How honest do you want your T to be?

No surprise at all. I only said I TRIED to elicit some emotions from him. You're right - our emotions are our own. No one can "make" us feel anything, and we can't make anyone else feel anything. One of the scary things about being human = we can't control other people.

Hmm interesting thread for me. I don´t really believe that therapists are honest just from the basics of their jobs and their role. They should not tell us anything that will not be good for us. They are taught to tell us and show us only things that would be helpful not the once that would be harmful to our healing process therefore they can´t be fully honest. But to be clear I just started therapy 2 months ago and I´m not very trusting person so......that may play a role here in my opinion. I think I need to talk about this with my T because I believe they are all actors. Maybe this is not the best opinion to have.

I learned T's feelings were not "about me" but were her responses to things stimulating her. When T was angry, it could be about my actions but was not about me. It was hard for me to learn I was okay, just as I am, but my actions, my choices of how to respond, might need some work I'm the right size, it's the pants that don't fit.

I am convinced (which obviously doesn't mean I'm right) that my exT was not being honest with me, especially about her reactions to me and what was compelling her decision making process. And it drove me nuts.

I think there can be a balance between reassurance when we truly need it, and authentically responding to the good, the bad, and the ugly. It doesn't have to be shaming, it depends on how it's framed, on so many things.

I think if my therapist were constantly reassuring me, I'd question how authentic he was being, I may end up feeling that he's just trying to put out fires instead of helping me on a deeper level. Reassurance isn't always what we truly 'need,' (although sometimes it is) and I want my therapist to have the skills to tell the difference between what I want and what I need, model that, help me recognize it for myself.

We're all very vulnerable at times when we need extra reassurance, but I think it can become addictive, and we can end up trying to manipulate our way into reassurance, when maybe something else would ultimately be more helpful.

Honesty from a loving place. Even if it's "I care deeply for you but I want to shake you!"

I want mine to be completely honest. I wouldn't want her to just say what makes me feel good because then, what will I learn? I feel like I want her to be abe to tell me if I'm seeing something wrong. Also, if she is honest when she disagrees with me or it's something negative, then when she says something good, it has more value and I know that she really means it.

I expect my T to be honest and don't see holding back an expression of anger as being dishonest. If My T's expression of anger is going to help me therapeutically then show it, if not he can keep it for his own T. Sure he is not a robot but I expect that he would contain it.

For me, my T's actions over time are so much more reassuring than his words. Less words of assurance work better for me as words are can be so easy to say but the doing not so much (sometimes)

I want and expect my t to be honest. even when it hurts, because that's when it's the most helpful. At least in my case.