with my childhood T, who thought timekeeping during a session was always the client's responsibility, but then we/she had LOTS of issues during this attempt...epic FAIL) have always declared themselves timekeepers and being responsible for ending the session. One T even had the clock behind me, so if I even wanted to think about it, I had to make an effort to look at my watch.

Anyway, I hope she turns out to be a good therapist and that the session does go well for you.

[suzzie]

thank you everyone. i hope its nothing. and just boundaries.