How is your therapist with boundaries?

My T is pretty loose with boundaries. Sessions start and end late almost every time, which is okay with me. He discloses a fair amount of personal info. As far as the phone, he will answer it during sessions and even texts back and forth with people occasionally in front of me. There have been a few times when I was really unsure if I should excuse myself and wait outside as the conversations were personal. It can be sort of jarring and I do tend to lose my focus and sadly also feel somewhat dismissed at times when he answers calls. My main thing is that I wish he would just say, "excuse me for a moment" or really anything at all to address the fact that he is taking a call. usually he just picks up his phone and starts talking while I am in mid-sentence...as I said a bit jarring. Oh well. I'm don't feel able to say anything because he goes over and above for me and he has also recently begun seeing me at a reduced rate.

Murray - I am sorry to hear that. It sounds awful if it is a usual thing and I would hate feeling I could not tell the therapist about it.

Thanks SD. I really do like my T and he has helped me so much, but I do sometimes wish that I could address certain issues with him. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to handle criticism well at all. I only brought a concern of this sort to him once(regarding confidentiality) and it did not go well- he laughed and scolded me...so don't think I will be doing that again. Anyway.... thanks

Murray - tell him his hostility is leaking into the session and ask if you need to revisit the arrangement, cuz it doesn't seem to be working. then tell him you still don't have any money tho! Just pretend you are me and my t for a minute. I am pretty sure he won't kill you!

Eta: oops just read your response to sd. Idk...

Oh Murray that does sound like he is breaking your boundaries and takins advantage. I am so sorry. I hope you can tell him how you. Feel

Thanks Hankster and Monalisa. He's really great about most things. And the phone call thing has been going on way before we agreed to a reduced rate, same with the other issue. Honestly I don't think he cares about the money part at all, as he is still more than willing to let me email as much as I want to and will even call me if I need to talk.

It sounds like he has loose boundaries both in ways that benefit you/make you feel good and in negative ways.

It sounds like you're reluctant to bring up the phone/texting issue during session maybe because you're afraid that he'll then take away other things? Or do you feel you don't have a right to because he goes over and above on other things? It sounds like the whole boundary thing needs to be kept under wraps for fear something good will change, and I think that's a shame.

In any case, assuming he's not vindictive or something, I doubt he would fault you or retaliate if you ask him to not answer calls or texts during your session (unless an emergency). It almost sounds as if the other loose boundaries that you like have taken some power away from you to speak up about things that aren't good for you, for fear of losing them. I hope you're able to do so at some point. It's always a risk, but I think it's more likely it will turn out well if you address it with him.

Murray (new thread?) - I appreciate that you like and value your therapist, but I wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior for a second. If it happened once, I'd ask him strongly not to do it again, and if it happened again I'd walk out. I wouldn't come back either. I think that's terrible. Reduced rate doesn't mean reduced quality of service. How can he help you if he isn't giving you his full attention to the best of his ability? Terrible!

So sorry. I didn't mean to hijack this thread at all.

No worries - your post was on topic. But your therapist's, in my opinion, egregious behavior might be worth a full thread of its own...

Murray you didn't hijack at all. This thread is exactly about poor boundaries and your post relates to that

Madame T was a stickler for boundaries.
I don't know about the new guy yet.

My T has pretty good boundaries, which I am pushing at the moment. I have no idea why I am doing this. Anyway tomorrow we are having a "talk" about texting and emails etc.

Good luck bi polar, I hate those talks

Personally, I expect my T to focus on me during the session. Any other business should be taking place between sessions.

I agree, tiny rabbit. I mean we are paying for their time and attention

I've never really paid much attention to boundaries with my T, and we've never really talked about them as such. We are both very respectful of the others time, and when I'm at my appointment with T, that hour is mine. She does not answer her phone or check text messages or emails while I'm there (with one exception, and she warned me ahead of time that her child might text her and she would need to reply if that happened). She's very good about keeping to our set appointment times, and if she is running a bit late, then she makes sure I still get my full 50 minutes.

I tend to have tighter boundaries than my T, because I'm so afraid of being intrusive. T is trying to get me to contact her more between sessions, and has promised that if I ever do stray in to being intrusive, she'll let me know (but has also assured me that she doesn't think that will ever happen).

With my T and I, it's mostly just about mutual respect.

My T has very healthy boundaries, but it isn't something I think about much with him. We are respectful of each other's time and needs, so we just don't talk about our relationship/boundaries much. What he does do is help me see where I don't set boundaries in my own life and models good boundaries for me.

Yes - my T is wonderful about this as well.

My personal t has very strict boundaries. No email or phone calls. If you're in crisis, call the crisis center. Need something else, call the nurse line. He's a wonderful t, but there are strict boundaries set up by the clinic he works for. He has called me once at home, but that was only to give me the name of a new family practice dr he was recommending that I see. Very weird to hear his voice on the phone- wasn't expecting that phone call at all!

On Thursday, I meet a new T for my eating disorders therapy. No idea what her boundaries will be, but I'm sure they'll be discussed. I'm just hoping I like her- after all, they booked my appts at the same time/day for the rest of the year with her! Yikes!

Can't say my t has strong boundaries but they usually don't cause problems for me. Some times it feeds into my dependency on him. But it makes him Feel real to me and has allowed me to completely trust him, I wouldn't change anything.

My T has had flexible boundaries until she decided they weren't good for me. She emailed me responses to all of my emails for about a year, then we mutually agree that wasn't a good idea for me. She let me hold her hand for a long time until she also decided that wasn't good for me. I would ask her and she would get up and sit next to me on the couch. I miss that a lot.

I know I've crossed boundaries when I once drove past her house and looked up things online about her family. She had the boundary of not talking about her H, but she will answer most questions I ask her about her and her family, as long as they aren't intrusive. She did not think that my guessing about her marriage problem was crossing a boundary.

My T has never answered her phone during my session.